My husband ask me to not gain any more weight!

[NewInNewJ.]

I am 55 yr old and weigh 163 lbs. I do not eat dinner in the evenings , I try so hard to lose lbs. but have been unsuccessful. I am on Paxil , for panic attacks, which helps to retain weight. Help! What do I do, remain halfway sane or give up the paxil and lose weight? I don't exercise alot but do work every day , doing house cleanings. I need your help. By the way I am 5'6" . Help!!!!

[tjdee]

1. Is he as fit as Brad Pitt?

If not, he needs to step off. Honestly.

You will lose weight in your own way, and pressure from someone else can't be helping.

Geez! What does he want you to do, you're trying!

:hug:

[NewInNewJ.]

7. Yes I am trying

I just feel so defeated when he comes across with these hits. No he is definitely not Brad Pitt, but he looks much better then me. He is is good physical shape.

[tjdee]

12. Please don't feel defeated.

He *knows* the Paxil is a factor. He *knows* you don't even eat frickin dinner! :grr:

You shouldn't be the one feeling defeated. Your husband shouldn't be placing you in a position to feel that way, and it is wrong that he is doing so. He may be in better physical shape than you are, but so what?

Sounds like you know you need to get moving (I hate exercise, dancing is much more fun)--but is he suggesting doing things with you, like going on walks together, etc? Or is he just laying down the law, so to speak?

[Radio_Lady]

27. Overweight women -- Let's start the DU Weight Whompers thread!

Join the obesity club. Last night, I read the latest issue of "People" magazine --some really good stories about people (mostly women) who lost A LOT of weight -- in some cases, hundreds of pounds! I read the article after eating my "nightly snack" -- and feeling just disgusted with myself.

I'd be willing to start a little support group with you, NewInNewJ. We could be the DU Weight Whompers or something like that.

I've been promising myself and my husband (who is quite supportive), my children, my 81-year-old aunt (who weighs less than she did in high school) and my MIRROR -- that I would lose weight. My husband says it tactfully -- "You'd feel better if you lost the weight."

Let's face it, I'm overweight. I wanted to lose weight when I hit 50, after being mother and stepmother to five kids. That was 16 years ago (damn it, it hurts to say this). I used to be 5 ft. 3 1/2 in., now down to 5 ft. 2 in. (no eyes of blue, if you remember that old song). Good health generally. Let's not turn this into a medical forum or the moderators will get in a "snit"... Does anyone use that word anymore?

Let's just say I weigh MORE than you do. Last time I looked, I was at 169. I even weigh more than my husband. He's not focused on it, so I've never discussed it.

This is the first time I am admitting that I am fat and periodically lose control over my eating. My dress size is 14.

Here's what I propose:

Let's check with each other once a week or so. You can PM me or add to this thread. I'll put you on my buddy list. Let's share tips and pointers. Others can join but if this turns into a flame war, I'm out of here.

Here's my first one:

I am determined to find a way to exercise at least 30 minutes three times a week. My favorite way is swimming, as I belong to 24 Hour Fitness and there is a Sport club (with a pool) about 1/2 mile away which really is open 24 hours a day. They have super aqua aerobics classes which I used to attend regularly. I got slack back in the winter. Prior to that, I think my weight went down just a tad under 160 for a week or so.

Other option is to walk with my husband (who likes to walk) around our neighborhood. He could use a little slimming down, too, but he is not going to the health club either at this time.

I am a night binger. I eat secretly after my husband has gone to bed. I am fairly sure medication in the evening is involved with my hunger pangs. I'm going to try and talk to the doctor about weight gain in menopause. Just trying to take baby steps now.

You might visit the web site:

http://www.women-to-women.com

I just signed up for their money back program. It involves nutritional support while in perimenopause and menopause. The first 90-day supply is on its way.

Nice to meet you! I have a first cousin in New Jersey -- up near the Tappan Zee bridge! Miss the east coast a lot!

In peace,

Radio Lady

[NewInNewJ.]

34. It's a deal.

Please keep it touch. I bet we can do this together.

[Radio_Lady]

45. Great! When I start making progress, I'll post some pictures!

Now, here's what I looked like at 15 years old in 1956. By the way, another motivator is I'm planning to go to my 50th High School Reunion in 2006. I'll be there with all those other old people -- but I haven't changed a bit (NOT!)...

[NewInNewJ.]

46. Your beautiful!!!

I will help support in anyway.

[Radio_Lady]

65. So are you -- I actually had acne pretty badly and was very

self conscious. I had a TV show when I was a teenager in my first year of college, so I used heavy make-up -- pancake makeup by Max Factor -- to cover (more or less) the blemishes.

But I also saw a dermatologist and was on special diets. I didn't eat what the other kids ate. No seafood, no chocolate, no cola, no greasy hamburgers. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Something called "lotio alba" tinted with color to dry up the blemishes. Also, they used dry ice and sulfur powder and kind of burned off the top layer of the skin. Luckily, I don't have any bad acne scars. I get complimented on my face all the time.

It was a pretty healthy life in Florida in the 1950s.

Goodnight, all!

[Rhiannon12866]

79. I know what you looked like and you must have turned heads!

And I'm sure that you're still pretty hot!:D

[Wetzelbill]

54. wow, you're a beautiful woman..

[Radio_Lady]

66. Well, let's put that in the PAST tense. When I get up the nerve,

I'll post a more recent picture.

G'night...

(Hey, if you were double-jointed like my stepdaughter, they might call you Wetzel the Pretzel. Just kiddin', but not too many words rhyme with Wetzel!)

[Wetzelbill]

67. oh please, I'm sure you're still as stunning as ever

That special glow never fades. :)

Funny you should say that, I used to be a wrestler so I got plenty pretzel variations rhymed with my name. :)

You have good night too.

