"There's no more BOOB & LUBE"

[Elidor]

One-stop BOOB & LUBE: Pizza/Lube Adult Entertainment and Laundromat

I’d forgotten all about this until the story hit the local papers, and it’s a fucking riot. About a year ago, this guy, this hillbilly redneck idiot, takes out a series of ads with our paper for his – I shit you not – One Stop Pizzeria, Express Lube and Laundromat. This is a shack out in the middle of nowhere on a two-lane highway between two of the sleepiest little backwoods towns in Tennessee, Baxter and Gainesboro. I wish to god I still had a graphic of his ad. It was simply indescribable: in addition to the pizzeria and oil and lube, there was a tanning salon (ONLY $29.95 per month!) and full service laundromat. But our entrepreneur was just getting started...

Shortly after his ads ran, we got word that he had opened a strip-club – first the “One Stop Gentleman's Club and Sports Bar” and later the “Costa Rican Beach Club” - on the premises. To put this into some sort of context, you have to realize that there are only about a thousand households in all of Baxter. People around there expect to see deer and wild turkey, not wayward titty-bars popping up in the woods like crack-ho’s from some dank corner of Nashville.

The main act consists of his Brazilian wife, fresh from her stint as cashier at the Pizzeria and Oil Change place (for all I know, she changes the oil, too), now swinging her titty-tassels for the occasional traumatized soul who wanders in looking for an oil change or to do his laundry.

The story in today’s news is a comic gold mine:

Because he opened the club at nearly the same time that the county adopted the Adult/Oriented Establishment Registration Act, Flatt said it was legal because no adult entertainment codes were actually in place when he opened, while the county said that the Adult Registration Act was in place before Flatt opened the Costa Rican Beach Club and it fell under the authority of the Act.

The county took Flatt to court for a decision on the matter.

"This is killing my business because the girls have to wear bikinis," he said. "There's more skin shown on HBO than in my place."

In March he told the Herald-Citizen that he was going to close the businesses and hold a public auction in April.

But today Flatt said that no one showed up at the auction and he decided to reopen the One Stop Market and the new Club 56. He closed the One-Stop Lube shop.

"There's no more boob and lube," he said. "I did hate that name but that's what everybody called it."

He says now that he has plans for expanding Club 56 to include a dance floor.

"People can come there to have music, food and fun. If they want to eat and dance they can, if they decide they'd like to watch the girls they can just walk to the show."

Full story at the Cookeville Herald-Citizen:
http://tinyurl.com/c5ur8

[NoSheep]

1. some folks just don't git it. n/t

[XemaSab]

2. am I stereotyping southerners

when I say that a hallmark of the south is the one-stop business, even if it's two (or 3 or 4) totally disparate things?

like fireworks and ribs?

or (God help us) South of the Border?

[NoSheep]

4. no. real is real. you are not to blame. there's a reason for it. marx does

a very good job of explaining why people need to eat and that is what motivates them. the bizarre often results.

[XemaSab]

6. oh, and i don't mean it

in a negative way... I think southern ingenuity is an amazing thing.

:D

[Elidor]

8. Hey, southern ingenuity won the Civil War for us

Oh, wait...no, my bad. We lost. Damn!

[XemaSab]

11. LOL!!!!!!

Righton.

:)

[Elidor]

5. Not at all

But this sounds too much like "Madame Lee's Finest Kind Curbside Service Whorehouse, Hospital and Restaurant" from the original M*A*S*H* novel by Richard Hooker.

[In_The_Wind]

9. let me think about that question

while I add to my OJ cause us Southerners like it that way ... y'all will just have to excuse me if I'm multi-tasking & having fun while I'm doing it = Southerners like to have lots of FUN.

[Droopy]

3. My grandparents used to live in Algood, TN near Cookeville

[Elidor]

7. Oh, man, there's some good pulled pork in Algood!

Right next to the new Wally-world Box Store. I wish I wasn't allergic to BBQ these days. I'm in Cookeville myself. It's a cool town. I love it here, republicans and all. (Actually, the local dem party is strong in local elections. It's those national ones where we turn blue.)

[underpants]

10. The business model is all over the place

wayward titty-bars

[Baclava]

13. yeppers

Strip Club Owner Raises Ire With New Sign

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- For years, Howard White has advertised his strip club near Los Angeles International Airport with a not too subtle marquee reading "Live Nude Nude Nudes." But some tourists and nearby businesses say White has gone too far with his latest pitch for the Century Lounge: a freshly posted sign proclaiming "Vaginas R' Us."

White, who posted the new sign Tuesday, says he's simply advertising his business.

"In a sort of a naive way, I felt that there was nothing terrible about it since the 'Vagina Monologues' was on Broadway forever," White said. "I didn't feel there was anything terrible about it."

[Elidor]

14. OMG, how perfect!

I should write all this down and put it aside for a future novel.

[Kipling]

12. Gotta love that spirit of enterprise.

[Montauk6]

15. Sound like something you'd see on a video box followed by "Vol. 6"

[Elidor]

16. LOL

I was thinking about this more last night, and if I was a sexist capitalist fiend, I'd see a pretty good business plan based on Boob & Lube, kinda like those topless coffee shops in Florida: naked babes changing your oil while you watch! It'd be grand.

Alas, I'm just crude enough. Some republican will read this and get rich with my idea. :cry: