Nueva California - Blue States secede

[rugger]

Or preferable, let's get the red states to secede again. I always thought it a shame the North won he Civil War

 Dear Red States,



   We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.



   In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.



   To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer.
You get Ken Lay.



  We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

  We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

  We get Yale. You get Ole' Miss.



   We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states pay their fair share.



   Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.



   Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose,
and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home.



   We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.



   With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapples
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners),
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of
the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors,
all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Call Tech,
and MIT.



   With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitos, nearly 100 percent of the tornados,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson, and the University of Georgia.



  We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.



   Additionally, 83 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent think that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe that you are
people with higher morals than we lefties.



  By the way, we're taking the good pot too.

  You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.



  Sincerely,



  Author of Unknown New California