Does your sense of humor sometimes offend others?

[Wetzelbill]

I have this dilemma. Where I am from, a small farm and Indian reservation community, everybody teases each other. It's very communal, as in your friends aren't just friends, more like brothers and sisters. Your friend's parents and your own Aunts and Uncles are more like surrogate parents than anything else. I can walk into any number of houses, open a fridge or stay without asking. Part of this culture, is we just razz each other ruthlessly, and to others it looks bad, but to us it is intimate. We only do it to people we like. That's well understood.

Now, I'm not nearly like that outside of my home area and my closest friends, but I still have a goofy and often sick sense of humor. I tend to tease people a lot or just crack jokes in general. I, in no way, mean any harm but once in a great while, some people will take offense. Hardly ever. In fact, in all my life, I've maybe had 3 or 4 people take offense at my humor. This is after probably 20 years of jokes to hundreds if not thousands of people. In classrooms, at parties, in my published writings etc. I rarely get a complaint, must people get it. If they don't at first they do once they've been around me a few times. Also, I am by no means loud or obnoxious. I'm sort of a quiet class clown. When I say something it usually creates quite a stir. In fact, I probably make fun of myself the most, which really cracks some people up. And, women are usually the biggest fans of even my sickest and goofiest humor. In writing classes, women - and I mean strong, opinionated, feminist women, always gravitate to me. They give me the best comments on my papers. Become my best friends. I at one time had 3 female roommates who had friends over 24/7 and they all love me fiercely. To this day.

I'm saying this because, I've gotten some adverse reactions from a few of my posts in the last week. And, I don't just like to tell somebody to "lighten up" because if they are genuinely offended then belittling them is a pretty immoral thing to do. But, at the same time, I can't just stop being me. I'm good to people, I'm compassionate, I would never hurt a fly, but my sense of humor has ruffled some feathers lately. I'm working at being more conscious of what I say and how I joke. Because, it really gets to me if I think I have offended someone. It practically has been eating me up all week.

A little bit ago I had my own thread deleted, because it was getting a little too crass and someone mentioned it to me.

So I was just wondering if you any others were in the same situation? If you had any advice. I would like to be able to balance both my sense of humor and the consideration of others. Or if you just had anything to add, please go ahead.

[emulatorloo]

1. Flat words on the page lack the warm inflection of your voice

so people can easily misinterpret what you say.

That's why the internet god invented emoticons/smilies.

[enigmatic]

16. Yeah, that too

Very good point.

[bicentennial_baby]

2. Often and always

it's a goal of mine ;)

[LaurenG]

3. Keep being you

People aren't always on the same page. All their past experiences come with them. Just post away and explain if you need to. It's all good.

[Debi]

4. Maybe you're just an asshole?

:rofl:

That was a joke, really, a joke, I swear :blush:

My brother and I get in to arguments often b/c our tongue-in-cheek emails are taken at face value. Hard to decipher at times.

[Wetzelbill]

12. See I do things exactly like you just did

Perfect. :)

[Debi]

22. Whew...you're not pissed

:woohoo:

[Wetzelbill]

25. can you imagine that?

People actually joke with each other! Wow. And, we didn't start a major flame war, either. :)

[Debi]

38. Yet...

[WeRQ4U]

5. I'm the same way you are man.

I choose my friends based upon whether or not they will not only take the punishment from me, but also give it back mercilously. Some might find that odd, but that's where I feel comfortable.

Now, you have to realize that not everyone is like that, and some might take offense to your style (I won't, I promise). My advice is to use a shitload of smilies. That way people don't take you the wrong way. And if that doesn't work, then say you're sorry and move on. You don't have to quit being you.

That is, of course, unless "you" are a dickhead. Dickheads suck. Don't be one.

Hope that helps. ;-)

[Taverner]

6. All the time

I have a very dark sense of humor. No one gets it (but my wife).

[DS1]

7. More often than it doesn't

:shrug:

[swag]

8. Mortally so.

[Zuni]

9. my humor is often horribly innappropriate

and more than likely offensive to many

[Mojambo]

24. Same here

I feel like putting disclaimer in my sig that reads,

"Humor can be rough, wear a cup."

[ClintonTyree]

10. Does it matter to you that much?

:shrug: Maybe you're a lot younger than me, but at 55 years old I don't really give a hoot what people think of me anymore. I have no one to impress and if someone doesn't like me or something I've said.....who cares?
Don't take things too personally, never intentionally harm or lie about anyone....that's about the best you can do. If that isn't good enough for some people, screw 'em! ;)

[Wetzelbill]

20. it does and it doesn't

I'm 30, and if the person is someone I otherwise think is a good person, it just leaves a bad feeling in my gut to be taken that way. But, for the most part, I am really secure in myself and don't really worry about impressing someone or what most people think of me.

