Office Politics - Help me help a friend

[RPM]

I have an old buddy from college, and former coworker, who has had some problems at work lately. Recently, in a conversation with his manager (who recently hired him into a permanent position), he learned that he is somewhat disliked within in his office and last night I spent some time discussing this situation with my friend. His position is in financial underwriting where has worked for the last 18 months in a rotational program before recently settling into a permanent, and highly-sought, job. THe co-workers are all college educated, with a couple of Ivy leaguers, but the bulk are middle-tier public and private schools.

Among the tidbits learned were:
"someone is telling other people in the office that I always try to delegate my work to others"
"many people in the office think i believe that i am too good for the position"
"People in the office think i am smarter than everyone else in the department"
"People think i am cold and aloof"

A little background on my friend
- Summa Cum Laude graduate from a nationally known university
- Magna Cum Laude graduate from a nationally ranked MBA program
- Highly capable young professional
- New to the city in which he lives
- Somewhat quiet person - prefers to avoid the usual office bullshit talk (loathes political discussion)
- While generally reserved, will occasionally make snap judgments or outspokenly support unpopular decisions (we're friends for a reason)
- Got the nod for this job over a person (let's call her "E") who was friendly with my friend in the training person, but now who seems resentful of my friend

Anywho, my questions are:
1) What are your general thoughts on the matter?
2) I, personally, think that co-workers are a bit intimidated; if so, how can one help diffuse this issue?
3) How should the manager's communication of this information be viewed? At some level, it's a positive that he was willing to discuss the matter, but at the same time what role should he be playing to intervene on his behalf?

I appreciate any thoughts you may have on these questions - or any other comments. All are appreciated in helping me render advice to my friend.

Thanks!

[XemaSab]

1. Sounds like he's got a reputation

as a bit of a snob, perhaps not undeservedly.

I think the co-workers are intimidated, yes, but I think his behavior is probably leading them to those conclusions.

The solution, methinks, is make more of an effort to schmooze and engage in chitchat so they can see that he's a regular guy and not a vulcan.

[RPM]

4. follow-up: in light of this, how can one make the chi-chat inroads

when the persons are (at varying levels) hostile?

[XemaSab]

5. Ignore the fact that they are hostile.

Pretend you don't notice it. Ask friendly questions like "how was your weekend?" and "How's your family doing?"

If they're anything short of my co-worker from hell (who happily quit monday) then they should mellow out.

[jedicord]

2. Frankly, the manager went about this the wrong way.

I once lost my chance at a new job when my answer to: "Would it bother you if your employees didn't like you?" was "yes".

It doesn't matter if he is liked by co-workers. What is important is what he is doing to make them not like him. In other words, his manager should have discussed, for instance, whether or not he delegated too much work to others.

I'd ask your friend if he felt his relationships with his co-workers impeded the quality of work that was getting done by everyone. If not, don't sweat it. If so, try to work on a better working relationship.

[RPM]

3. it was my friends request

after a few drinks...

the manager did not raise the issue; only addressed the questions posed.

On edit: in response to your question, my friend is making his deadlines (i.e. not impeding others work) and is not having any personal issues with the quality of his work

[Allenberg]

6. Well, that's all the company can ask for?

If the guy is doing a great job, is qualified for the job, and isn't impeding the others...the other office workers should respect that. Perhaps the guy could bring in donuts once in awhile to show a bit of friendliness if people find him cold and aloof.

[caty]

7. If it was a highly sought after position,

there would be resentment no matter who got the job. Your friend shouldn't take it personally. He should do his job and be as friendly and personable as he can with his co-workers. Just be himself. As time goes by, they will accept him. And, if all of them don't, he can deal with it. Not everyone we work with is going to like us. That's life.

[RPM]

10. i hear you - his concern is largely about managerial aspirations

someday, he may want to be a boss; at some level he seems concerned about being enough of a people person that there won't be concerns about people being willing to follow him.

as an aside, he was pretty well liked when we worked together.

[caty]

11. If he was well liked when you worked

with him, then he should trust his instincts. They worked for him before, and given time, should work for him again.

[Spinzonner]

8. He should look at the issues and ask himself

why other people might hold those opinions. What has he done or said in the past that might cause other people to form such opinions.

This requires avoiding being defensive about the issues or that people might see him negatively. The purpose is to identify how he might be contributing to the situation - unintentionally - and if there are fair and reasonable things he could do the change, or at least mitigate, the problems.

With those qualifications and background - and the fact that they were mentioned prominently - I have to ask if he makes his academic and intellectual accomplishments and gifts known - particularly in a way that people might view as an attitude of superiority.

Making snap judgments might indicate - or suggest - that he is sometimes not inclined to listen to other views in an open minded fashion and doesnt respect them - or at least appear to. He should learn to both listen and present his views in a respectful manner that doesnt appear dismissive of opposing ones.

And he should try and be a little sociable. Doesnt need to change his personality or become 'one of the guys' or try and feign interest in things, but occasionally involve himself in non-business discussions and avoid being seen as a business-only personality.

[flordehinojos]

9. one time in another life in a totally unfriendly office,

i noticed that someone was looking rather intently at me during one of the staff meetings. i was usually the oddone out in the office for many reasons, among them, a training i had received that none of them had but all of them wanted.

one day while we waited in the parking lot for the office to open and, shortly after i had noticed how that someone had looked at me during the recent staff meeting,i approached her and said, "if there is anything that you would like to know about me, or have to say about me, i would appreciate it if you would ask/tell me it directly."

"What?!" she said. "I noticed how you were looking at me at the staff meeting the other day and i just wanted to let you know that if there is anything you want to know about me, or have to say about me, you can ask, or you can tell me, directly."

She apologized and offered some excuse... and after that day she seemed to respect me and the communication between us improved.