Have a problem? Let me give you advice which won't help.

[AngryAmish]

Either the advice will have nothing to do with your problem OR it would probably make your problems worse.

[Rising Phoenix]

1. I apparently can't count

[AngryAmish]

2. This is easily solved.

For example, you do not need to balance your checkbook. As long as you have checks you have money in your checking account. Problem solved!

[Rising Phoenix]

3. Wow, I'm rich, thanks

[hickman1937]

4. I was out of coffee for two days.

I bought some last night. In attempt to bring my system back into balance I drank 2 pots this morning and now my entire body is vibrating. What now?

[AngryAmish]

It seems that you need some sort of stimulant

The lack of coffee has caused you to become resistant to caffeine. Your body is trying to humm you to sleep, like a massage chair. Try taking three or four No-Doz. Or some mini-thins.

[lildreamer316]

5. Can't sleep

[AngryAmish]

6. Don't hook with a hooker.

[lildreamer316]

8. Ok. Thanks.

nice visual....

[Ron Mexico]

7. Can't get the unattainable office girl out of my mind.

Not a chance in hell because she's a newlywed, but I can't go ten mimutes without thinking some really impure thoughts about her. Distract me.

[AngryAmish]

9. Easy. Become gay.

Go find a homosexual. They seem interested in "turning" straight people gay. As them how to become gay.

[KitchenWitch]

13. I have heard they are giving toaster ovens to new converts

:silly:

Me? I am holding out for the big screen TV.

[no name no slogan]

15. are you my ex-wife?

she "turned" two guys before she met me. she was engaged to one of 'em, and he came out three months before the wedding.

i bet she was working on me, because she really likes toaster ovens. how many do you have to "turn" to get the TV? :silly:

[KitchenWitch]

21. Nope, not your ex wife!

Only married once (and still married) :rofl:

[Texasgal]

10. I just ate a large fry

from Mcdonalds... I fear I wil get sick. What to do?

[AngryAmish]

11. Eat the rest

They will fight each other and leave you alone.

[leftofthedial]

12. I need a job

bad

[AngryAmish]

14. Find a business owner

Walk up to him and say "I need a job. Bad."


Then punch that motherfucker in the head.

[leftofthedial]

22. can I do it without talking to him first?

that motherfucker

[Liberalynn]

16. It hasn't rained in days

the garden is dying, the hose won't reach, and I don't feel like lugging water cause it is too dang hot. I'm tempted to just let the garden croak but I spent money on the plants and it seems like such a waste.

What should I do?

[AngryAmish]

17. You need a layer of protection to hold the water in

cover the garden with a large tarp, some clear plastic sheeting or a few feet of soil.

[Nikia]

18. I am leading my eating disorder support group tonight

It is made up mostly of anorexics and bulimics. What should I talk about? (Please don't be too offensive.)

[AngryAmish]

19. Recipes?

(too offensive???)

[Nikia]

20. I'm not offended

I think that some of them might be though if that's what I talked about.

[BlueIris]

23. I can't get over the pain of a bad relationship.

Members of this web community are helping, my new therapist is...sort of helping, my desire to beat the crap out of my ex is...not helping.

[BlueIris]

24. Aren't you going to give me crappy advice?

It's okay if you're flippant--the ultra-serious approach isn't really working at the moment.

[BlueIris]

25. I'm not special enough for crappy advice, is that it?

Come on. All the other people got advice.

[AngryAmish]

26. I sleep.

I go out. I have to work away from the computer.

Anyway, the way to get over the pain of a bad relationship is to make repeated drunked phone calls in the middle of the night to your ex.

If he/she will not pick up the phone, start calling their relatives.

Next step is to sit outside of their work all the time.