[Radio_Lady]

101. Hey, Bill -- you made my day! What a nice thing to say!

I had a good day today -- the weather in Portland was perfect, my husband and I didn't clash about anything. Some weekends are tougher than others; marriage is an ongoing commitment and I've been at it with my "current" husband #3 for 33 years this month. Are you a married guy or single?

A wrestler! Well, isn't that interesting! I don't think I ever met any wrestlers, either the fake kind or the real kind. I guess you name is of German extraction -- I don't think I have ever heard it before.

My maiden name is KIMBALL (not related to the piano people, though). I used to get called GUMBALL or FOUR-EYES in middle school; aren't kids special????). And my first name is Ellen -- my uncle used to tease me and say, "Here lies Ellen, she's been dead a week and now she's SMELLIN'!" He didn't mean anything by it, but it hurt anyway.

[Wetzelbill]

109. oh, no problem

Yup, I used to be a serious athlete ten years or so ago. Many pounds ago myself, haha. I've never been to Portland, I've always wanted to, though. I lived in Seattle for a few years, but never made it down your way.

Wetzel is German, right on. I'm mostly American Indian, I am a member of the Blackfeet Tribe.

I never had to deal with anything too bad. Just the variations of pretzel was about it.

Glad I made your day though. You have a good one. :)

[Radio_Lady]

115. Wow, a mix of German and Native American!

I thought it was unique when our stepdaughter, whose grandfathers were Russian Jews who emigrated to the United States in the early 1900s -- married a fellow named Michael Foley, about as Irish Catholic a name as you could have. We have three grandchildren who are Irish Jewish.

I told this to a woman at the radio station where I volunteer. She had a wonderful Irish brogue, and told me she was from Dublin. She reminded me that the Mayor of Dublin was a Jewish fellow named Ben Briscoe. Perhaps you know about him -- I didn't, until I made myself smarter by reading the link at:

http://wiki.politics.ie/index.php?title=Ben_Briscoe

Now, I'm off to read about the Blackfeet Indians. (Boy, could they have screwed up that terminology any more than they did? There are the Indians from India and then there's the misnomer for the American Indians.) I assume you're in Montana...

I know more about the Seminoles of Florida, because I lived there for 28 years and saw them living in the Everglades. One of my best girlfriends from high school is living in New Mexico on a reservation of -- I believe -- Hopi Native Americans.

Have a good week!

In peace,

Radio Lady

[lavenderdiva]

59. Wow! What a gorgeous picture of you!

thanks for posting!

[Radio_Lady]

64. {{blushing}}Thank you so much. I'll never look like that again...

but -- gee -- it was fun while it lasted!

[Radio_Lady]

117. OK. Fresh photo. If you can help me make this photo smaller, PM me!

(Wouldn't it be great if we could lose weight while cutting down our pixels, like in a photo?)

I think I have to do this before Photobucket gets ahold of them. My husband is sleeping, so I can't get his help... Sorry for the POSTER sized POST. Thanks.

[Radio_Lady]

125. Where have all the photos gone? Photobucket just (ph)ucked my photo.

I tried to replace it with a smaller version and it's lost its mind. Then I tried to get on www.photobucket.com and there was some kind of a server problem, but it's supposed to be fixed now.

We'll see. Looks like I'll have to freshen up my face.

Edit: Looks like they had a server crash just as I was messing with the photo. Wow, I didn't think I was that ugly!

[lavenderdiva]

44. please see my reply #43

about the DU Weight Loss/Maintenance Forum... We would love to welcome you there as well...

link: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=337

[Radio_Lady]

47. Oh, I didn't know this forum existed -- I'll get involved there...

You, too, New Jersey...

Thanks, Lavenderdiva. Appreciate your letting me know.

I joined a Usenet group once at alt.support (something) but wasn't able to log on all the time and got a lot of SPAM (not the kind you eat, either).

This feels like a new beginning.

[Skittles]

93. KEEP A FOOD DIARY

try www.fitday.com for a free one

record everything you eat! most people have no idea how many calories they consume in a day

whatever weight you want to be, multiply by ten and use that as the average calorie count daily - but do NOT go under 1200

after a while you will notice patterns of eating and you actually will be discouraged eating something very bad because you know you have to record it!

TRY IT!

[Radio_Lady]

104. Great suggestion! Thanks so much, skittles -- you're a peach! n/t

[Skittles]

105. I WILL STILL KICK YOUR HUSBAND'S ASS

YES INDEED

[GreenPartyVoter]

74. I am right there with ya hon. Only I am bringing my weight gain on myself

but still, hubby doesn't like it one bit.

:hug:

[SoCalDem]

113. My husband is skinny.. I am definitely NOT.

Buy your husband somebooks that explain what happens during and after menopause. There are forces at work in our bodies (I am 56) that we can no longer "control" easily..

I always had a concave stomach..wven after 3 c-sections within 5 years.. My thighs & butt were J-Lo esque no matter how I exercised or dieted. I once weighed 103, and those two were still proportionally larger than i would have liked.. (Cannot fight genetics..Latin genes and gypsy genes)

anyway.. once I hit menopause my flat belly went buh-byee.. My doctor called it "buddha belly", and said that after menopause, the fat redistributes, and that's just the way it is for some people.

I "could" still wear my size 10 & 12 pants IF I could get them to close over the BELLY :grr:, but alas I cannot, so I eithe rhave to wear "stretchy" stuff or baggy stuff :cry:..

I Hate it.but have come to terms with it..

