Tell a funny story about yourself or a friend.....

[Wetzelbill]

Ok, I have these friends that I used to rodeo with, we all used to party and get pretty wild, etc. Well, in Montana you can't really rodeo many places in the winter because it's too cold so many people go down to Arizona and compete at that time.

So, two of my friends were drunk after a rodeo outside of Winslow, Arizona, hanging out with one of their friends from AZ, when a cop tried to pull them over. The driver just kept driving, they didn't really notice or were too drunk to notice for several miles. Well, they finally pulled over and the cops drug one friend and the other guy out. Meanwhile, my other friend was passed out in the back of the guy's vehicle and the other two forgot to tell the police. So, when the passed out friend began to stir, the cops jumped and were "WTF? Who is that?" Then they pulled him out of the vehicle too. Ok, you have to know this guy, he's a drunken beast, a complete wild man. But, he's standing there, about to get cuffed, hammered, dazed out of it as the police are asking him questions.

All of a sudden he goes "Where are we?" One of the cops answers: "You're in Winslow, Arizona."

So my friend starts to sing: "Well, I’m a standing on a corner
In Winslow, Arizona, and such a fine sight to see.....".

The cops -whether they were The Eagles fans or not - were not amused.

So go ahead and tell a story.

[fudge stripe cookays]

1. My dad....

bless his heart, had a very dry sense of humor.

At 12, I'd been reading too many of my mom's bodice-ripper romance novels.

One day, I walked up to him, thrust out my (still non-existent) chest, and said, "Dad, am I voluptuous?"

He looked over at me over the top of his paper, thought a second, then said,

"You need to get some volups first."

They've been volups in our house ever since.
FSC

[Wetzelbill]

2. lol that's great.... nt

[Sugar Smack]

5. OMG!! That is too cute!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[fudge stripe cookays]

12. Sweetie! You're back!

How you feeling?

FSC,
Inquiring minds want to know!

[Sugar Smack]

3. My best friend's legs caused a riot in a sushi bar.

She has great legs, I'll admit it. The best I've ever known of in fact or fiction. She was wearing a black miniskirt and these sexy shoes. We'd been drinking sake and were on our way outside for a smoke.

The tables were low to the ground and people sat on pillows. As we passed a table with a dozen drunken Japanese businessmen, all hell broke loose. I don't understand Japanese, but the uproar, the men pointing at her legs and shouting and grinning- that was unmistakable, and my friend was totally oblivious to it. She was just giggling because I was poking her.

Other tables heard the commotion and started shouting in Japanese as well. One man at the nearest table upset a tray of sushi. Another slapped himself in the face. Another knocked sake all over his friend.

She didn't have a clue! I told her about it while we were smoking, and she didn't believe it was her. Her husband saw the whole thing and loved it.

[Wetzelbill]

7. Sorry, I started a riot halfway through this...

:)

[Rainbowreflect]

4. When I was in high school a friend & I took stats at the

Jr varsity basketball games. When our team went to state we got to sit at the table with the announcers.
We got there early to set our stuff up & watch the guys warm up.
We were talking quietly when I said to my friend "check out #17, he has a really cute ass".
Well #17 turns bright red & his teammates start laughing.
I look down & there is a microphone about 2 inches in front of me that is turned on. The whole auditorium heard what I said.
It is funny now, but at the time I wanted to die.

[Wetzelbill]

6. oh lord! I don't even need to say anything else nt

[johnnie]

8. Lol, that's funny

It reminds me of a "microphone" story. Although it was me and not a friend who did this. I was at a friend's wedding (so I guess this counts as a friend story) and they had a DJ. They were passing around a wireless microphone to people who had things to say between songs. Somehow I got the microphone and headed to the bathroom and held it in the bowl and kept flushing the toilet. From what I hear, it took the DJ a bit of time until he realized what all the sound was that was mixing into the tunes he was playing.
I guess you had to be there.

[bertha katzenengel]

9. my sister had a piñata for my nephew's fourth birthday party

The kids beat the crap out of it forever, and finally my sister said "screw it" -- because the thing wouldn't break open -- and she tore it open with her hands.

Nothing came out. The kids were confused. My sister was confused.

Our stepmother wasn't confused. She said, "You have to put the candy in it yourself..."

[toey]

10. one time in high school

my flighty friend's blinker light on her car went out. we sent her into a gas station to get "blinker fluid" she came back out and told us she couldn't find it, we sent her back in to ask the cashier because "of course they have it." she went back in and asked for it. duh.

[fudge stripe cookays]

11. Was your friend...

Jessica Simpson by any chance? :rofl:

FSC

[enigmatic]

13. Well..

there's one about my best friend and I going to a local cemetery after midnight and trying to find the grave of a legendary local musician that had died many years previously, then getting both eaten alive by an enormous swarm of mosquitoes from a pond there that literally chased us out of the cemetery into a Denny's next door, where they refused to serve us and actually threw us out because we had so many bites on our face that we both looked like we had an terminal extreme case of measles...

I'll fill it in later tonight..

[HEyHEY]

14. My buddy Mike

He's notoriosly clumsy.

We were at a party and out of nowhere, Mike starts building a tower of nailpolish bottles on a coffee table...SITTING on a hard wood floor.

Of course the inevitable happened and he just ran off the way a cat does. His Girlfriend came in with a rolled eyes, clean the mess and said, "He's NOT my boyfriend when he does stuff like this."

