How do YOU keep your menfolk happy and at home where they belong?

[ScreamingMeemie]

I like to dress up real pretty like, and perhaps match my apron to my shoes, clean the children up and have a warmed pair of slippers waiting. Thus, he will not eye that wonton hussy next door who's always taking my man from me. How 'bout you? :shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

1. No drink waiting for him when he walks in the door?

;)

[Lars39]

2. pearls, forgot the pearls.

*snicker*

[ohiosmith]

3. What did you say the hussy's address is?

[ET Awful]

10. Yeah, when you say "next door" do you mean to the right or to the left?

Please be specific.

[matcom]

4. your a good skirt

i'd keep ya :D

[SpiralHawk]

5. No milk and cookies?

I'm going down to Joe's Tavern, see you later.

[noamnety]

6. I like to post on DU a lot

and forget to make dinner.

of course, my man's not home - he "went out for a bit," I think on his bike.

[crispini]

7. She's a wonton hussy?

Is she *made* of Chinese dumplings, or does she just serve them a lot? :rofl:

[datasuspect]

31. you caught it too?

i wanted to say something, but i ascribed as oversight on mrsgrumpy's part.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

8. I greet my hubby in my birthday suit with a martini

[tigereye]

15. but Phyllis Schafly says we should wrap ourselves in

saran wrap and greet him at the door! Well, in a very old book she wrote. However, her views ain't changed....

:crazy:

[Kathy in Cambridge]

18. I thought she's say we should wrap ourselves in the flag

:crazy:

[tigereye]

21. that woman has said so many bizarre things

and continues to say 'em, that I can't believe that anyone still listens to her.

[LaurenG]

9. He's too busy making dnner and doing the chores

after work to have time for that. lol

[Bunny]

11. D'oh! *slaps forehead*!

Is THAT what I'm doing wrong??? Maybe that's why I don't have a man :cry:

[Cathyclysmic]

12. Bunt Cake

nothing says 'I love you now take care of little old me' like a Bunt cake.

[tigereye]

16. zat why I keep eyeing those Bundt pans in the store?

:silly: :hi:

[Cathyclysmic]

33. yes, once you can bake, your life is complete

[tigereye]

36. then my man is less likely to stray since he knows he'll have

cake waiting. ( actually, the husband is a much better baker than I am.)

[Jamastiene]

13. I'm not married, but my mother is an expert and just about

everything when it comes to psychological warfare. She analyses people like a cold hearted machine with precision accuracy. She can sum up everything there is to know about a person by one act. She says that if a person goes to the bathroom and then gets something to drink right afterwards, it means they feel like the are missing something and have to have something in return for their deposit. She also goes off into a complete psychological profile of the person and can predict other behaviour. She scares me really bad with that stuff. She's so cold and calculating. It doesn't surprise me though. She's never even hugged me. She lacks the ability to feel emotions for others. It's a weird situation to say the least.

Anyhow, my mother's got a way of keeping her hubby, my stepfather, on a tight leash. She calls him wherever he goes and if he bucks at doing his household chores, she faints or falls and says her "disease" is killing her and he caves every time. She feeds my stepdad big meals, and I mean really big meals. He's like a hummingbird (keeps really busy from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep), so he doesn't gain any weight. The meals do, however, put his lights out for at least a few hours. He swears up and down that she slips some "mickies" in his food.

[catzies]

14. I don't have any menfolk. Can I borrow yours? And pay no attention

to my luxurious surroundings, my abundantly-stocked closet or my wanton come-hither looks. I just want my couch moved about six inches to the right. So after he does that, I'll go back to saying how happy I am that I can do everything by myself.

;) Nice copycat. :hi:

[tigereye]

17. how do your warm those slippers Mrs. G?

:silly: :hi:

[WCGreen]

19. Girls, We really really really like oral.......

B Gel tooth paste....

[Kathy in Cambridge]

20. That thread got locked, BTW

It was entertaining while it lasted...

[uppityperson]

27. Mine too. Should've posted in the lounge

funny topics showing up today

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. I can't tell you because it will get this thread locked but

Plus I make him lots of snacks. (see above pic)

[flamingyouth]

23. I drug his food.

;)

[uppityperson]

24. I massage his feetsies and serve pie for dessert everynight

after all, he does get tired from moving furniture and other heavy things around the house.

[SmileyBoy]

25. Cook him his dinner like he wants it.

Now get back in dat kitchen, woman!!!:spank:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

26. I drive the car to work

and he stays home trying to get the truck to start! He loves tinkering, and the lack of wheels keeps him home (it's a half mile walk to the nearest neighbor).

[RedCloud]

28. One ton hussy next door?

That is quite a woman...

Okay, I know what I deserve again! :spank:

Boy, those self discipline classes are starting to pay off.

Editing to avoid the spelling police, I hope!

[SOteric]

29. Chloroform.

[TrogL]

30. can't respond - thread would lock

[Deja Q]

32. I've learned that terrific oogie-joogie keeps mine staying around.

Both people need not have the identical interests, as I've discovered.

But thinking and doing what makes them happy (and not just in the sack) helps.

As for the hussy, I dunno. Most men of any status or desire can be found in bars. :D And some of them would want to be married too.

[skygazer]

34. You are a paragon among women

I like to have soothing music playing and I greet him at the door with his favorite drink, take his hat and coat and guide him to a comfy chair where I remove his shoes and massage his feet while he watches the news.

Then I serve him a wonderful dinner and listen wide-eyed and open-mouthed with awe while he tells me about his day at the office.

*Oooooh, I feel a little sick now...*

[Evergreen Emerald]

35. I would tell you but my mother frequents DU

[hickman1937]

37. Never did figure that one out.

He was always following me to the bar. I finally dumped him and took care of the kids myself. And he refused to do the housework. The day he left, 3 loads of wash left with him.

[MissMarple]

38. Well, have you tried wrapping your naked self in saran wrap...

and meeting him at the door as he comes in from work? A uh... friend had a book suggesting this way back in the 70's. I think it was a "Christian" book. Too weird, way too weird.

[Fiona]

39. Oral sex...

I'm getting so good, he said he's gonna give me a pearl necklace soon!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

40. Mudwrestle with the wanton hussy next door.

Show that slut who the better woman is, and make sure she never forgets it!

[JVS]

41. We don't belong at home! We belong out somewhere doing fun stuff.

[greenbriar]

42. fuck him every night

feed him every day and keep your house clean!




all the while spending his money while he is at work :)

[swag]

43. A bale of latex gloves, a case of lube, and a Hot Shot HS 36 Cattle Prod

usually collude with me in the performance of that duty.

[khashka]

44. Blowjobs.

Allways a winner with guys. Well, he keeps comin' home!


Khash.