My husband knows better than to criticize me for something i cannot change:)

[kick-ass-bob]

121. Ack! Don't stop eating dinner. That's not healthy.

and it probably slows your metabolism even more.

[ihaveaquestion]

122. I don't eat dinner on most nights,

but then I go out dancing 3-4 nights a week and don't enjoy it on a full stomach. I sometimes have a snack afterwards. I've gotten used to eating light at night. This is what the Europeans do and they seem pretty healthy.

[kick-ass-bob]

124. Europeans eat more often than Americans.

So missing 1 out of 5 meals is better than missing 1 out of 3.

[AuntieM1957]

42. What a Jerk!

Unless he requested this out of clearly expressed concern for your health and well being.

If not, I say put a few stones in your pocket and SIT ON HIM!

If you need some extra weight to hold him down and pummel him, count on AuntieM!


Don't let anyone else steal your joy, sweetie.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Tell your husband to be more supportive

Doesn't he realize that your medication is not helping your problem? BTW, you are NOT FAT. I'm your height and when I weighed 163, I was skinny! My husband never says a word about my weight-and it's a lot more than what you weigh.

If your weight is bothering you, check with your doctor. If the doctor says you need to lose weight for health reasons, then listen-and ask for a plan to help you. If your doc says you are fine, IGNORE your husband.

[WindRavenX]

3. tell him to go fuck himself

I am so sick of people telling others (especially loved ones!) to lose weight.
Fuck that. If you're healthy, don't worry.

[flamingyouth]

6. What she said.

:thumbsup:

[greatauntoftriplets]

9. what she said as well.

:eyes:

[Kathy in Cambridge]

16. No shit. it's rude.

:wtf:

[FuzzySlippers]

19. What they said.

In spades.

[friesianrider]

111. Ditto.

What a pompous ass. Tell him you thik he needs to lose that spare tire around his waist and shave his back hair. And by the way, just a curious question, has he ever heard/seen those penis pumps...?

[sandnsea]

112. Tritto

If that's a word. What is with these guys. :shrug:

[Wetzelbill]

4. First of all, smack him in the head because you are beautiful already

Best advice is to eat small, snack-like meals throughout a day. You should eat dinner. Just make it small. Your body needs to have energy to burn energy.

Try walking. Just take a twenty minute walk in the morning. If you don't feel comfortable doing it by yourself, get a dog for protection or go to a mall and stroll around. Do that three times a week and you should be fine. You won't drop 30 pounds in a month or anything, but you will slowly but surely look even better and feel better. Make a lifestyle change, don't go on a diet or anything.

But do it for you. Not for him.

[gmoney]

5. He asked me the same thing!

Can't imagine why...

[Schema Thing]

24. lol, he IS a rude bastard. cuz gmoney, you so fiiiine

[Missy Vixen]

8. I'm furious just reading this

You deserve better than this.

Julie

[Wetzelbill]

18. I know.....

I had to force myself to be rationale in my post.

[usedtobesick]

10. every one seems to agree

tell him you'll work on it when he learns to get his head out of his ass and stop being a insensitive prick...

[NewInNewJ.]

11. Thanks

I have cried all evening. I just want to be ok with myself. I really appreciate your support. I do walk every morning with my dog. But is is so hard being 55, working hard every day and staying in shape.

[usedtobesick]

15. you could work out each day by whacking him with a bat

then he could cry and you're burning calories. Hang in there we can't always stupid, getting hit with a bat helps in the sensitivity area

[Wetzelbill]

22. well that's all you have to do

you're fine. Just as long as you feel healthy and strong. You do work around the house and walk with your dog. It's his problem not yours. You don't need to cry, we're all here for you and understand. :) :hug:

[billbuckhead]

25. Listen to "Be yourself is all that you can do" by Audioslave

:hug: Don't let others define you and hurt you, it's very hard. Be fair to oneself.

My mom got in good shape in her late 50's by walking a couple miles 5 days a week.

[Blue Gardener]

81. Much harder at 55 than at 25

Doesn't he realize how much harder it is to keep the weight off when you get past 40? You're fighting Mother Nature, so tell him to back off. I don't have the same figure I did 20 years ago either.

[Old_Fart]

13. Tell him to go to hell!

He should be happy that he has you.

[WhollyHeretic]

14. You need to tell him to get his priorities straight

He should not say something like that no matter what even without the Paxil part of the equation. You should tell him he needs to get some help learning compassion and tact.

[NewInNewJ.]

20. I am going to get my

act together. Thanks for listening. I guess I am just feeling sorry for my self. Tomorrow will be better. I know I have my act together in almost every respect other then my weight. I know what is going on in the court ry and and do not have my head in the sand about what really matters. He just is worried about my weight. Not the mess the nation is in , just my weight.

[Champ]

17. 163-5'6 ISN'T BAD

My g/f was 5'7 170 and didn't at all appear overweight to me and was as beautiful as ever.

[bertha katzenengel]

33. DAMN RIGHT IT'S NOT!

I asked New in NJ if she was happy as she is. But I could've added what you wrote, Champ.

[Redstone]

21. You're 55 years old. You're what you are going to be.

Your husband needs to get used to that concept.

Mrs R. doesn't weigh what she did when I met her, and neither do I (though she's closer). But I dont' care; we are the way we'll be, and we can like it or we can not, but we must accept it in either case.

If you're doing your best, and it's still not good enough for your husband, then it's his problem. Not yours.

Redstone

[Southsideirish]

23. Hon, start walking. First 1/2 mile, then add to it. You can do it. I

absolutely know you can!

Begin with walking up to a 1/2 mile and then start a very light jog. Don't worry about how you look - find a good path or running trail and wear a tee shirt and longish shorts and keep at it - you will start to lose weight. I lost 30 lbs lbs.in a year or so.

