What would you do?

[linazelle]

A "friend" of many years and I were on the phone last week when the call was interrupted by my mom who needed to go to the emergency room. I told my friend I had to go and why.

I live two hours from my mom. Said friend lives ten minutes away and is a nurse.

I had to call all over Chicago to get an ambulance and find someone to meet my mom in the ER where she was given morphine for severe pain and hospitalized for two days.

I haven't heard from my "friend" who I've known since high school, since.

As for our relationship, we usually talk about world events and politics. She's the only friend of mine who's interested in this stuff. We were on the phone watching '04 election returns for about five hours.

I treat people the way I want to be treated and expect the same in return. So I am taking into acccount the fact that she's sending her son off to college in two weeks and going on vacation outside of the US next week. Maybe she's preoccupied.

Still, I know that if I was talking to anybody who told me they had to go because their mother was seriously ill, I'd follow up and find out what happened ASAP.

What would you do?

[expatriot]

1. i'm sorry

she definitely should have followed up... sometimes people can be so unintentionally hurtful with their self-absorbed priorities and attentions. It's a flaw that affects a lot of us. I, personally, can be a terrible friend to friends I don't really deserve to have. Not because I have ever done anything evil but instead with my "neglect" of communication. So while I obviously see the fault in your friend's obvious neglect and the hurt that it has rightfully caused you, I do empathize with her and can tell you that as much of a slight as it was to you, she did not intend it to be so and I am sure she values your friendship very much and if she realized how much hurt she caused you she would be on the phone right now begging for forgiveness.

[KitchenWitch]

2. I would cut her some slack

She does have a lot going on...let some time pass and reconnect when she gets back from overseas.

[Skittles]

3. nope

not so much going on she can't make a phone call. I would call her; I'm betting she will tell you what is going on.

[Kenneth ken]

4. Since she's a nurse

maybe she is giving you space to deal with your mother's problem without interferring, or expecting that if something related to your mother's health has come up, you might be calling her for advice/information.

I don't mean to sound sexist, but is this a woman thing? My best friend and I have been friends almost our whole lives; we call each other when we have something to talk about, and if some times months go by where we don't talk, neither of us worries that we might be offending or offended. We have never had an issue of, 'gee is he being inconsiderate? or am I?'

She's your friend. Call her and don't worry about whether she should have called you or not.

[friesianrider]

5. I don't mean to sound rude, but...

Why would a nurse give "space" to deal with her mother's problem? I mean, she hasn't even called to see what exactly the problem is - that's just plain rude and selfish, IMHO. It sounds like this "friend" is just very absorbed in her own life right now. I'd call her and just politely say that you were a little hurt that she didn't follow-up with you, and see what she says.

That being said ken, I think you're *absolutely* right that at least partly a "woman" thing to get offended at things most men wouldn't think twice about! lol :)

[linazelle]

9. Under normal circumstances, I would call her

or anyone else, whenever I had something to talk about. But I don't think these are normal circumstances and I don't think it's asking too much to expect more consideration now.

[Rhiannon12866]

6. I could be totally misjudging your friend,

But if anyone I knew, let alone a close friend, described such an emergency to me, I'd immediately offer any help I could possibly give. And I sure know that my friends would react exactly the same way. And I'd certainly follow up on it and I know that they would. I don't know what's going on with your friend, but I'd feel very let down if this happened to me. However, I think that you owe it to yourself to find out exactly why she behaved as she did before making a judgment. But without a serious excuse, I'd never feel the same about my friend. Call me unforgiving, but that's what I feel friendship is about, to be there for someone when they really need you...:shrug:

[linazelle]

8. I agree with you, I don't think I will ever feel the same

I may call and see what she says--even express my feelings about her not calling. I'm leaning towards not maintaining the friendship though.

[seaglass]

7. Call her. A good friend of mine and I have recently reconnected

and we have promised to each other that we are not going to take offense about things such as unreturned phone calls. We both have busy lives and our friendship is worth more than holding grudges. It works really well for us.

I'm not saying that you don't have a right to be upset that your friend didn't follow up with you. All I'm saying is that you learned something about this person and you can accept the friendship on those terms or not.