Okay. It's time for one of my personal favorite ROFL-inducing threads:

[bertha katzenengel]

AMAZING and DUMBFOUNDING THINGS YOU HAVE SAID TO YOUR CHILDREN!

Things that you Can't. Believe. You. Just. Said.

Or things you've heard others say to their kids.

I'll start with entries from a list my sisters keep:

Don't slap your burrito. (Nothing nasty here -- the kid had a burrito on a plate and he was slapping it.)

Get the broccoli off your arm.

Don't explode your doughnut. (My fave)

And just heard ringing in this very room, in a voice that sounded strangely like my own:

GOD DAMMIT, DADDY, GET OFF THE ESCAPE BUTTON! (Daddy's a cat)

Let's hear 'em, Friends! I want to laugh!

[mzteris]

1. don't kick the fish, son.........

Hubby heard another dad telling his kid that at the lake a few years back.... it's always been a favorite with us when something weird happens.

[bertha katzenengel]

2. *blink*

:rofl: Thank you, mzteris!

[bertha katzenengel]

3. ONE reply?

Is it the thread title?

[WCGreen]

4. Sorry, no kids......

[bertha katzenengel]

8. have you overheard anything?

have you said anything dumbfounding to your cats? :hi;

[youthere]

5. Not to a kid but..."I just had a blast in your bathroom"

Customer in front of me at convenience station talking to the clerk. He was referring to the automatic paper towel dispenser...apparently he'd never seen one before.

[WCGreen]

6. coulda been an artic blast blast

[Left_Winger]

7. I'm a high school teacher and...

one thing that drives me crazy is when a student is chewing gum in a loud manner. The rule in my class is: "I don't mind if you chew gum, just please keep it to yourself: don't pop it, don't blow bubbles, don't pull it out of your mouth in long strings, and most of all, please don't stick it under the desk (remember there are hard-working custodians who must clean up behind you)."

So, when a student is making a lot of noise with their gum I have become rather well-known for telling my students: "Please do not masticate so loudly, it is rather distracting."

The word "masticate" sounds like something else which gets their attention very quickly and they stop.

Another one of my favorites in this category is: "Oh, you are just trying to exacerbate the situation".

On the positive side, I try and use humor to expand their vocabulary and in these two cases, it works rather well.

:hi: and good morning.

Thanks again for the assistance yesterday. I have since learned how to make a photobucket. Now all I have to do is learn how to use it to move the pics to the post. But, I'm learning.

[bertha katzenengel]

9. Sounds like good teaching tactics.

As to the photobucket: once you have a picture in there, all you have to do is copy the URL that appears under the thumbnail in your photobucket and paste it into the message window. That's it! :hi:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

10. I did something like that the other day while excoriating a DU troll.

Paraphrasing myself, he was edulcorating his non-sequiturs with fallacious rhetoric. Got similar reactions from the "crowd".

Having a Latin language (two actually) as your native ones is useful sometimes.

[mzteris]

17. you reminded me

of an incident in my high school biology class lo - many years ago.

In response to a couple of boys being VERY disruptive, the (male) bio teacher yelled, "If you two don't stop, I'm going to rip off your coccyx and stick it in your ear!"

What the teacher "said" was the subject of much anatomy discussion for days throughout the school!

:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

11. Don't paint your sister's face.

[Hugin]

12. "At night with the lights off this room is going to be dark."

Wouldn't you love to be one of those people to whom
every sunset is a miracle...

"Oh, look! It's happening again!"

[ScreamingMeemie]

13. "James, put the knife down."

Said to 1 1 /2 year old toddler at Poppy's house.

"The point of the matter is, I was trying to make a point!"

[Blue-Jay]

14. "Stop hitting your sister with the cat."

I overheard that while I was on a business-related call a few years ago.

It still makes me scratch my head.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

15. Stuffed cat, probably. I hope so. Yeah, that's it. Plush cat doll. (nt)

[kick-ass-bob]

16. Johnnie can't come over any more if she is going to stab you.

"Johnnie" is an imaginary friend.

:crazy:

[Bunny]

18. I said this to my daughter when she was about six years old:

"Stay close to me, I don't want to lose you. I'm just starting to like you."

Fortunately, even at that age, she 'got' my weird sense of humor.

[Z_I_Peevey]

19. Get your shoes out of the refrigerator.

I said this once. Yes, I really did.

[youthere]

20. "Get the chalk OFF of the dog"

Just today. The kids were playing with sidewalk chalk and figured out the dust on their hands makes cool designs on the dog.