Update on my friend.

[Maddy McCall]

It appears to have been an OD, but we don't know for sure yet.

The wake has been moved to tonight, tentatively, and the funeral to tomorrow.

When my dad had cancer, her husband spend many days sitting with my dad, visiting on the front porch, just talking, each baring his soul to the other.

But the husband won't even answer the phone when my father calls. However, my dad has talked to other family members, and it's looking like an OD, accidental or otherwise.

Thanks DUers for all of the support you've given me. I'm kind of speechless, or too weary to put my feelings in words.

:grouphug:

EDIT TO ADD: My DU friends, I am fine. I am touched by this, but the greatest impact will be on the children. Please say your prayers and send your good thoughts up for them. They are the ones about whom I am worried right now. Until I see them or hear from them, I am most worried about them. Children of such a tragic death have a difficult time ever overcoming the horrific emotions that accompany it. Please say your prayers and send your thoughts for them.

[Shell Beau]

So sorry! Such a tragedy!

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

4. Thanks, Shell.

:hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. Maddy....

:cry:

The only thing I can offer is my tears and my heart. MrG and I have found lots of helpful resources here:

http://www.1000deaths.com/

It gets better...but never goes away.

Yours, Laura

[Maddy McCall]

2. Thanks, MrsG.

I will bookmark that thread. Today, I'm trying to stay busy and to clean the house. Keep my mind busy on other things.

:loveya:

[Misunderestimator]

3. ...

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

7. Thanks, MisU.

All of these good thoughts and prayers for this family--if it's possible for me to funnel them to the family, that's what I'm doing.

I know they will appreciate all of the good sentiments coming from DU, even though they might never know about them.

:hug:

[bigwillq]

5. So sorry, Maddy.

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

8. Thanks, will.

:hug:

[progmom]

6. Oh Maddy - I am so sorry.

:hug:

Losing a friend to suicide is a very painful experience.

You have my sympathy.

[Maddy McCall]

I just hope all DUers will send good thoughts, prayers, vibes...

to the children in this family. They are the ones about whom I am most concerned. They've had enough misery in their lives to last a lifetime...now this.

:hug:

[Wapsie B]

9. I am so sorry Maddy.

My deepest sympathies to you.

[Maddy McCall]

12. Thanks BWA.

Think of these children, that they will find peace. Being a child of such a tragic situation is horrific. :cry:

[Wapsie B]

19. They'll need lots of support and counseling

to get through this. If there were a memorial for her I'd want it to go towards therapy services for those in situations like this.

[Maddy McCall]

25. I feel the same way.

Haven't heard anything about a memorial yet, though. Nothing at all was in the paper. :(

[LynzM]

10. Love and hugs to you,

And to your friend's family :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

13. Yes, it is them who needs the thoughts and prayers.

It's so sad for them. :(

:hug:

[GOPisEvil]

11. Sigh...

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

14. You don't have to say a word...

I know you're a good friend. :hug:

[GOPisEvil]

16. There are no words to say, really.

Just...:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

18. If that's a big Texas Bear Hug...

all the better. :hug:

[GOPisEvil]

21. But of course!

:hug:

[no name no slogan]

15. I'm so sorry Maddy

i'm a suicide survivor (twice), and it is certainly a tragedy for everybody involved. one thing that keeps me from trying again is the fact that it has such a devastating effect on those who are left behind.

you and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers. please take care of yourself, too, because you deserve it. :pals:

[Maddy McCall]

17. My heart goes out to you.

I'm sending healing thoughts your way. I know what it's like to live behind a protective emotional wall.

:hug: :pals:

[smbolisnch]

20. I'm sorry Maddy.

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

23. Thank you.

:hug:

[jonnyblitz]

22. I don't know the detaills of your story but that doesn't matter.

I wish you and yours the best and hope you all get through this ok. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

24. Thank you, Johnny.

:hug:

She was my friend. She was a good person, but she and her husband had their share of difficulties, financial and otherwise. Doesn't change the fact that she was a generous, loving person. I'll miss her.

:hug:

[AverageJoe]

26. I am so sorry

Please take good care of yourself. Grief, as you know, can come in fits and starts. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Maddy McCall]

29. I appreciate it, Joe.

I'm going to be fine. :hug:

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. Maddy, I am so sorry about your friend.

Be strong. Cry when you feel the need. It helps. I know.

Comfort her family when they let you get close to them again. Right now, they are reeling from the pain of their loss.

[Maddy McCall]

30. Yes...

I'm staying back until they need me.

My dad, though, is going to force his way in. The husband was a great friend to my dad when he had cancer, when he didn't want to even get out of bed. Her husband would come by the house and take dad out on the porch and just sit and talk all day. Dad said that of all his visitors, this man had the most profound impact on him.

I don't blame my dad for going to their house. I'm going to stay back until they need me to come cook, clean, or do other maintenance stuff that they may not feel like doing.