You must be consistent - every day - wear a headset with some music, bring a friend along or go by yourself. If the trail is a little deserted, bring some Mace or if you have a dog, bring him along.

Its sad that women have to consider the latter, but that is the way of the world today.

You can do it and it is so easy. You will love yourself with the results.

I'm 60 and I run 5-6 miles every day and see many folks older than me!

[Missy Vixen]

26. NewInNewJ, do you have a supportive family member or friend nearby?

Could you talk with the doctor that prescribed the Paxil about this matter? He or she may be able to direct you to someone in your community that may be able to help as well.

Julie

[NewInNewJ.]

36. I have only lived in N J. for 10 months

I have one friend, we move here for my husbands work.

[Missy Vixen]

39. Please call your doctor's office on Monday and make an appointment

In the meantime, don't worry about your husband's comments. Doesn't he know he'd better not mess with a Red Hatter?

http://www.theredhatsociety.com

I know that there must be a Red Hat group close to where you are living. You will find new friends there, and they will let you know that a hot flash is really a POWER SURGE. ;-)

Julie

[Mr.Green93]

28. Get a restraining order

and send him packing.

[Hello_Kitty]

29. Hi NewInNewJ.

Welcome to DU, first of all, though it looks like you've got some posts under your belt :hi:

I second the opinion of those who don't think you are overweight. For a woman your height and age, 163 is pretty normal. And cleaning houses all day is tremendous exercise. I just finished cleaning mine this afternoon (and a half-assed job at that) and I'm exhausted! You probably have a lot of muscle, which weighs more than fat. You oughtta tell your husband that he should think about hitting the gym because you're concerned that he won't be able to keep up with a fit, vital woman like yourself.

Also, let me extend to you a very cordial invitation to the DU Feminists Group. We discuss body image issues and the unrealistic demands on women to be unnaturally thin quite often. And we don't allow any woman bashing in there. There's also the Fat Acceptance Group, which always has some good insights on this issue. There's even a Weight Loss Support Group and an Exercise and Fitness one too. A lot of DUers struggle with this, and whether you want to lose weight or not, you'll find supportive people. Best of luck to you.

[alarimer]

30. You shouldn't skip meals though

that might make it worse by screwing with your metabolism.

[magnolia]

53. Yes...exactly!

Skipping meals does not help you lose weight...in fact, it does the opposite. When you skip a meal your body thinks that it is starving so your metabolism slows down. Calories are stored instead of burning off. Eat a simple meal of veggie/salad and protein, chicken/fish.

[grace0418]

80. Yes, your body thinks it needs to go into starvation mode

when you skip meals and you end up having a harder time losing weight. You're better off eating several very small meals than 2 larger meals.

And tell your husband that he needs to shut the hell up. Everybody changes as they get older, celebrate the beauty of every age!

[alarimer]

95. I should follow my own advice

but I end up skipping lunch a lot. I work outside and mostly I just want to get things done so I can get back to the a/c and not tstop for lunch. But I guess that doesn't really help. LOL. I've sort of given up on losing weight. I workout to slow the rate of increase. LOL

[bertha katzenengel]

31. Are you happy as you are?

If so, tell your husband that. All due respect, it is HIS problem and HIS ALONE after that point, New In NJ.

If you're not happy as you are, see if your psychiatrist can give you something different than Paxil (provided the transition period won't tailspin you). OR, see your physician about some dietary advice.

Here's a little unsolicited dietary advice: don't skip dinner. Eat a smaller portion, maybe, but don't skip it.

Best of luck you.

[BrklynLiberal]

32. I think your husband is a fathead!!! Do not let his attitude define how

you feel about yourself!

You do what you can to stay healthy and feeling good. The weight is secondary to those concerns.

It sounds to me like your weight is just fine...if your husband has trouble dealing with it, that is his problem, not yours.

It is his attitude that needs to change, not your weight.

We are here for you!

:bounce: :hi: :loveya: :hug: :yourock: :applause: :bounce:


BTW: A friend of mine has had excellent results with a Topamax and Lexapro combination. Ask your doctor about this. She has actually lost weight on this regimen. It may not work for you, but it may be worth asking about. This is not medical advice, only a suggestion to take up with your doctor.

[LeftyMom]

35. You should not have to choose between your sanity and your weight

Can you talk to your doctor about adjusting your dosage or trying a different medication? I know not all depression meds work for everybody so you may be stuck, but it's worth discussing.

While you're at the doctor maybe your husband can make a counseling appointment to discuss why he says insensitive things that he should know will upset you. Does he say things like this a lot or is this something new?

BTW, please don't skip dinner. Skipping meals isn't real good for your metabolism or your mood, so please do eat something in the evenings, even if it's just a little bit and even if it puts a few pounds on. :) If you're concerned, try to take a little walk or something after dinner, excersise is supposed to be good for people with depression and your husband won't have a leg to stand on complaining about your weight if you're working out.

PS I don't think 5'6" and 163lbs is something for him to get worked up about. That's a BMI of 26.3, 25 is overweight, 30 is obese, so you're barely overweight for an average build, and should probably give yourself a little wiggle room since cleaning all day has probably given you a bit more muscle than average.

[spooky3]

37. Exhubby said the same thing when I was 5'6" and 135.

I am not exaggerating.

That's part of why he's my ex. :-)

[NewInNewJ.]

40. Thanks so very much to all of you

I do so appreciate all of your support. I feel so loved with you all
sending me your best. You are great friends. Thanks again.

[Radio_Lady]

102. Hello, NewInNewJ. Did you transfer over to the weight forum?

I'll see you on the other side.

