Relationship dating Q: How can you

[Kathleen04]

find out if a friend is interested in being anything more than a friend? Do you just flat out ask--would you ever think of me as being anything more than a friend? or is that too forward/putting them on the spot? Do you drop hints..look for hints?

Advice and anecdotes welcome. :)

[Floogeldy]

1. Oh, god. What is that horrid smell?

Is that GARLIC?

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kathleen04]

3. I knew that was coming!

I'm glad we got that out of the way first thing. :blush:

Now, come here. :*

;)

[Floogeldy]

4. Excuse me?

[leftofthedial]

2. flirt

hint, nudge

contrive conducive situations

[Kathleen04]

6. Well, this

weekend, we went on a trip to visit friends together and shared a hotel room..that's about as much of a contrived conducive situation as I can think of and yet it was platonic as all get-out.

[leftofthedial]

12. did you do any flirting?

we guys are dumb as rocks you know

[Kathleen04]

13. Nothing obvious

My flirting skills are probably not up to par. I giggle alot and that's my version of flirting. :crazy: And that's what's bothering me I guess, I'm thinking if he's the same way then maybe our relationship is at a stalemate simply because of that.

[leftofthedial]

14. conducive situation and then tell him howyou feel

or you could just rape him

[Kathleen04]

16. Cause *that* wouldn't

cause any awkwardness, right?? ;)

[WCGreen]

23. Yo mean you didn't jump on him and say

Take me I'm yours....

Cause we are dense....

We take hints about as good as Bush takes advice.....

[Kathleen04]

28. Well, I'm wondering

if he were interested wouldn't he throw out some hints of his own? Or maybe that's just not his personality?

It just feels weird that I should have to make an announcement before I receive any vibes, though expecting the guy to make the first move seems to be passe.

[WCGreen]

29. Hey, he may not even think about you that waty

until you tell him...

Look, I am 47 years old. Had a lot of lovers and a lot of friends...

Maybe if I would have spoken up a little more, I would have had a lot less loves and a lot more friends.....

Don't torture yourself...

Ask, if he says whoooooo. then just say you thought he was sending off vibes and you just wanted to make sure.... ; ) That'll work...

Trust me, we are all clueless when it comes to matters of the heart

[Kathleen04]

32. True, but who

doesn't want to be thought of in that way?

A portion of love is a bit of a selfish-ego boost isn't it? Or is that a completely wrong attitude to have?

I will have to pursue this before I become too cynical. :)

[WCGreen]

33. Just say look, I hae been getting this vibe from you that you

are interested in me as more than a friend..... If he looks at you as if you are form outspace back off and say maybe you were reading the signs wrong....

You have planted the seed..... Not all seeds grow.. But do something...

Don't sit at home at night and wonder why

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

5. Happened to me once.... I tossed her on the kitchen table and

we were there for about an hour or so, I guess it was not so subtle, come to think of it.

[Kathleen04]

7. What if

it hadn't worked out and you still "had" to be around each other..mutual group of friends and stuff. Potentially super-awkward, I admire your riskiness.

[Bucky]

20. Or worse yet, what if you had impaled her on the salt shaker?

Not just losing the love of your life, but also facing a potentially very awkward police inquiry.

[WCGreen]

24. What, did he fall on a knife...

An hour.....

Show off

[hfojvt]

8. It appears that you are female

If this friend is male, and not gay, and you are not extremely unattractive, there is a 99.44% chance that he is interested in more. Also, a previous history of dating a particular gender does not prove orientation.

[Kathleen04]

11. I like your odds

:thumbsup:

Yep, I am female, my friend is straight, and I'd like to think that I'm marginally attractive. :) Your equation doesn't take into account the competition though--I'm definately not his only female friend and probably not the most attractive.

[hfojvt]

15. somewhere I have a quote

that a man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him, even if she is not the most attractive. Of course, back when I was a college sophomore I did blow off this girl who expressed an interest :banghead: but we were not friends at the time, and she was coy about it rather than direct. That was about a hundred years ago and I was still seven years away from actually asking a woman out, so that was another issue. Even with an invitation I was not ready to jump off the high dive and risk a forty foot belly flop.

[Kathleen04]

18. I think that's probably true with women too--

just plants the idea of possibility in their brain..

[ugarte]

9. Have a trusted mutual friend talk to him in a casual setting...

...without it being obvious you sent the person.

[WCGreen]

26. Send her a note in class and hope it gets intercepted

by his friend.....

JUST ASK.....

Life is too short to fuck around....

Your relationship will survive.....

[usedtobesick]

10. ask but ask gently

I'm with my GF now because she asked me if there was a chance. Ask but make sure you can live with still being friends if they say no or they're not sure. Make sure they know up front you are ok if they don't feel the same way. Life it too short to miss the chance to be happy.

[Bucky]

17. Terrible advice! Do NOT take the direct approach

Get a friend, a MALE friend, to sound him out. The direct approach can make the friendship damn awkward and can undermine his trust in you if the he's not dating-relationship-inclined. I've had two different girls try the direct approach with me in the past and, try as we both did, the situation stayed very bolloxed up for a very long time. Things remain quite awkward with one of those women to this day.

[Kathleen04]

19. I do kind of like the idea of this approach

and then I even get nervous about how I would bring it up to the male friend to get him to ask the guy I'm interested in, because it would probably seem totally out of left field.

I am way too reserved.

[Bucky]

21. Perhaps. Then there's always the Cyrano complication...

What if the guy you get to ask the young hottie turns out to have a secret crush on you? But no risk = no gain. Love is a hunt, a game, a slow exquisite torment. Enjoy it while you're in it.

[Kathleen04]

25. True

the guy I'm thinking of is pretty safe to ask though. He's going through some relationship hurt right now after being dumped by a mutual girl-friend. Maybe I could strike some kind of relationship sounding-out deal with him...nah, that probably wouldn't be right and I sure as hell ain't doing this tomorrow anyways. ;)

[WCGreen]

22. Ask, or you shall decieve

[Lydia Leftcoast]

27. Try flirting first

If the guy ignores you or otherwise reacts negatively, the answer is "no."

If the flirting "catches," and he starts flirting back, then there's chemistry between you, although he may not know it. That's a start, though.

[Kathleen04]

30. Definately need to hone my flirting

technique..way too subtle. Though one of my friends who knows I'm interested in this guy figured it out on her own, so *something* has got to be coming across.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. Oh yes, an observant third party can usually tell

:-)