Who can cheer me up?

[Rising Phoenix]

[koopie57]

1. count your blessings

[Rising Phoenix]

2. good advice

[ghostsofgiants]

3. A pirate walks into a bar...

The bartender looks at him and notices that the pirate has the steering wheel of a ship down the front of his pants. "Doesn't that thing bother you?" the bartender asks.
The pirate nods, "yarr, it be drivin' me nuts!"

/got nothin'

[Rising Phoenix]

4. thanks for trying

[nytemare]

5. Here is a funny spoof.

http://newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=8368

[Reciprocity]

6. Punny Puns

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this Taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady "
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says: "Dam!".

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Have you heard about the midget psychic bank robber? Headline read Small medium at large.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what?
A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

[Rising Phoenix]

8. thanks guys

[Maddy McCall]

7. Where's your hubby? Tell him to come to the computer and see this.

His reaction should cheer you right up. :evilgrin: :hi:

[Rising Phoenix]

11. that was funny

[Reciprocity]

9. one more

A Florida woman discovered the image of Jesus - on a crisp. Rosalie Lawson was about to bite into the sour cream and onion potato chip as she watched TV when she suddenly spotted the image.
For more
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1423248.html


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[Rising Phoenix]

10. the chip looks more like Rob Zombie...

if you ask me

[BikeWriter]

12. Jesus Christ!