My day went well today. Beautiful weather and I was able to get a one hour water aerobics class tucked in before I took over the care of my two grandchildren.

I ate lightly all day and my husband made dinner for me and the children, which he rarely does! It's almost 10 PM and I'm going to bed without feeling any binges.

Hope Sunday goes this well. One day at a time, as they say in the 12 step. (I went to those meetings because I was addicted to a PERSON in the early 1980s. Ended up wiith a group in Boston called Emotions Anonymous. That's a long, difficult story so I won't bore you.)

How was your day?

[Wetzelbill]

60. IIIIII

So I'm thinking this guy wasn't a rocket scientist by any means, huh?

And, you're one of the most intelligent and thoughtful people I've encountered on DU too. Some people just don't get how lucky they are do they? :)

[spooky3]

68. thank you, sweetie!

[Wetzelbill]

83. you are so welcome

:)

[no name no slogan]

38. PLEASE READ THIS-- I'm a Paxil "survivor", too

I went from 145 to almost 220 in the course of four years. Weight gain is COMPLETELY NORMAL on Paxil.

I, too, went through some of the anguish, as I've always been somewhat slight and small-framed. I gained six inches on my waist and went through a couple different sizes before I stabilized.

You may want to check with your doctor about this, too. Sometimes SSRIs wear out after awhile, and the side effects become worse than the "cure". I'm currently on my fourth med in ten years: first Paxil, then Wellbutrin (briefly-- I had a major depression because of it), then on to Effexor for seven years (!), and most recently onto Cymbalta-- which I was prescribed two months ago, when I was hospitalized for another major depressive episode.

It is VERY DIFFICULT to lose weight on Paxil-- I tried and tried and tried and it took me a lot of work to lose weight. Skipping meals will not help-- you need to eat regularly, in small amounts is best. I don't mean to discourage you, but to support you-- it is hard, and I've been there. I know what you're going through and it's tough.

And if your husband wants a second opinion, SEND HIM TO ME. Send me a personal message if you like and I'll see if I can get some links re: Paxil and weight gain.

You need to know it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Some medications naturally cause weight gain in people-- Paxil is one of those.

And BTW you are NOT fat, for your height, weight and age. Whoever says you are is fulla crap-- and you can quote me on that!!!! :D

:hug: :pals:

[electron_blue]

41. Did you know the most sure-fire way to gain more weight is to

go on a diet? It's true. Your best bet is first making peace with your body now and then dealing with those anxiety issues that are probably partly driving you to eat when you're not hungry in the second place.

btw - you sound fine to me! I'm 5'5 and 155, size 8, so roughly the same stats as you. What's your hubby's problem?? I bet you look great.

[lavenderdiva]

43. please feel welcome to join us here in the Weight Loss/Maintenance Forum

link:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=337

we are all struggling, but trying to be supportive of and encouraging to one another. Plus, we often have new ideas, or links that may prove helpful. It really does help to know that someone is in your 'corner', or also going thru some of the same issues. We would love to welcome you there, and you could certainly help us too! :hi:

[asjr]

48. I hear you! The extra pounds I have

are so attached to my body they have filed for permanent residence under the Homestead Act.

[Geek_Girl]

49. Tell your Husband to take a hike

I hate it when men pull that shit.

I'm having weight trouble too.
I've found a really helpful book called "Why French Women don't get Fat" It gives some wonderful tips and tricks to weight loss. But the most helpful thing for me has been eating organic foods whenever I can. Whether it be snacks, meat, dairy, vegetable or grains I've lost
about 20 lbs, eating organic.

Also I eat organic plain yogurt every morning and I add a couple of berries. This keeps me from going to the snack machines before lunch. Unfortunately I still have cravings for bad stuff but not as much as I use to.

[khashka]

50. 163 lbs?

You are 55, 5'6" and weigh 163. So what do you do? Have you tried slapping your husband? Sometimes a good slap across the chops works wonders. You ain't anywhere near fat, my dear. And if he thinks so he's got another think coming.

Khash.

[NewInNewJ.]

52. Well

My husband thinks I am fat and ask me not to gain anymore weight.
I do feel over weight, but, I am the type of person, that loves from the heart and not for the beauty of things. I have always been more interested in what a person is, not what they look like. I thought my husband of 36 years was the same way, until now. Guess you never know what's in someone else's mind and thoughts.

[maveric]

51. Tell him to get a male enhancement procedure. What nerve he has!

[Wetzelbill]

55. hahahaha

[liss681]

56. What a jerk!!!

Don't listen to him... if you want to lose weight, go for it! If you don't, then tell him to kiss your ass! :hug:

[bearfan454]

57. Check your PM's n/t

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

58. My doctor had me try different anti-depressants, from Prozac to

Effexor to Lexapro and they all caused me to gain weight (about 50 lbs). He finally referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed me Wellbutrin, Xanax (have GAD and depression) and Topamax. The Topamax took off the weight I gained.

I'm 5'7 1/2 and 154 lbs. Before going on Topamax, I was 200 lbs.

Doesn't sound like you're overweight to me, considering your height and everything. I'm sorry your husband is being so insensitive. I'd tell him when you stop losing your hair and that beer gut, then we can talk.

In all seriousness, my therapist recommended an excellent book called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook." I picked it up at Barnes and Noble for about $20. It talks about panic disorder, anxiety and depression, ways to cope, the causes, and a host of other issues. Good luck to you. You're in my thoughts.

[neuvocat]

61. Take up weight-training.

Then you could just beat his ass.

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

62. There's that option, too...

[NorthernSpy]

63. ask your husband to be wealthier and more successful

Like body weight, ones income and level of career achievement are partly -- though certainly not entirely -- under ones control.

