An Oregon joke

[Modem Butterfly]

A Tennesean, a Californian, and an Oregonian are at a bar. The Tennesean suddenly orders up a bottle of the most expensive Tennessee whiskey and pulls out a revolver. He says, "Gentlemen, this is the finest bottle produced by the state that produces the finest whiskey on this, or any other, continent, and we produce more of it too! Tennessee will never run out of whiskey!" and he throws the bottle in the air and shoots it with the revolver. Then, he takes his seat and places his gun on the bar in front of the Californian.

The Californian orders a bottle of the most expensive Chardonnay. He stands up with the bottle and the gun and says, "In California, we make wines that rival the greatest France or Italy ever produced. Give us a couple more decades and we'll surpass them! California will never run out of wine!" And with that, he tosses the bottle in the air and shoots it. He takes his seat again, and places the gun in front of the Oregonian.

The Oregonian takes a deep breath, orders up a bottle of the best microbrew in the house, picks up the revolver and shoots the Californian. Then he drinks his beer.

[Wetzelbill]

1. good one

[Ptah]

2. A Montana joke

Ya, know why you can't get a blowjob in California?















'Cause all the coksuckers have move up here.

[northzax]

3. you forgot the punchline

The Oregonian takes a deep breath, orders up a bottle of the best microbrew in the house, picks up the revolver and shoots the Californian. We've got plenty of them, and I can get a nickel for this bottle.

[Modem Butterfly]

4. I've never heard that part, but it works!

[northzax]

5. you know why it's always windy in Oregon?

because Idaho sucks.

[StuckinBFE]

6. LOL

Have to love a good Idaho joke, stupid Idaho.

[northzax]

7. so and Arizonan, a North Dakotan and an Oregonian

are having lunch. And the North Dakotan asks, "Arizona? isn't it really hot down there?" to which the Arizonan replies, "well yes, but it's a dry heat, so you don't really notice it. Isn't it really cold up there." The north dakotan says, "well yes, but it's a dry cold, so you don't really notice it." They both turn to the Oregonian and ask, "Oregon, huh? don't it rain a lot up there?"

wait for it...


"sure, but it's a dry rain, so you don't really notice it."

[Modem Butterfly]

8. What did the Oregonian say to the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

"Nice tan!"

[northzax]

9. please, everyone knows that Oregonians

don't tan, they rust.

I can do this all day long...

[Modem Butterfly]

10. ROFL!

:rofl:

Seen on a ladies room wall in Eugene, OR:

Rome

Paris

New York

Lodi

[northzax]

11. what does an oregonian call the day after two days of rain?

monday.

[Modem Butterfly]

14. What do you get after four years of smoking pot?

A degree from Reed!

[northzax]

12. A young woman from California...

...purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, she slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded "What took you so long?" and he replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."

alternate ending: "good thing you're from california, we don't log Oregon recreation areas."

[Modem Butterfly]

13. You know you're from Oregon when...

Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.

You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.

You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.

You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.

You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.

Most of your friends are from California.

You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.

You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly.

You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is).

You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.

If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown.

Every day is casual Friday.

Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix.

You think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, in snow or water.

Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.

Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

You return from a California vacation depressed because all the grass was dead.

Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years.

Have ever called your insurance agent to ask if your homeowner s policy covers falling trees, flooding, or mud slides

You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices.

You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill to prevent boating deaths.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them.

You replace your hiking boots with Birkenstock or Teva sandals when the weather gets above 60 degrees.

You believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Oregon.