[progmom]

11. i'm generally more reserved with posters i don't know well

and it took me awhile to really find my groove when i started posting in the lounge.

it doesn't really make a lot of sense to start in with "the dozens" with people with whom you don't share a history or comical frame of reference yet.

[Wetzelbill]

15. So you don't think I'm a jerk?

Because, I'm a little nervous that you've been leaning that way......

(even if it is true) :)

[enigmatic]

13. to a certain degree, yes

There are people in life who live to be offended by something, anything. I've learned long ago that that had very little to do w/ m or what I've said, and alot on how they percieve themselves and the world around them.

You're a good dude. Keep doing what you're doing:)

[Beware the Beast Man]

14. I would need a sense of humor first.

Lounge posting is serious business.

[Wetzelbill]

26. yeah because you've never said anything funny at all

not that I've read anyway. :sarcasm:

[johnnie]

17. I hold back about 60% of my comments on here

I have learned that my humor does not come through on the Internet as well as it does in "real life".
As someone else posted, try to use the "smilies" to help with posts that you think might be taken the wrong way.

[knowbody0]

18. rez humor is a rythm

laughter is medicine.
you make me smile.

[Misunderestimator]

19. Maybe you should add some points of reference...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=341&topic_id=3028&mesg_id=3085

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=341&topic_id=2737&mesg_id=2950

Oh and this one...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=341&topic_id=2862&mesg_id=3089

(On edit... it's important to read all the subsequent posts to each of these to get the true picture.)

[Wetzelbill]

21. by all means

probably shouldn't post FF links in the Lounge though, that's why I didn't do it, because it is more of a private forum. :)

[texas1928]

23. All the DAMN TIME!!!

DAMMIT!!!!

[jobycom]

27. At Mississippi State I wound up friends with an assistant atheletic direct

or, from New York. First New Yorker I had ever met. I was a student, he became friends with the manager of the pizza place I worked (yes, Domino's, get over it!)

One night we were at the manager's house all cutting up, and he told me I was too vicious, and it was going to get me in trouble one day. A New Yorker, telling a southerner he was too rude! I was so proud.

Later that night his girlfriend made a pass at me. I turned her down, but I guess he had other reasons to be upset with me.

So it just goes to show you, if it's not one thing it's another. Either people are getting mad at you for your sense of humor, or some New Yorker is mad 'cause his girlfriend is hitting on a man five years younger than him. (tip o' the hat to Rosanne Rosanna Danna)

Nah, it wasn't supposed to make any sense at all.

[Wetzelbill]

28. What did you say about Domino's?

:grr:

[jobycom]

31. Worked there for five years, helped pay my way through college

So not all their money goes to Republicans. My manager was a Democrat, too.

[Wetzelbill]

34. I was jk

I like Domino's. I usually order from a local chain though.

[Karmageddon]

29. I hope so.

Especially those I want to offend.

[BrainRants]

30. Robin Williams ended his HBO special many years ago

with the immortal words of his (at the time) young son sharing a father/son moment discussing the world:

"Fuck 'em Daddy!"

Robin looked down at his son, smiled and said:

"Yeah, Fuck 'em!"


That's my advice, be yourself.

[Merrick]

32. Yes. Idiots are so sensitive about being stupid. You'd think

they'd have gotten over it by the time you mock them using a retard voice.

[SOteric]

33. Every once in a blue moon. I've tried to grow sensitive to the

differences in people's boundaries. It's harder to do on the internet where communication is text only and people don't get the opportunity to see a playful twinkle in your eye to judge that you are indeed attempting to josh around with them. It's one of the reasons I've gotten such a large repertoire of smilies. They may be a bit corny but they really do help to take the place of facial expressions lacking in text only communication. Especially useful for those of us given to poking some good-natured fun.

Of course, some folk are just unusually sensitive and don't like to be teased. Some so much so that I just steer clear of them.

[Dave Reynolds]

35. All the time,

but more when I lived outside of the midwest.

It is hard to strike a balance, I tone myself WAY down here.

I have heard people say "don't say anything you wouldn't say around your mom", but my mom cusses like a longshoreman.

[SmokingJacket]

36. Not me, I'm pretty quiet, but I have a good friend like you...

he can turn anything into a joke. He's extremely witty and sharp, and it got a tiny bit annoying sometimes when I was saying something serious and he was just listening for an opportunity to be funny. I'm very slow to take offense, but I did tell him that I didn't like it when he made jokes when I was being serious -- and he began to hold his tongue now and then. That was good.

