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It was lost. It's a long story, but by not knowing my aunt and I were going to be evicted until the last minute is why I lost it all. And having a family member try to do a mercy killing on me that caused a massive head wound not bad enough to hospitalize me but bad enough to make me bleed all over the house and hurt like a sob made it incredibly hard to think and function enough to get all my precious music collection.
It put things in perspective for me too.
Let's just say that the sound effect they use in movies when someone is hit in the head with a hammer is nothing like the real thing. What I heard and felt that day was entirely different that Hollywood's version. It's never a one blow and they fall to the floor and die instantly type thing. And that shaking they show sometimes when the person has a head wound doesn't automatically die, doesn't always knock the person completely unaware. Sometimes you have to fight to get the hammer and the backup hammer away while you are reeling from the first blow and bleeding all over the place. My blood was cold by the time it ran down to my shoulders and down my back. I still have the shirt I was wearing that day and the hammer hidden in the trunk of the car as a reminder. I'll never forget it.
I loved my dogs and my cats in addition to my music. They were all special in some psychological or physical way, like one of my dogs had separation anxiety when he was separated from me. I had no one who could take him and let me come see him. I had to have him put to sleep. He was too violent and destructive when I wasn't near him. I was the ONLY person in the world that could calm him down. My older dog was so old (16 year old Yorkie) that no one would know all the things he needed to function. He was geriactric. He needed special help to get around and in order to eat had to be handfed and only trusted me to do it.
Actually talking about this with you has helped me realize something odd. All my animals have always had medical or psychological problems that it seems only I can deal with. Most people wouldn't have my animals. I now have a cat with asthma, a cat with inflammed bowel disease, and a cat with separation anxiety. No one would do the things for them that it would take to keep them stable and healthy and happy.
And believe it or not, it bothers me more that I couldn't find a way to save my dogs and my cats, than it does that I lost most of my music collection. They depended on me and no one else would have put up with the fact that they needed so much care. That will never quit bothering me. I feel like I failed THEM. I couldn't think for the life of me during that time. I still have trouble with my memory. I have to write down when it is time for medications for my cats that I have now. I have to write everything down now, or I'll forget.
And yes, I can see why you are having a hard time with the thefts. It's insulting and despicable that someone would steal someone's music. A person's music collection is precious to them especially. It's personal.
What music of mine that I was able to save, helped me a lot to get through the trauma and the shock and the pain I was in at that time in my life. I am still using it to get me through college now. It's a personal thing that many people in my town don't know I am going through. They just think, wow, she's smart. They don't know that I was smarter before all this happened. I could have made straight A's in high school easily, but wasted it. They don't know that making straight A's in college right now for me is super hard and takes extra effort just to be able to do it. They don't know what happened and they think I'm nuts to try to make straight A's in college as long as possible. They just think for an ordinary person with what they think ordinary experiences in life it's nuts to try to make straight A's. They just know to expect me to understand the class material before the other students get it. They expect a lot from me and have no clue that I got smacked in the head with a hammer bad enough I had to be checked by a doctor and had to lie to him about what happened because my mother took over and hid the crime to punish my aunt privately. I live in a strange world, but I intend to make straight A's in college and write a book someday if possible. I want to be a writer but I'm taking computer engineering so I can support myself while I try to make friends with the right teachers and eventually bring it up that I'd like to write books.
Thanks for letting me talk about it. I know it's hard to read and hard to hear, but it helps to have people I can talk to who understand music and how it can be a stabalizing influence in a person's weird world. I know I love music to this day although I can't play guitar any more, I can still listen and get relief from bad memories. That helps a lot. Coming to DU helps more than anyone on here realizes because I live in a red state and people here in my hometown aren't quite right in the head to me, odd as that sounds. :D
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