Police Love To Laugh At Stupid Criminals

[matcom]

<snip>

Hapless shoplifters, eager sex solicitors and other boneheaded crooks rarely attain the notoriety of more dangerous criminal minds.

But if these petty lawbreakers are busted in North Olmsted, Fairview Park or Westlake, they have a shot at gaining some fame, thanks to a crew of quick-witted cops who love to laugh at stupid criminals.

Many police departments designate officers who scour police reports weekly, summarize intriguing cases and forward the information to the press. However, none rival the flair and panache found in press reports provided by these three Cuyahoga County suburbs.

In North Olmsted, a man stealing tools and stashing them in his trousers produced this line from officers: "Are those wrenches in your pants, or are you just happy to see us?" A drunken beer thief arrested on a motorized scooter in Fairview Park led to another one-liner.

"The scooter might have been electric, but the driver was gassed." And in Westlake, a has-been Playboy model taken in for having stolen goods in her trailer earned the headline: "From Playmate to Cellmate!" "Sometimes, I can't tell if they're cops with a sense of humor or comedians with guns," said Plain Dealer reporter Michael K. McIntyre, who often features the items in a weekly column.

North Olmsted Patrolman Jim Calvitti and two partners handle the press duties, and the trio relish playing up idiotic crimes. They target low-level, misdemeanor offenders, and they sometimes have to control their presentations or risk "getting a day off or fired," Calvitti joked.

Calvitti, a 25-year police veteran, said he and his partners highlight the pea-brained to show the types of knuckleheads police deal with daily. He said officers hand him reports and challenge him to wrench out every piece of wit and nonsense.

But the trio take pride in being professional, Calvitti said, and they can even be merciful. When former Brook Park Mayor Tom Coyne was found nearly naked and passed out in a stranger's driveway in North Olmsted last year, Calvitti and his partners didn't embellish the news release. But police records and video were readily available for the media.

"We're not out to embarrass anybody," Calvitti said.

A reporter once asked Calvitti whether he and his partners were in a comedy competition with Capt. Richard Deem of Fairview Park, another officer who doesn't mind taking potshots at the slow-witted.

http://www.cleveland.com/search/index.ssf?/base/cuyahoga/1121679226300520.xml?ncounty_cuyahoga&coll=2

[ProfessorGAC]

1. Friend Of Mine Is A Police Captain. . .

. . .one day at a board meeting of the bank, he looked around the room and said, "I'm glad nobody here is a criminal. We wouldn't catch you guys. Everyone in here is too smart. We only catch most bad guys because they're stupid."

There you have it. Right from the mouth of the expert.
The Professor

[Beware the Beast Man]

2. I wish the Fairview Park cop would have laughed at me,

rather than giving me a speeding ticket 3 years ago! :grr:

[matcom]

3. no, no, no

he was laughing WITH you! :D