Later, I heard he'd pissed people off at work, caused people to confront him because of his endless joking. He's a great, sweet, wonderful person, but his sense of humor is a large part of his personality, so it's hard to turn it off -- and who wants to stifle one's self?

And on a message board -- well, you're always going to annoy someone. Some people are just naturally prickly.

Just keep working on balancing your humor and consideration. YOu sound like a great guy. Don't take it hard when you piss off people here -- it's inevitable. :hi:

[barb162]

37. Yes, especially when they missed that it was humor

It has happened a few times and I recall being a bit upset and then I just wrote the person back saying, hey I was kidding.

[Midlodemocrat]

39. Oh, man. I could write a book.

I was at this Southern Living Party about 2 years ago. I was chit chatting with this lady and she mentioned that she left her son home alone. So I said, being the smartass that I am. "Really, are you sure he is alone? I just saw a girl go upstairs". She gets all nervous and says "you did?". So I keep it going by leaning towards the window and saying, "yep the police are pulling in, doesn't look good".

Well, turns out her husband was killed in a car wreck a few months before and the police really did have to come notify her. I felt like shit.

[LibraLiz1973]

40. only like, everyday!

lol

[Ariana Celeste]

41. My man and I are like that.

We confuse the hell out of our best friend's friends that she brings over at times- they get really quiet, or give me concerned looks. A lot of people take it the wrong way.

I try not to be like that on forums, which makes it hard for me to post as often as I'd like, because I'm always concerned that someone will take it the wrong way or something. I've had people take me the wrong way so many times on forums, otherwise I wouldn't be so quick to censor myself. :)

But just so you know, you won't ever have to worry about offending me!

:hi:

[AlienGirl]

42. If it doesn't, they must not be paying attention...

:yoiks:

[Wetzelbill]

43. well said

:)

[AlienGirl]

45. The worse it is, the more I'm inclined to joke about it

I was insufferable when I had cancer. My way of dealing with bad stuff is to turn it into really dark humor.

Tucker

[Wetzelbill]

46. yeah I know what you mean

Good to see you got through it all right. I love dark humor. People don't know how to react to it either.

I coauthored about book in which a proceeds went to cancer research.
Check it out if you want.

http://acorngathering.gq.nu/

[48pan]

44. I only offend those who...

the shoe fits. Irony is my best weapon.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

47. Yes, but I don't mean it to.

I do have a dark sense of humor, but the only time it's gotten me in trouble was at my new job, and this particular incident only involved lighthearted comments.

I was going through training for this new job and made a harmless comment that their computer folder setup was "weird." I meant it as in "unusual," not "stupid." I also made an offhand comment to the supervisor that a certain aspect of her particular job was "the reason you get the big bucks." Again, an offhand, meaningless comment.

A few days later, I was called into my boss' office and had these comments regurgitated to me. I immediately knew it was the supervisor who went to the boss. The boss asked if I was upset with my salary (based on the "big bucks" comment). I said no and flatly denied all charges. She seemed satisfied with the explanation and said that "certain people" (the supervisor) may have been offended by my comments. Fortunately, I cleared the whole thing up.

When I got home that day, I was feeling pissed off, mainly at the thought of someone being so obsessed with their job that any remotely offhand comment about the company is seen as a personal slur.

If your job involves benefiting humanity at large (i.e., Mother Teresa), then I understand being sensitive about your work. Yet, where I work is a normal office that serves to make money just like any other business. We are not feeding starving children, we are not ending genocide, we are not curing diseases -- we simply produce the bottom line.

I hope I never get that attached to ANY profession.

[I Have A Dream]

48. I have to agree with a previous poster -- you can say almost anything to..

me if I know that you are joking. Therefore, using the smilies really helps me to understand exactly what the poster's trying to say.

Anyone who's read your posts over time knows that you're a good guy with a good heart. You don't seem like the type of person's who's just waiting to pounce on someone. (i.e., you don't seem to have a chip on your shoulder.)

Be yourself, but be liberal with the emoticons. I think that you'll have fewer upset/confused people then. (That's my advise.)

[Wetzelbill]

49. good advice

Although I didn't like your tone at all. :) :) :) :)

(enough smilies or more?)

Did you call me a good guy with a good heart? :blush:

thanks

[I Have A Dream]

50. OK - balance in all things is good!

You're still looking for your smiley balance. ;)

(However, I absolutely got your point, so too much is better than not enough. See? :) )