the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest winners are in!

[joneschick]

http://www2.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2005.htm

Winner: Detective
Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.

[immoderate]

1. I love these!

:bounce:

--IMM

[joneschick]

2. some of them are truly hysterical.

Grand Panjandrum's Special Award
India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before.

Ken Aclin
Shreveport, LA

omg! so much silliness, so little time.:silly:

[niyad]

3. these are wonderful--love the annual awards

[blondeatlast]

4. I love the Bulwer-Lytton.

I've considered entering several times, but never done so.

Next time, I SWEAR...

[skygazer]

5. My personal favorite

It was high noon in the jungles of South India when I began to recognize that if we didn't find water for our emus soon, it wouldn't be long before we would be traveling by foot; and with the guerilla warriors fast on our heals, I was starting to regret my decision to use poultry for transportation.

[1monster]

6. It takes real talent to be able to write that baaaadddly!

Dishonorable Mention
"Wet leaves stuck to the spinning wagon wheels like feathers to a freshly tarred heretic, reminding those who watched them of the endless movement of the leafy earth-or so they would have, if only those fifteenth-century onlookers had believed that the earth actually rotated, which they didn't, which is why it was heretical to say that it did-and which is the reason why the wagon held a freshly tarred heretic in the first place."
Alf Seegert
Salt Lake City, UT