[no name no slogan]

15. almost got arrested when i lived in London (long but funny)

my boss at the pub i worked at took the four of us on the cellar crew to the Great British Beer Festival. The festival was located way across the other side of London from where we lived, so we took the Underground to get there.

first, a little background about the cellar crew: all Americans, median age: 21, male, fairly nerdy, not really big partiers in college. IOW, little tollerance for booze.

so the boss takes us to the festival, we get completely rat-arsed, and end up trying to find our way home across London at pub close (11 pm). We first got a hired car driver who CLAIMED to have lived in London 21 years, but barely spoke English. He took us 20 miles in the opposite direction of our home, and only dumped us when one of my mates upchucked all over his back seat.

so we got tossed from the hire car outside a tube station-- way the hell on the NE part of town, and we lived way out SW. The Underground stopped running around midnight back then, so me and one other guy caught the last train into town. We left the other two puking their guts out into the gutter, as they were unable to stand, much less walk, by then.

We made it as far as Earls Court, which was about two miles from our home. unfortunately, we all had to whiz like mad from all the beer, and all the public restrooms in the station were already shut.

so we went out of the station and tried to use the loos in a variety of shops. NONE OF THEM would let us in, as they were closing. finally, myself and one of the other guys went behind a couple of phone boxes (back when they had the old-fashioned red ones) and started whizzing.

just then, a cop car pulls up a few yards away, and we hear a voice calling, "EXCUSE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING"?

"Uh, making a phone call?" my mate answers, as the pool of urine grows ever larger and flows toward the gutter.

"THERE ARE BETTER PLACES TO BE DOING THAT" the copper yelled back. needless to say, we finished and zipped. we turned back and saw the door to the cop car open up. needless to say, we ran like hell for a a while, down a dark street.

eventually we worked our way toward the main road and caught another hire car home. i don't remember how much we paid to get home, but i remember not having any of the £50 i had taken from the bank the previous day-- and my boss had paid for most of the rounds that night.

[DS1]

16. In about 4 to 6 hours I'm going to be on the toilet crying, and wishing

I'd followed dinner with icecream.

I just ate -the- hottest curry I've ever made :scared:

:hurts:

[nytemare]

17. Awwwww! Here ya go!

[Wetzelbill]

18. more stories... Kick

[Ptah]

22. Ok, here's one of mine:

After four years in the USAF (1970-1974) I felt like I needed a
job that would allow me that would help restore my sense of self worth.
I moved to Ann Arbor MI because my older brother lived there and I wanted
a climate change. The first job I got was as a hand on a pig farm.
I grew up on my fahter's ranch on the prairie, so I had experience with
cattle, chickens, wheat, hay and all that. We had neighbors that had about 100 hogs
and we were often overwhelmed by the odor from their place, about 1/2 mile to the east.
When my parents were newly married, among the animals they had were some hogs,
as well as cattle, chickens and horses. My father caught some disease from the hogs
and never kept live pork again. He used to tell a story that involved one of the momma
hogs biting through a 2x4 when protecting her young. I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth
or pulling or our legs.
So, back to Ann Arbor, working on a hog farm that had abot 200 hogs.
In the early part of the spring when the snow had been gone a couple of weeks and green
was starting to be the dominant color, of course many little piglets were being born, often
in a pasture rather that in the barn. There was a litter of 6 or 7 about 50 yards to the west
of the barn, being cared for by their 350 pound sow. My job that morning my job was to move
the litter into a pen in the barn where they would have a much better chance of survival.
It went well until I picked up three of the piglets. Their squeals roused their mother
and the race was on. I made a dash for the fence and hurdled it with very little lead on momma.
My boss, the farmer was nearly rolling on the ground from my entertaining performance. Since
that day, I believe my father.

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

19. You know, I knew where you were going with this and I still ROFLMFAO

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

20. Longish story but I think it is funny

I have, over my life, had quite a few major surgeries. I was in the pre-op area for one of them, just waiting for the anesthesiologist to come talk to me and start administering the anesthesia, when one of the anesthesiologists comes walking by, looking at the foot of each bed (where the charts are) to find a patient. He came to my bed and I mumbled (I guess loud enough for him to hear) that I did not have a toe-tag yet. He was not the anesthesiologist assigned to me, so I kind of forgot about my snarky comment, and went on with my life.

About two weeks later, I ended up having to have a cortisone shot in my back, which is generally delivered by an anesthesiologist. Sure enough, Dr. Toe-Tag was on duty that day, and ended up being the one to do my back. He remembered me and we had a great laugh about it.

[Wetzelbill]

21. ha!

what luck running into the same guy again!

[KitchenWitch]

23. It was rather bizarre

considering that anesthesiologists and ER doctors tend to do "shift work" and really have no set schedule.

[Kire]

24. When I was little, my Dad played a joke on my Grandmother.

He told her there was a snake in her car. I didn't really get it until they told me it was a joke.

Later that week, my other Grandmother called on the phone and asked if I knew any jokes.

I told her, "Snake in your car."

[maveric]

25. Installing light fixtures in the hangar bay of the USS Ranger.

My partner and I had this kid, a rookie in the shipyard biz. We told him that we had to hang a fixture right under this fighter jet in the hangar bay and we couldnt get at it because the jet was in the way. My buddy and I sent him up to the Air-Boss's office to ask him for the keys to the jet so we could move it.
Now the Air-Boss on an aircraft carrier is usually one of the biggest assholes on the ship. Well this kid walked up to the 09 level of the superstructure, to the Air-Boss's office and asked him for the keys. Ahhh, those jets dont have keys and if they did they would give them to some shipyard contractors. 10 minutes later this kid comes back down, red-faced and fists clenched. Apparently the Air-Boss ripped him out a new one, almost making the poor kid cry.
We were assholes and the kid hated us for that.