:hug:

[SarahB]

28. I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend.

Prayers and as much peace as possible to all her family and friends. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

31. Thank you so much, SB.

That means so much. :hug: :pals:

[WCGreen]

32. Maddy, I hope you know how I feel......

peace be with you and the famly of your friends...

I have already said enough in previous posts.

[Maddy McCall]

34. I do, friend.

I have learned so much about you, your kind heart, through this tragedy. Your words mean so much to me. :hug:

[motely36]

33. Maddy, my prayers are with you

and the family of your friend. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

36. Thank you, motely.

:hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

35. Oh Maddy

So sorry to hear this. You are right, we need to think about the children. I can't even imagine. . .

[Maddy McCall]

39. These kids are at the pivotal age in their lives...

where they will make decisions that will determine the rest of their lives.

Either late adolescent or early adult. I've seen what suicide did to a loved one of mine, when his father committed suicide when his son was 16. He never had a chance for happiness in his life, and it seems that every decision he has ever made has been a form of self-punishment. I've held him in my arms, as an adult man, and watched him cry like a two-year-old, years after his father's death. Words can't describe the sorrow in my heart for people who have been through this.

I am praying that the children get the help they need.

[XemaSab]

37. Wow.... I'm so sorry

Such a sad way to go.

:hug:

[Maddy McCall]

40. I'm saying prayers for you, too.

:hug: I hope all is well with you.

[XemaSab]

43. I'm OK

I talked to a few friends last night, and everyone's really upset about it. I thought about it a lot last night, and I feel sad, but I also feel a little angry that he would be so thoughtless. I don't get how someone so talented with such a bright future could throw it all away like that.

It'll take some getting used to... We weren't very close, but I keep remembering things about him like him suggesting Indian recipes or books, or talking to him about his trips to different places, or going out looking for owls together. So sad. Such a waste.

[Texasgal]

38. Maddy... My thoughts

and prayers are with you.

I understand this is a difficult time, please know that there are many of us who do care, and who are praying. I know.... since I am one of them.

Regards,

TG

[Maddy McCall]

41. So sweet of you, Texasgal.

My DU friends are priceless. :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

42. How old are the children, Maddy?

I was eleven.

[Maddy McCall]

45. Oh, god, Bertha.

Oh god. :( I can't imagine the trauma you went through. My son is 11 now...I've decided to quit smoking on Monday, because I want to do everything I can to keep myself around for as long as I can for him.

I can't imagine how you suffered--and probably still suffer. Just can't imagine. :hug:

The youngest is 17. The oldest is 24. There's one son in between that I had not mentioned before. I'm guessing that he's about 21 now.

[bertha katzenengel]

47. I'm totally okay now. Life was rough for a long time but I'm okay now

so don't worry.

I am very glad to hear the kids are older. Not that that's much better, but I think maybe it's a little better.

I only suffer now because I'm co-dependent. My sisters swear they're totally fine but I see stuff that tells me otherwise. (I was the only one who sought help.)

[Maddy McCall]

48. My ex-husband's father committed suicide when my ex was 16.

He never recuperated. I don't think he ever will. He didn't seek help; instead, the burden that he bore because of his father's tragic death has become the burden of everyone who loves him. I didn't mind allowing him to cry in my arms, but when the anger surged over and I paid the price, I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Bertha, I am glad you found love. It's so difficult for so many people, who never emotionally recuperate from sucn a tragic loss.

:loveya: :hug:

[bertha katzenengel]

51. It is hard for us to find love, us survivors of such hard things.

And I'm a little worried; I think Mrs. V. is suffering now because of my PTSD (albeit in unrelated matters). But I'm still getting help; I see a psychiatrist and found a new therapist here in DC.

I'm sorry your ex-husband's pain was too much for your relationship to bear. :hug:

You know, there is one thing surrounding my mother's death that I still haven't been able to forgive. After the funeral, some adult - I have no idea who it was, family or friend of my mother's, or even someone who worked at the funeral home - handed me a small ceramic vase in the shape of a book and said "keep this in mind, honey, it'll help you out." On it was printed the serenity prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I'm sure that prayer has helped many souls. But who what kind of idiot thinks it will offer any comfort to an eleven year old girl whose mother has gone and left her with a worse situation than before? :mad:

I'll never understand it.

:shrug:

Anyway thank you for your kind thoughts. I'll keep those kids in mind, believe me.

[flamingyouth]

44. I didn't see this thread earlier.

My heart goes out to you, your friend's family and all of her friends. Just heartbreaking. :hug:

[Maddy McCall]

46. Thank you so much.

Your words, now and in the past, are so touching. :hug:

[merh]

49. Saying prayers for the children Maddy.

Saying prayers for her husband and for you, that you can find the way to help and know how to best handle things. :hug:

I am here if you need me, whenever you might need to talk. :hug:

:loveya:

[Maddy McCall]

50. Thank you so much, merh.

:hug:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

52. You have my sincere, profound and heartfelt thoughts, prayers

and condolences :loveya: :hug:. I'll keep the family and the children of your friend in my prayers and thoughts. I'm so, so, very sorry for your loss :hug: