My life is complete...The Metrosexual Tarot

[Cathyclysmic]

http://www.thomasscoville.com/metrosexual/



“'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' collides with The Occult.”

[sundog]

1. bwhahahaha

:rofl:

the five of shoes :rofl:

Mr. Metrosexual strides the district with supreme confidence, completely put-together and coordinated with just a dash of sass. Call him a dandy, call him superficial, hell -- call him the G-word. He doesn't care; he's having a good time. Maybe he's everyone he's ever loved, but at least somebody loves him.

Meaning: Confidence, coordination.

Reversed: Tunnel-vision, self-absorption.


the gay pal:

The gay pal is the straight guy's personal magician, casting the spell of fabulosity over what would otherwise be a beige, unimaginative, upscale het-guy existence. Funny how the years change us. In high school he was mercilessly taunted and flogged for his delicate, sissy nature. Now his sensibilities and aesthetic choices are a precious resource. Gay men have always been the advance guard of metrosexuality -- just another marginalized underclass who took it on the chin so that white, het guys could benefit from the lifestyle innovations. Hmm... History repeats itself? Anyway, every metrosexual needs a gay pal and his queer eye.

Meaning: Skill, vision, hard work, inspiration.

Reversed: Betrayal, duplicity, loss of direction.

:rofl:

[Cathyclysmic]

2. The seven of shoes is good

Seven of Shoes

Fashionable from the ground up: the metro is a major shoe queen. No Birkenstocks, Nikes or Rockports, no sir. Bruno Magli, Kenneth Cole, Pliner, Rush, Sutherland... maybe Doc Martens for a walk in the park. Spotless Pumas for a sporty, casual brunch. Gym shoes stay at the gym. Period.

Meaning: Sound foundations.

Reversed: Obsessive collecting. Pinching and blistering.

[sundog]

3. the page of potions

Page of Potions

One of the most differentiating characteristics of the Metro is his ability to keep it clean -- or pay somebody else to do so, at the very least. If not exactly a neat-nick, he understands the importance of keeping his fabulous, highly-manicured urban existence free of lint, mold, dust, and visible smudging. He searches far and wide for a cleaning service that will take on his windows and oven.

Meaning: Sanity, a position above criticism.

Reversed: Disrepair, besmirchment.

this is the funniest fucking thing i've seen in eons :P

[stellanoir]

4. wow

this is almost as good as the baseball tarot, or my dear friend's "demon deck" that has the advice in the booklet for the Fool card, "the only thing that exceeds your stupidity is your inability to recognize it," and my Roman flea market deck that is totally off the wall but incredibly accurate.

Thanks bookmarking.

[Cathyclysmic]

15. There truly is a tarot deck for everyone now

[sundog]

5. the two of clubs

very, very bad



Tragedy. Disaster. Faux pas. You've spilled your cocktail, and there's nothing to do but cry. You put on a brave face, gingerly blot your Kenneth Cole slacks and glumly wait for the waitress to return.

Meaning: Embarrassment, inconvenience, a petty loss.

Reversed: Petulance, incompetence, uncomfortable coincidence.

[sundog]

6. knight of forks

The Siren Call of Cholesterol. An intrepid Metro pilots his spiffy roadster through the fast-food wastelands outside city limits. Calorie-dense burgers leap at him from the shadows like high-carb succubi, hell-bent on ending his diet. Put on the speed, mister, or kiss your washboards goodbye.

Meaning: Temptation, culinary hazard.

Reversed: Temporary loss of direction, compromise.

[Cathyclysmic]

9. ooooh, sounds like he needs "The Personal Trainer"

The Personal Trainer

Three words, dude: "Ag. On. Y." The workout is pure hell, and he's the devil incarnate. He punishes you for your sins, namely, anything you really enjoy: dining, drinking, TiVo. He doesn't relent, and he doesn't forget; every rep and crunch is recorded on the clipboard, a tablet of atonement. No excuses, no mercy, no carbs. Thank you sir, may I have another?

Meaning: Compensation, hard work, arrival.

Reversed: Punishment, revenge, hubris, sports-related injury.

[sundog]

10. lmfao

:rofl:



Five of Forks

The hazards of entertaining at home: Menacingly miffed metro regards dinner guests sharply as he prepares to carve tea-smoked duck. What was it that put him in such a dark mood? Someone's careless critique of his decor? Neoconservative politics? Catty comments about his favorite R&B Diva? Perhaps a guest has disparaged his pug. In any case, we'll never know.

Meaning: Anger, revenge.

Reversed: Confusion, unwitting offense.

[Cathyclysmic]

12. hmm, tea -smoked duck boy needs......

Prescriptions

The Age of Aquarius has given way to the Era of SSRI's. Just as you accessorize your wardrobe, you can accessorize your inner life. Suffering is so unfashionable, yes? Anxiety, depression, poor concentration -- just minor style problems, a prescription away from a Whole New You. Oh, and forget willpower; got an itch for a Gauloise? Zyban. Urge for a Crème Brûlée? Phentermine. Over, around, or below-the-counter, gazing at your navel or howling at the moon, there's a rainbow of pharmacological flavors to help you make the most of any mood.

Meaning: Night, insight, excitement, the demi-monde.

Reversed: Confusion, forgetfulness, missed appointments.

Say good-bye to the dark clouds, duck boy!

[sundog]

14. the ultimate in interior decoration: therapy

Self-awareness is a compelling style accessory. In his never-ending quest to refine, tweak, update, and generally improve his quality of life, the metrosexual often explores the ultimate in interior decoration: therapy. Here is another inherited artifact of gay life: connection to the emotional Self -- sometimes obsessively so. While non-metrosexuals are more results-oriented, the metrosexual is more of a Process Queen. In the metrosexual weltanschauung, status is a more inward-directed concept; how one judges himself is as important as others' judgment of him. Put another way, how you get there is as important as where you end up.

Meaning: Reflection, self-examination, hidden knowledge.

Reversed: Obsession, disquiet, mental disarray.

[khashka]

7. Two of potions

I feel sick:


Two of Potions

The proper shave is the first position of metrosexual grooming. Don't fear the razor. Instead, embrace your morning ritual as a primal expression of self-devotion. Besides, the danger of the blade bestows inarguable license to stare into the mirror for minutes on end. Use short strokes and rinse the blade often.

Meaning: Reflection, renewal.

Reversed: Danger, superficial injury, ingrown hair.

It's just wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm gonna have to do my In Praise of Hairy Men thread.

Khash.

[sundog]

8. hmmm

im with ya... In Praise of Hairy Men :evilgrin:

[khashka]

11. You, me, xmas... we'll form a coalition

No! A Revolutionary Action Party!

The only hope I have left in this sad world is that as straight men start shaving their chests, gay men are stopping. Thank the Goddess!.

Khash.

[sundog]

13. yeah, let the straight guys shave em

it can be like code :P