Questions for DUers whose long relationship ended

[Doctor_J]

be it from divorce, death, separation, etc.

How long before you resumed a social life (dating, attempting to date)?
How long before you resumed a sex life?
Did you have to make a big effort to get back out there, was it pretty easy, or did single friends drop hints to you?
Why did it take as long as it did to resume a life? Was the divorce traumatic and require an overall regrouping? Did you just enjoy the solitude for awhile?

[leftofthedial]

1. I'll be interested in responses to this thread

I'm divorcing after 27 years of marriage.

[Doctor_J]

2. Sorry to hear that LotD

best of luck with the new arrangements. If you don't mind spilling to me, PM me with some of the background - similar happenings close to me.

[JohnnyBoots]

3. At least te Blackhawks signed the "Bulin wall" today

[Doctor_J]

5. Yes, they did

I still don't know how they're going to put the puck in the net though.

[JohnnyBoots]

6. Your problem, not mine we just signed Forsberg and D. Hatcher

I am ecstatic. Should have traded to bring JR back before he went to LA.

[Doctor_J]

8. You'll be OK without JR

more sizzle than steak there, anyway. I think the hardest thing for him the last year was not having TV cameras around.

Hopefully a change of sweater will bring back the old Foppa. He was the most exciting player in the league when he was healthy and inspired. His battles with Zhamnov were always highlight-film stuff.

Hatcher is way past gone. Good move letting Amonte go though.

[SarahB]

4. OK...

Divorce after 13 years of marriage. Keep in mind I had not been in love with him for years by the time we actually got divorced. I had processed a lot and really, really wanted out of the marriage.

How long before you resumed a social life (dating, attempting to date)?
As soon as we filed.

How long before you resumed a sex life?
Errr... I'm not answering this one because sometimes I wonder if he reads this site. Suffice it to say, I never cheated on him, but was more than ready to sow a few oats as soon as I felt it was morally ok to do so. I'm glad for a couple experiences because I ended up in a serious relationship sooner than I expected.

Did you have to make a big effort to get back out there, was it pretty easy, or did single friends drop hints to you?
No big effort at all. As I said though, I was very ready for the divorce when it happened. My grief over the loss of what I wanted in my ex-husband took place 1-5 years before the divorce even happened. Largely, it was a matter for me of logistics in being able to split.


Why did it take as long as it did to resume a life?
It didn't. I was very sure and very ready to end the marriage. The divorce itself was less climatic for me. Not at all tragic.

Was the divorce traumatic and require an overall regrouping?
The reasons for the divorce were traumatic, but I grieved it long before the divorce.

Did you just enjoy the solitude for awhile?
I still enjoy solitude. I'd like to live by myself for about a year before I'd considered living with anyone. A bit longer for marriage. I want to be very sure the next time around.

[achtung_circus]

7. Ok, I was with a woman for 21 years,

married for 17, I left not quite 2 years ago.

How long before you resumed a social life (dating, attempting to date)?
A few months, I could have availed myself of the "girl pool" at the other end of my office, but didn't.

How long before you resumed a sex life?
Involving another person? About 10 months. See girl pool above, and friends of my brother who were getting divorced/separated and quite blatantly needed some relief offered, but that's not for me.

Did you have to make a big effort to get back out there, was it pretty easy, or did single friends drop hints to you?
I kind of fell into something. We began seeing each other 8 months after I left, I moved in at Christmas. I'm not sure how long it will last, I have no expectations.

Why did it take as long as it did to resume a life?
I needed to grieve, regain perspective.

Was the divorce traumatic and require an overall regrouping?
Trauma, yes. We've only recently finalized the separation agreement. I'm only getting moderately financially raped.

Did you just enjoy the solitude for awhile?
I still do. I needed to come to terms with being "alone". It wasn't the end of the world.