And like the struggle to become fashionably thin (or even just significantly less heavy than your body evidently wants to be), the struggle to become rich and important can involve an enormous amount of discomfort and self-denial. In the end, failure is still the norm, even for those who make a good effort.


Really, if it were me, I'd key in on just this sort of equivalent sore spot, and nail it. Is it shallow to throw other men's superior wealth and success in your partner's face? Sure, but the sooner he understands that this knife cuts both ways, the better. If he's going to undermine your personal dignity with his these evaluations of your body (nearly always a point of vulnerability for women), then you're justified in retaliating by targeting one of his vulnerabilities.

The point is, if he wouldn't want to endure that kind of unpleasantness from the person who is supposed to be his partner in life, then why's he dishing it out?

[spooky3]

69. great response!!!

[Bunny]

71. That is a fantastic response, and an excellent strategy.

:thumbsup:

[Catchawave]

72. The problem with men......

...is they don't think like women. And the problem with women, is that we want them too! In our dreams.

Unless there are other problems going on in your relationship, I'd just chock this up to the Y chromosone which contributes to not thinking before they open their mouths!

I've been in the trenches for 36 years, and believe me, it's "hard work"....LOL. Seriously, mine's a republican too. See, it can be worse

:hug:

Sidebar: Browse through the DU Groups Forums. Wonderful support groups there too...soup to nuts, so to speak :)

[hallo]

70. first

you should see a doctor to see if you really need to lose weight or not. Also dr. can diagnose thyroid or other things that cause women to retain weight (if that is the case).

[Heidi]

73. Welcome, NewInNewJ.!

Is your husband a medical doctor? (Probably not.) If your doctor thinks you need to lose weight, _he'll_ tell you. And if he thinks you need to stop taking your medicine, he'll tell you that, too. In fact, I think you should _tell_ your doctor about your situation at home, just to keep him informed about all of your health issues, including a husband who seems to care more about appearances than your mental health.

:hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

75. I'm 55, too, and fairly active for my age

(water aerobics and cycling) and I've gained weight over the past year without changing anything.

Judging from the women I see at the gym, fiftysomething women naturally plump up unless they're training for a triathlon or have naturally skinny genes, in which case they start to look too thin.

Tell your husband that he's being a superficial jackass.

[pink-o]

76. Everyone talks about the Freshman 15. No one ever tells you

...About the MENOPAUSE 15!!!!! I'm 50 and after years of yo-yo dieting I finally dropped the excess weight 10 years ago. At 6'1" I went from 190 to 150, and learned to love running and cycling. I figured I could continue to eat pasta and white bread as long as I exercised.

WRONG!!! Suddenly at 47, I started gaining all these inches around my waist that even pilates wasn't trimming off anymore! So remember, with the Paxil your stage of peri-menopause must be factored in. In order to keep my weight off, I had to say buh-bye to processed flour foods. I despise fad diets, they set you up for failure, but the South Beach or the Zone work pretty well for women our age.

And the posters are right! Eat dinner---even just a salad with an omelette. However, walking isn't enough at our age, we need to strength train with weights as well. So....here's the perfect revenge.

Withdraw 3,000 from your joint bank account and jet off to the Caribbean to a high-end spa and exercise facility!!!! When you get back after 2 weeks, whatever's left of the money, hire a 28 year old stud personal trainer who'll have his hands all over you to position and spot you at the gym and keep you on track! When the fathead husband complains, tell him you're taking his advice and he should be pleased. :bounce:

[Radio_Lady]

107. Hey, pink-o, this is a delicious response!

Revenge is sweet, isn't it?

[skygazer]

77. God I hate it when people do that!

How's he looking these days? Got all his hair? In fabulous shape? No wrinkles, saggy spots, bulges? I'm willing to bet he's not perfect either.

People don't look like they did when they were 20 forever - fact of life. You don't sound like you're grossly overweight and I bet you're in pretty good shape judging by the job you do. He needs to lay off and get real.

I'm 44. I used to work construction and I had a body and a half then. I was buff. That was about ten years ago. Since then, I've broken my back, had neck surgery, acquired arthritis in my spine - in other words, I've aged. I now weigh about 165 at 5'6" and though I'd like to look like I used to, I know I never will. I'm not capable of any high impact exercise. I walk regularly (which is a nice way to exercise and your insulting hubby could do it with you instead of harping on your weight) and my job is quite physical so I'm not in horrible shape - I just weigh more than I used to and I'm not hard and taut and flat bellied.

Neither is my hubby but I love him to pieces and he loves me.

One other thought to consider is changing meds. If the Paxil is working well for you, you may not want to but there are other options out there that may not have that effect. It might be worth asking your doctor about. Bottom line, though, your mental health needs to come before your husband's discomfort with a little extra poundage.

[tibbir]

78. If paxil is helping you stay sane don't give up on it.

You might want to talk to your doctor about trying another SSRI that isn't so bad about weight gain. I take a lot of weight-positive medicine and I've found the only way to keep things level is to do a lot of walking. I started out with short distances and then gradually worked up. The other good thing about regular exercise is that it helps with your anxiety level.

[ihaveaquestion]

82. Sorry - there's no trick to it. You gotta exercise all the freakin time.

Try biking, walking, dancing or any other activity you like, but you have to do it 3 - 4 times a week for at least an hour.

That's what I have to do or I put on the pounds. I lost weight (35 lbs) after coming off medication and getting a hyperthyroid reaction. This sounds good but the other effects of hyperthyroid are pretty bad - heart irregularities, dry skin, hair & nails to the point of disintegration, and nervous tremors - not fun! I'm in remission and to keep the weight off I started going swing dancing 3-4 nights a week. I really do love to dance and I meet lots of nice friendly folks. If I ever have to quit dancing - I'll probably be tubby again, though.

Good luck.

[Radio_Lady]

106. ihaveaquestion, your links to the Jon Carroll and the Unitarian Jihad

are funny as all-get-out...

I'm printing them and taking them to the WHUUF (West Hills UU Fellowship), where I sometimes attend services here in Portland.

By the way, I'm going to ask them to start calling me by my new name. See below! That really describes me completely!

I urge you to get your new name from the Unitarian Jihad.

(Signed)

Sibling Spikey Mace of Looking at All Sides of the Question

[ihaveaquestion]

119. Doncha just love it !!!

I've been hoping the Unitarian Jihad would catch on in a big way with a major website somewhere. Know anyone who would want to do it?

[Radio_Lady]

123. Well, I just know about the local fellowship. They are at

www.whuuf.org with office hours listed. I'm not sure whether they are too straight laced to do the link, but on Sunday we talked about another site which seemed pretty interesting, where you "choose your religion" by answering several questions. I'll have to look up the information. Also, the discussion at the church was about "Affirming Your UU Status" -- because everyone asks, "What exactly is Unitarian-Universalism?" and "What you believe in UU?" Seven people answered the questions and it was really great. One person reported that he had never laughed in church. Believe me, we do a lot of laughing!

There is also a UU church in downtown Portland, Oregon, but we've never been there.

I also attended the First Parish Church in Sudbury, Massachusetts.

As far as "religious humor" sites, I don't know any, but you could try to google that phrase. If I had time, I'll try to help you think of places to link, but I'm busier than a one-armed paperhanger today. I should be doing other things, but I'm on PERPETUAL HOLD with a medical office this morning and tied to my desk!

Nice to talk with you!

[musette_sf]

84. I was on Prozac, then Celexa,

and just could not lose weight. I changed to Effexor XR, and finally have been losing weight through modest changes in diet and exercise.

I mean, really, I could diet and exercise (not like a mad crazy anorexic person, mind you, but honestly cutting down on food and moving around a little more) and lose NOTHING on the first two drugs.

Also better sex drive :-) on Effexor XR.

Effexor XR is different from the SSRIs, it is an SNRI (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor). It's been a godsend for me. Everyone's different but just a suggestion.

PS, welcome to DU!! :hi:

[newsguyatl]

88. be glad you're not a male then

effexor KILLED my sex drive (and the erections that came with it)

i, too, have gained mad weight on cymbalta... if it keeps going up, i may very well have to get off of it, though the thought scares the hell out of me.

[neweurope]

85. My SO... used to tell me that I was too thin (when we

made love). Now that I'm chronically sick and have gained weight - can't do anything, can't do any more sports etc. because of the sickness - he obviously still hasn't anything against my weight - in the bedroom. On the street, though, he now is staring openly at every younger, slimmer woman.. even makes remarks like "oh, if we only had room we would have picked up that hitch hiker, pretty as she is. My, isn't she pretty...".

I'm asking myself now why I told this. Guess I'm a sucker for sympathy.

---------------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[bicentennial_baby]

87. That stinks!

At least make things equal, start gawking at hot men :D

Seriously though, :hug:

[neweurope]

90. Thanks for the hug. Shit, I'm crying. Better go to bed.

--------------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[I Have A Dream]

99. Oh, my... that's just abuse, neweurope.

Nothing is worse than being with your partner and having him/her oogle someone else. In my opinion, it's one of the most disrespectful things that someone can do to their partners.

Maybe I'm wrong, but he sounds sadistic. You deserve to be treated better. What is it with some men? :cry:

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

86. Your husband is being a jerk

aside from that, the benefit of weight training for perimenopausal women is that it strengthens bones and helps to ward off osteoporosis.

[zanne]

89. I also weight 163 lbs. I'm 53. I'm on Paxil!

Wow! I'm married, too. If my husband asked me not to gain any more weight because he was sincerely worried about my health, I'd definitely talk about it with him. If, on the other hand, he asked me not to gain more weight because of how it looks, I'd tell him to lose that baby he's been carrying around. I'd also ask him to get some hair. THEN, I'd consider it.

[LaurenG]

91. Heck your not doing badly

You need the paxil and it does tend to do that. You'll probably lose it as you get older. If you're really upset about it talk to the doctor about switching anti anxiety meds. Some actually help you to keep trim.

Tell your hubby to lay off. Is he perfect? I didn't think so.

[Skittles]

92. I WANT TO KICK YOUR HUSBAND'S INSENSITIVE ASS

HE HAS IT COMING - BIG TIME

[Dastard Stepchild]

94. Oh my.... I didn't realize it was such a simple decision...

Asking someone to please not gain any more weight, that is. :eyes:

Seems to me the body doesn't ever work that way, especially after the introduction of certain meds. My apologies to you for having heard such an insensitive comment from your husband.

[UncleSepp]

96. See your doctor

Keep the food diary as suggested, and also note your exercise. Then go to your doctor with that information. If what you eat and what you do doesn't add up to what you weigh, the doctor will look for other explanations. Going off Paxil without your doctor's guidance isn't a good idea. My mom went through this at 57, and it turned out that it wasn't hidden calories or a case of the lazy ass - it was her thyroid and untreated diabetes.

Good luck!

[WhiteTara]

97. at least he didn't say Lose Weight!

and I love Lexapro. Great for anxiety, depression without the usual side effects. During times of great stress, I up my meds. Good luck.If Curves weren't on the wrong side of things, I would suggest going there. I lost 20 lbs and inches everywhere. sigh

[silverlib]

98. A little late into this thread...

but, when I was much younger and much, much thinner, a sixty-something neighbor came to my house one day and said her husband, Bill, was complaining about her growing buttocks.

She said to him - Bill, anything that gets hammered on as much as this (pointing to her behind) has got to spread.

I'm fifty-four and more overweight than you. I blame mine on being spayed - and I kid you not! I am also grateful for that wonderful next door neighbor I had in my twenties.

[kodi]

100. remind him of how easy it is to cut off his dick while he is asleep

i feel for ya' gal.

[Radio_Lady]

108. Yeah, did John Bobbitt's wife get away with doing that to him?

Lorena Bobbitt, wasn't that her name? Oh, and he wasn't asleep and she threw it out the window of the car on to the side of the road, but they "repaired" it, I think.

Where is Lorena now???? I could use a little "dick docking" sparkle dust, myself. I'd use it on some nutcases who hindered my career because I wouldn't sleep with them -- oh, well, that was a long time ago.

[ScreamingMeemie]

103. Ask him whether he married you or the packaging.

I can never get over how insensitive partners can be....especially when most people know they are having weight issues. As if verification helps. My heart goes out to you. 163 at 5'6" and 55 is not a bad weight to be.

[Robeson]

110. Then lose some weight....

...because you don't want to lose your mega-stud husband, who no doubt, resembles a youthful Robert Redford. Afterall, you need to keep him happy, because if you don't, a bunch of California beach bunnies will steal him from you due to his massive studliness...:sarcasm:

[NewInNewJ.]

116. I am just going to cut back some on my meals.

I have had a little time to think about it, Today I told my husband ,that if he keeps wearing shorts, that he needed to do something about his skinny legs. That made me feel alittle better.

Thanks to all for your support.

[Dervill Crow]

114. If you could change meds it might help.

Switching to Prozac instead of Paxil would be good, because Prozac actually can help you lose weight by decreasing your appetite. If you are already skipping dinner, though, it doesn't sound like that's what you need to do. Instead of skipping dinner, just be sure you get enough fruit and vegies each day. It's easy in the summertime to eat healthy.

You're not at a bad weight for your height. Shame on your husband for making you feel bad. It sounds like you're getting some serious hard work in, cleaning houses, but plain old walking is great exercise and might make you feel better physically and emotionally, too.

[qanda]

118. (((NewInNewJ))))

I'm sure you are beautiful just the way you are. BTW, skipping meals is no way to lose weight, it lowers your metabolism. I'm battling some extra weight right now and so I know how you feel, but it's always easier when I make the decision, for myself, to lose weight. If it's something that you feel is necessary then do it for yourself and start making small changes towards a healthier lifestyle.

[Shell Beau]

120. As long as you are happy with your body then

screw him. It would be something you would want for you, no one else. If you are happy, then he should be happy that you are happy. Love should be deeper than the physical. And 5'6" at 163 doesn't sound too bad to me. Tell him to get over it.

[musiclawyer]

126. The drug and the husband aside...

(Lots of good info here re: dealing with those issues, I'll stick to what I know--nutrition and exercise. My comments.
1. Yes, see a doctor, make sure there is no thyroid issue.


2. Get a good pair of shoes and start walking. Don't worry about distance. Just keep a good clip and start out 10, 15 30 minutes then an hour, every day. Don't miss a day. It will be so easy for you after a while.

2. Assuming there is no thyroid issue, eat dinner. Actually try to eat healthy meals a day, and nothing after 7 pm except water or herbal tea or decaf tea.

4. Here's the hard part. Banish these many things from your house (or at kleast make sure you don't eat them, ever, or at least until you have the discipline to just have a little bit:

a...refined flour and anything made with it (bread, pasta, cakes, cookies, crackers etc;

b....sugar and fake sugars (splenda, nutrasweet, high fructose corn syrup )
That pretty nmuch cleas out your cupboard and fridge if you are like most Americans. Read the labels.

c....bad oils.soybean oil, Corn Oil, Canola oil, Margarine, vegetable oils. (Don't be shocked, there is an easy solution, below)

d...cheese and red meat. Not necessarily a bad thing in moderation, but probably not for you right now.

e...Salt. Buy real sea salt instead.

Here's what this all means. You eat only whole grains. Oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, breads made from whole grains, Ezekial Bread, Manna Bread etc

You sweeten stuff with natural sugars in small quantities: maple syrup, honey, stevia, 100% whole fruit jams (again look at the label, no cane sugar or fake sugars)

You cook with olive oil, or coconut oil(preferebly 100% extra virgin) and sometimes butter (real butter with no salt)

You eat lots of fruits and veggies raw. make your own salad dressing with lemons, limes and olive oil. If you must buy store bought dressing, go to Whole Foods/Trader Joe or some place like that and get stuff made with only good oil. Steam or wok veggies if you like, but better raw.

Stick with eggs, nonsweetened yogurt(sweeten it yourself), eggs and poultry and fish for your big protein in-take.

Don't mix protein with non-veggie carbs..... In other words. If you have fish or meat, have it accompanied by veggies, not rice or bread. If you have rice or whole grains, accompany with veggies, not meat ot eggs. etc.

Drink lots of water.

This is very basic. But practice and research will make perfect. Good luck.

[pitohui]

127. i think you gotta stay sane first

mental health comes first, unfortunately, the side effect you mention is not rare and is resistant to diet or exercise so, as you already know, not eating doesn't make any difference

could be worse, i know a guy who doubled his weight on ssri's and wasn't a small guy to begin with, no alternative, he is not functional when he's off his meds

ask your doctor if you can switch to an alternate medicine but if the answer is no, i think your husband should stfu about your weight

steroids and some hormones can do the same