I need some new jokes. Post your favorite...

[SKKY]

Here's one I like a lot:

What did the 2 Dead Heads say when they ran out of pot?

"This band sucks!"

[arwalden]

1. A man walks into a Burger King and orders a Whopper without any onions...

... the clerk behind the counter says "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of onions... you'll have to have your Whopper without something else."

(Bah-dum-bump!)

Thank you, thank you... I'll be here all week. Try the veal! Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

[Fly by night]

2. An Alabama state trooper pulls over a good ole boy in a pickup truck

... walks up to the window and says, "Sir, do you have any ID?"

To which the GOB replies: "Bout whut?"

[auntAgonist]

3. fish?

A fellow was stopped by a game warden in East Tennessee recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of bull! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

[auntAgonist]

4. 72 Virginians

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?