"I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison" Best Country/Western lyrics

[Skip Intro]

Now Iron Maiden or Pantera is more my speed, but every now and then, I can take the country song or two.

I've been in bars where everyone in the whole damn place stops and sings along with this one (even me).

Read down to the bolded lyrics - I mean, you gotta give the guy credit for that.

:smoke:


You Never Even Call Me By My Name

---------------------
WELL, IT WAS ALL THAT I COULD DO TO KEEP FROM CRYIN'
SOMETIMES IT SEEMED SO USELESS TO REMAIN
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME BY MY NAME

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME WAYLON JENNINGS
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME CHARLIE PRIDE
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MERLE HAGGARD ANYMORE
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ON MY FIGHTIN' SIDE

AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME
AND I NEVER MINDED STANDIN' IN THE RAIN
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME

WELL, I'VE HEARD MY NAME A FEW TIMES IN YOUR PHONE BOOK (Hello, Hello)
AND I'VE SEEN IT ON SIGNS WHERE I'VE PLAYED
BUT THE ONLY TIME I KNOW I'LL HEAR "DAVID ALLAN COE"
IS WHEN JESUS HAS HIS FINAL JUDGMENT DAY

SO I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME
AND I NEVER MINDED STANDIN' IN THE RAIN
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME

SPOKEN:
WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG AND
HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG. I WROTE
HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY
& WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA,
OR TRAINS, OR TRUCKS, OR PRISON, OR GETTIN' DRUNK. WELL HE SAT
DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG AND HE SENT IT TO ME,
AND AFTER READING IT, I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE
PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG. AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT
ON THIS ALBUM. THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE:

WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN

AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME
AND I NEVER MINDED STANDIN' IN THE RAIN
NO, A' YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME
WELL I WONDER WHY YOU DON'T CALL ME
WHY DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME BY MY NAME

---------------------

others....?

[enigmatic]

1. The Grand Tour- George Jones

Always puts a tear in my eye..


Step right up, come on in
If you'd like to take the grand tour
Of a lonely house that once was home sweet home
I have nothing here to sell you
Just some things that I will tell you
Some things I know will chill you to the bone

Over there sits the chair
Where she brang the paper to me
And sit down on my knee and whisper oh I love you
But now she's gone forever
And this old house will never be the same
Without the love love that we once knew

Straight ahead that's the bed
Where we lay and love together
And lord knows we had a good thing going here
See her picture on the table
Don't it look like she'd be able
Just to touch me and say good morning dear

There's her rings all her things
And her clothes are in the closet
Just like she left them when she tore my world apart
As you leave you'll see the nursery
Oh she left me without mercy
Taking nothing but our baby and my heart
Step right up, come on in.....

[Heidi]

2. "The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend"

The Lyrics:
Well I Got Home and the door was locked
And I tried to ring the bell
I found a little bitty note that she had wrote
Telling me to go to hell

I crawled in the window got inside
She kicked me in the balls I cried
Called me a name said I lied
Kicked me again I thought I died

Took my clothes set em’ on fire
And hit me with her curling iron
I tired to block it with my watch
And then she kicked me in the crotch again
Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend

Well I tried to tell her but she didn’t care
Things weren’t what they seemed
She had a pan on the stove full of boiling water
And my nads would soon be steamed
I tried to run scream for help
She hit me in the nerts with a Rhinestone belt
It was like nothing that I ever felt
I thank god I wasn’t wearing a kilt

She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed
She swung it once and she missed my head
She reared back swung again and
Then she hit me in the twins again
Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend
Yeah today’s that awful day,
Now my boys won’t be the same
Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend



The video:http://www.big-boys.com/articles/wifemet.html

[datasuspect]

3. best lyric (excerpt)

just a little bit of waylon
sure goes a long way

[Bridget Burke]

4. "She broke my heart when she quit her job."

That one may be apocryphal.

But "I just threw my last bottle at the jukebox--I started hating cheating songs today" is not. Neither is "he wrote Your Cheating Heart about a girl just like my first ex-wife; he moaned the blues for me & for you. Hank Williams, you wrote my life." (Moe Bandy recorded both those tunes--he started out hard-core honky tonk but now has a theater in Branson.)

For truly suicidal melancholy, check out Bluegrass lyrics--& tunes from the "brother" acts. Here's a page for the Louvin Brothers:

www.bluegrasslyrics.com/louvin_index.cfm.htm

Gram Parsons & Emmylou covered a couple of these.

[Patiod]

5. the weather is here, I wish you were beautiful

my thoughts aren't too clear
life's too easy today
the beer is too cold
the daquiri's too fruitiful
no place like home when you're this far away

/Buffett used to work in Nashville, so he sort of qualifies as country....

[lpbk2713]

6. Old dogs care about you even when you make mistakes;

God bless little children while they’re still too young to hate.
When he moved away I found my pen and copied down that line
’bout old dogs and children and watermelon wine.

[Shell Beau]

7. Great song! He has some others that I love as well.

The Ride!

I was thumbin' back from Montgomery
with a guitar on my back
When a stranger pulled up beside me in an antique Cadillac.
Well, he was dressed like 1950, half drunk and hallow eyed
Its a long walk to Nashville, would you like a ride, son.
He sat down in the front seat, and turned on the radio
and them sad old songs comin' outta them speakers was solid country gold.
Then I noticed the stranger was ghost white pale when he asked me for a light.
And knew there was somethin' strange about this ride.

CHORUS:
He said: Mister can you make folks cry when you play and sang.
Can you pay your dues, can you moan the blues
Can you bend them guitar strangs.
He said: Boy, can you make folks feel what you feel inside,
Cause if your big star bound let me warn you its a long hard ride.

Well, he cried just south of Nashville, and he turned that car around.
he said: (spoken) this is where you get off, boy
cause I'm going back to Alabam'.
I stepped out of that ole Cadillac and I said Mister, many thanks.
he said you don't have to call me mister, Mister.
The whole world calls me Hank.





And also... If that aint country part 2

Well I'm just an old man now covered with scars
Most of them I got fightin' in them redneck bars
And A bunch of brand new tattoos that Squench put on me

He covered up the ones I'd gotten years ago
Back in prison when I was just Dave Coe
And I wasn't famous then and I wasn't free

You know I grew up in a three room run down shack
At the foot of the hill by the railroad track
Where decent folks don't go when the sun goes down

My daddy worked at the Goodyear tire and rubber company
And he worked on cars
My momma went to church and my daddy went to bars
Most people just called it the hillbilly part of town

I had a '55 Chevy when I was fifteen
I painted it red cause I was still green
Hell I couldn't even afford to buy it gas

Had a .410 rifle and a bowie knife to
Red Man tobacco that I liked to chew
And we'd count the cars when the trains went past
And if that ain't country i'll kiss your ass

Chorus
If that ain't country it'll hair lip the pope
If that ain't country it's a damn good joke
I've been on the Grand Ol Opry and I know Johnny Cash
And if he ain't country i'll kiss your ass

You know one of my sisters was a lady of the night
Then one day she saw the light
Now she don't do those things that she used to do

She never made the funeral when my daddy died
I said I'd forgive her but I guess I lied
Cause there ain't no way to hide the way that I feel

Me and my brothers took our sister Diane
Down to the funeral home to see the old man
Jimmy was the oldest and Diane she was the youngest one

Jack and Ray was in the middle and then there was me
And I'm the one that turned 23
And grew up to be that yankee's rebel son

Times are changing I heard Bob Dylan say
It's been fifteen now since my father passed away
But I can still picture him in his overalls

Standin' around the house where he made his deals
Around the porch there was a bunch of old wheels
And some used Harley Davidson parts that he sold for cash

There was fifty holes in an old tin roof
Me and my family was livin' proof
Everybody called us old poor white trash
And if that ain't country i'll kiss your ass

Chorus
If that ain't country it'll hair lip the pope
If that ain't country it's a damn good joke
I've been on the Grand Ol Opry and I know Johnny Cash
And if he ain't country i'll kiss your ass

And if that ain't country i'll kiss your ass
And if that ain't country i'll kiss your ass





I am pretty sure though that David Allen Coe was one of the most racist, homophobic men out there. Some of his songs are proof of that. Just google some of his racist songs! x(

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

8. Yep...I was just gonna say

[Shell Beau]

9. Unfortunately I bought one of his CD's a long

time ago b/c I had no clue of that (how could I not know?) But I enjoyed a few songs and never listened to the rest, so I don't know if there were any racist ones on there. But some of his songs are disgusting. I just realized HOW disgusting when I googled them. I can't believe any one could be filled with such hate.

[DrGonzoLives]

10. That song is hilarious

So is "Goodbye Earl" by The Dixie Chicks.

[Love Bug]

11. "Thank God and Greyhound she's gone"

[Aristus]

12. "I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like You're Here."

I've never heard this song, but my wife swears it exists.

[MN ChimpH8R]

13. Some Great Titles

"Get your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in Bed"

"I Don't Know Whether to Get Drunk or Go Bowling"

"Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye"

Found at http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/2001-05-09/eloaf_weird.html

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

14. John Denver - Please Daddy (Dont Get Drunk This Christmas)

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

Just last year when I was only seven
And now Im almost eight as you can see
You came home at a quarter past eleven
Fell down underneath our Christmas tree

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

Mumma smiled and looked outside the window
She told me son, you better go upstairs
Then you laughed and hollered Merry Christmas
I turned around and saw my Mummas tears

Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
Please Daddy, dont get drunk this Christmas
I dont wanna see my Mumma cry
No, I dont wanna see my Mumma cry

[ernstbass]

15. She never cried when Old Yeller died

I always liked that one

[NoSunWithoutShadow]

16. I'm My Own Grampa

I'M MY OWN GRAMPA -
Homer & Jethro 1956 RCA Victor 6765


Many, many years ago when I was 23
I was married to a Wider who was purty as can be
This Wider had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy


I'm my own grampa,
I'm my own grampa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grampa


My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle then that also made him brother
Of the Wider's grown up daughter who of course was my step-mother

My father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my granchild for he was my daughters son
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife she's my grandmother too


I'm my own grampa,
I'm my own grampa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grampa


Oh if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
For now I have become strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my own grandmother I'm my own grampa


I'm my own grampa,
I'm my own grampa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grampa