Give me the year and day of the week in which you were born...

[Modem Butterfly]

...and I'll give you your horoscope for next Tuesday. If you give me the gender of your oldest pet, I can also give you the horoscope for Friday after next.

[cleofus1]

1. thursday

1958

[Modem Butterfly]

4. Next Tuesday will be a day of decisions

You will have many choices to make. A co-worker will annoy you. Emotional outbursts could prove embarassing. Try to make the best of a bad situation.

[LiberalEsto]

2. 1952

Friday

[Modem Butterfly]

5. Romance figures prominently

Expect to find Mr/Ms Right, or maybe just the opportunity to watch an adult film. Your mail will arrive on time.

[bushisanidiot]

3. Friday, 1966. Pet - male

:) thanks!

[Modem Butterfly]

10. With Neptune in retrograde, expect to find yourself thirsty

Drinking water is a good choice, drinking whiskey is better. You'll need it because a parent/guardian/sibling/friend/coworker/neighbor/near stranger will come out of the closet in a big way.

Friday will be a good day to wear pants and shoes. Be sure to wear matching socks if the spirit moves you.

[kikiek]

6. Wednesday..if that's the full of woe one..1959 and our female is our

oldest now

[meegbear]

7. 1965 - Thursday - pet: Male

[Modem Butterfly]

11. Travel figures prominently next Tuesday

Expect to ride in a motorized vehicle of some sort.

Friday will find you anxious to begin your weekend.

[meegbear]

21. Thanks, I can breathe easier knowing this ...

and knowing is half the battle.

[nickinSTL]

8. 1972 - Friday

no pets

[Modem Butterfly]

13. You'll find true love and happiness next Tuesday...

...if you head down to your local animal shelter and adopt a cat or dog!

[nickinSTL]

22. well...that wasn't much of a stretch!

considering how much I want to get a cat!

can't afford it right now, though :(

[MissMillie]

9. Thursday

1964

Oldest pet is a female

[Modem Butterfly]

14. Be sure to wear sunscreen

At some point, you will be exposed to the sunlight!

[quisp]

12. 1964

Monday

[Modem Butterfly]

15. A spirit of quiet contemplation will be yours on Tuesday

Following the theft of your stereo.

[Misunderestimator]

16. Saturday 1623

:D

[Modem Butterfly]

18. Whatever you do next Tuesday...

...make sure that portrait of you in the attic remains protected!

[Misunderestimator]

20. Exactly, good advice...

;)

[no name no slogan]

17. saturday, 1969 -- male

[Modem Butterfly]

19. Attention to politics will cause stress next Tuesday

The White House will do something to embarass you as an American and we will incur casualties in Iraq.

Just stay in bed until it's over. Don't even answer the phone, and for cod's sake, avoid C-Span.

[Dastard Stepchild]

23. Sunday 1975

Male kitty.

[Modem Butterfly]

24. Tuesday will be a day of nourishment

You will definitely eat something on Tuesday.

On Friday, some like it hot. You may or may not be one of them, depending on how much time you spend outdoors.

[Dastard Stepchild]

26. It all makes sense now....

Everything in my life was leading up to the point where I ate something on Tuesday.

:7

[Modem Butterfly]

31. That's what astrology is all about!

[johnnie]

25. Saturday

1964

[Modem Butterfly]

32. On Tuesday you will learn some vital information

On Tuesday you will learn some vital information that will go down in the history books. Be sure to check the front page of your newspaper that day.

[edbermac]

27. Monday

1956

[Modem Butterfly]

33. Be sure to carry your umbrella on Tuesday

If it rains, you're going to get wet.

[Divameow77]

28. Tuesday

1977 - female

[Modem Butterfly]

36. Tuesday will be an auspicious day to bathe

Be sure to brush your teeth as well.

[LynneSin]

29. 1966-Saturday-Female

:D

[Modem Butterfly]

37. You'll begin a new endeavor on Tuesday

Tuesday you will begin something. The stars are unclear as to what. It might be a new job, it might be your car, it could be a new box of cereal. But you will definitely start somethig on Tuesday.

Friday you'll have difficulty focusing.

[RedCloud]

30. Tuesday 2090

For some reason I first appeared as an ancient and with these Tibetan monk exercises, I keep getting younger.

[Modem Butterfly]

38. Unfortunately, by 2090 we won't be able to actually see the stars anymore

Damn Bush energy policy.

[Lumily]

34. Monday -1969 - female

[Modem Butterfly]

39. You will face three big healthcare decisions on Tuesday

What's for breakfast, what's for lunch and what's for dinner. Choose wisely, your health depends on it!

As for next Friday, you will find yourself inexplicably drawn to the Lounge.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

35. 1962, Monday, male

[Modem Butterfly]

40. Oooh, bad news dude. Your Mars is in retrograde

This means you will face challenges all next week. If I were you I'd just call in sick on Tuesday and Friday.