CNN: "Network of the Living Dead"

[PDittie]

Another classic from Billmon:

CNN executives announced today that they will not bury the badly decomposed corpse of columnist and on-air personality Robert Novak, despite complaints from producers that the stench of his putrifying flesh is making it difficult to book guests for the network's talk shows.

"We realize some viewers may be unsettled by the sight of a rotting pile of maggot-infested tissue on their living room TV sceens," explained CNN/US president Jonathan Klein. "But Novak has a contract, and we feel that as long as we can squeeze a little more free publicity out of his legal and ethical problems, we have no choice but to keep him on the air."

Klein refused to comment on a recent outbreak of typhus at CNN studios in Washington that left five of Novak's makeup artists dead and 23 hospitalized, citing pending litigation. He also declined comment on the alleged involvement of Novak's personal chef in an interstate graverobbing conspiracy.

"Those charges are under investigation by the police, and it would be inappropriate for me to comment at this tiime," Klein said. "But I can assure you that anyone convicted of a crime and sentenced to a lengthy term in a federal prison will be fired from this network -- just as soon as the appeals process has been completed."

There's more...

[48pan]

1. Funny, but true.

[Cha]

2. I love billmon..I just discovered him

the other day..thanks to a DUer. I've been posting him all over the place today regarding "Bob Roberts"!!

[PDittie]

3. Did you see "Rove's Last Stand"?

I just put it in GD:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x4147832

[Cha]

4. I've spent a lot of time catching up

on past billmon's and I did see rove's last stand. I will go to GD and comment on it, though. :)

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

5. Larry King doesn't seem phased at all by the smell

Novak bit Larry King a few years ago, but the zombiefication has been very slow to complete itself.

[samsingh]

6. ouch.