What would you do in this situation?

[spooky3]

My friend is the mother of a 30 month old boy. When I suggested recently that we get caught up over lunch or dinner, she suggested dinner with her son (her hubby was on a business trip) at a restaurant we both like, that is not child oriented but does have plenty of dining families. She chose the time (6:30), after picking up her son at day care.

The minute we sat down "Johnny" began crawling all over the seats. He had one toy with him but it was not an interactive toy--no crayons or coloring books, etc. She asked the waitress for orange juice for him and that quieted him for a moment but he then screamed, crawled under the table, and did other typical toddler things, etc. She kept trying to get him to behave by asking if he wanted a time out when he got home, to which he would reply no, and telling him he would have to be strapped into a child seat or could not have ice cream if he wasn't good, all the while apologizing. She eventually did get a child seat and of course he howled and cried for being strapped in. I felt a lot of sympathy and asked if there was anything I could do, and tried to distract him by asking him about his toy, his friends at day care etc. But nothing worked for more than a moment and soon everyone near us was glaring at us. She eventually did give him ice cream, to quiet him out of consideration for the other patrons, even though he didn't do most of what she asked, and he deliberately put more of the ice cream on her and himself than in his mouth.

My assessment of the situation was that he is probably too young to be expected to behave in a restaurant like that, and that it would have been better for her to suggest lunch with just the two of us, instead of dinner. She didn't offer to take him outside at any time. I offered to leave at any time if she preferred, but she wanted to finish dinner. As we were leaving she said it was a lot easier to manage him in a restaurant when both she and her husband were there, so obviously she didn't end up concluding what I did.

What do you think?

oops--on edit, he's 2 1/2 not 1 1/2.

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Too young to eat out.

[StopTheMorans]

2. "and did other typical toddler things"

*puts on helmet, ducks* watch out for the breeder onslaught! :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[Midlodemocrat]

3. like, what, sneeze?

[Mizmoon]

4. "breeder"?

How freakin offensive.

[StopTheMorans]

7. .

:rofl: sorry, it was a not-too-thinly veiled reference to the "breeder" wars that have been going on in the lounge this week :D

[barb162]

14. tee-hee

I was in on those a bit

[kick-ass-bob]

13. Here I come!!

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:



:rofl::rofl:

[diddlysquat]

5. She gave the child a lot of "threats" that she did not intend

to enforce (i.e. the ice cream). I bet he's better when the dad is present because the dad does enforce what he says. A lot of kids that age can eat out just fine but it appears the real problem may have been mom. You can not reason with a child that age. He may have also been tired in which case he should have been taken home.

[Maddy McCall]

6. I think your assessment is correct.

Maybe next time hubby can watch the kid and just you and your friend can dine out.

[jedicord]

8. I quickly learned not to go to a restaurant when my son was young.

Trying to entertain a toddler at a restaurant takes away the whole point of being at a restaurant IMO.

But if we did go, if he misbehaved, we went outside. That's simple courtesy.

[Dora]

9. He's too young. She made a poor choice.

Just poor judgment on your friend's part. I can imagine that it's easy to do.

I'm putting this one in my mental "remember this when my kid is a toddler" file.

[spooky3]

10. thanks, everyone, for your thoughts. That helps!

[madinmaryland]

11. Uh-oh, here we go!

:popcorn:

[Bunny]

12. Yeah, I would say it was bad judgement on your friend's part.

Although I hate to judge people that way.

When my kids were that age, I would have almost never tried to take them for a non-McDonald's dinner at 6:30 in the evening, especially if they had just spent the day at day care. They would be tired, cranky, and just wanting to go home. It would have been hard for them to be appropriate under those particular conditions, and frankly, it would have sucked for me. If I'm going out for a leisurely meal with a friend, I'd prefer not to have to deal with my cranky toddler the whole time.

It would have been much better for her to go to lunch with you.

[barb162]

15. It makes me wonder why she didn't get a babysitter

so that she and you could catch up

[barb162]

16. PS I meant to add before there wasn't much to do other than to go

to a more kid friendly restaurant, like a Chucky Cheese type place. But he was possibly too young for that. Thing is, at a "kidplace" you can barely hear yourself with all the screaming and yelling and you never would have been able to chat with her.

[Telly Savalas]

17. If you're gonna take a kid that age to a restaurant...

then the child is typically going to require quite a bit of attention. We take our 3 year old out to eat frequently and did so when she was much younger too. We almost always have a blast, and she's very well behaved, but the focus is on her much of the time and not on grown-up conversation. It's not the sort of thing that's conducive to catching up with an old friend.

Think about it from the kid's perspective: wouldn't you be bored shitless if you went out with a couple of friends who spent the whole time talking about things you don't care about? A young child is much less able to deal with this boredom in a socially appropriate fashion.

If the only time your friend can hang out is when she's watching the kid solo, then you'd be best off having a picnic at a playground, hanging out at their home, or doing something else where the kid's demands aren't nearly as great as they are at a restaurant.

[spooky3]

18. thanks; I don't think it's the only time she can hang out

I think that as a first time mom, she's very proud of her boy and wants to show him off a bit and really isn't thinking it through all the way.

Given the pretty consistent advice here, what I can do is make sure that I only accept or suggest lunch invitations (with just the two of us) for the time being!