Need Advice in a Case of the Lovesick Homo and The Uninterested

[SkipNewarkDE]

You know, it would all be so much easier if I could just NOT be polite to people.

So I am at this party, and I'm single and bored shitless and don't know anyone. It is one of these social group things in Chester County PA that does these brunch and dinner party things each month, that I got roped into going to against my better judgement. Get to the party, and the place is just chock full o' these dottering old queens with whom I really don't have much in common. I'm not what you'd call your well-groomed "delicate" gay dude. I'm usually pretty banged up from messing with the horses, or any number of outdoor activities that keep me a bit dirty and ragged. So I go to this mixer fully expecting to be bored outta my skull. Fortunately there was a pool, so I spent a lot of time swimming.

Anyway, the social director of this group, who is kind of like Julie (Your Cruise Director) from Love Boat, but without the cocaine, asked me about my interests, and said, "I have just the person for you." He drags over some guy who turns out used to be a big horse nut, and skis. Ok, I'm a horse nut, and I'm an expert snowboarder, so I am thinking, this could be interesting.

Ever taken an instant dislike to someone? Not dislike as in loathing, but just kinda get that "Eh, no" feeling? Well I did. Not sure why, didn't analyze it, but there's just no chemistry. It didn't help that the first words outta this person's mouth were, "You are so hot, gosh. We have so much in common, and I think we should date."

I was like, "Well, how about we shake hands and introduce ourselves first."

Anyway, maybe its the voice (whiny and nasally). Maybe its the desperation (left five messages on my cel phone in two hours the day after the party, tagging the last one urgent.) Maybe its the presumption (we have so much in common we are so alike, I think we should date). Maybe its the determination...(Can we go out Friday? Can we go out Saturday? Can I watch you at polo on Sunday?) Maybe its the inappropriate comments. (I just want to jump your bones in the hay loft).

I feel nothing but aversion. Now HOW in the hell do I politely tell someone who isn't getting the message that there ain't a snowballs chance of hell in my dating them? I mean I have tried the ole' "look, I am busy, my life is full, no time to date" line. I have not returned calls. This person ain't getting the message.

So what's the best blow off here? I'm too polite to be rude.

[yewberry]

1. Be honest.

I think the best answer is just that you don't think the chemistry's right. It's true, it's not unkind, and it'll probably send the message you want to send.

Good luck with this.

[kenny blankenship]

2. Tell him you just started seeing someone

Usually stops 'em cold. Or...it could be the beginning of his stalking phase.

[SkipNewarkDE]

5. Stalking phase has happened...

Couple of days ago I got the "I was in your neighborhood" call. I was like, "er, dude, I live like an hour from you" what are you doing IN my neighborhood. Just kinda creepy.

[arwalden]

13. Okay... Forget Being "Polite"... Be Forward.

"Tom, I'm really not interested. I hope you find what you're looking for, but PLEASE... (for the love of God!*) please do not call me again."

*optional.

Of course you'd use is real name if it's not already Tom. Using their name helps to grab their attention to what you're saying and "pins" it on him so that he knows you're talking DIRECTLY to him.

[arwalden]

11. That's The Perfect Passive Response... "I'm Dating Someone Else"

The perfect aggressive response is just to be brutally but politely honest. "I'm sorry Tom. I enjoyed chatting with you at the mixer, but I really don't want to date you."

Good luck!

[Mutley]

3. There comes a point when rudeness is the only solution.

If you gotta come out and say, "Look, I am not interested, leave me alone," then do it.

[6000eliot]

4. "I'm just not interested" is not rude.

Don't say anything about him. Just make it about the fact that you don't want to date. You don't owe a complete stranger a long explanation anyway.

[khashka]

6. Tell the truth

Just tell him "there is no chemistry here and it ain't ever gonna happen, sorry, but no hard feelings, right?"

If he continues, then feel free to get nasty.

Khash.

[JimmyJazz]

7. "No" is a complete sentence

sometimes it's all some people understand. :hi: Unfortunately, we're raised to be polite and not hurt people's feelings. However, it shouldn't come at the expense of our own comfort or even our own safety for that matter.

[XemaSab]

8. Freak freak freak freak!

Don't worry about being rude.

Just say "Look buddy, I'm just not interested. Deal with it."

You have a picture?

[Technowitch]

9. As others have said, just be honest

"Thanks, but I'm not interested. I wish you the best of luck. Take care, g'bye."

Be firm, be unambiguous, be clear. Don't say "my life is full" -- because he could take that as an invitation to be more persistent. Don't say, "I don't want a relationship right now" -- because he might just think he has to hang around a while (say a week or two), just waiting for when you change your mind.

And if still doesn't stop, come right out and say, "I want you to leave me alone. (Your 'social director's name) made a terrible mistake when he introduced us. Please make no further efforts to contact me."

I've had some experience with unwanted and overly ardent (and yes, creepy) suitors... Sometimes one really does need to be blatant about the rejection, even though it feels nasty to do it.

Good luck.

-TW

[mzteris]

10. have you asked

the "social director" what the deal is with this creep? Like - do you NEED to worry a bit here? Or just tell him to go away.

[LynneSin]

12. You're my neighbor - we'll go drinking

And I promise I won't fix you up with anyone if you promise the same for me

[no name no slogan]

14. ew. he sounds kinda icky

the "proper" thing to do would be to tell him, flat out, that you're not interested, of course.

however, if you're like me, you'll avoid him until he stops calling. but i'm pretty weak when it comes to that stuff.

still the best thing would be to be honest. hopefully he won't totally go nutso on you. this guy has some issues imho, and you should avoid him.

[Redstone]

15. Keep not returning the calls.

He'll give up eventually.

Also, you can probably block calls from specific numbers if you have a Caller ID package on your phone service. If you have it, use it.

Redstone