My coworker actually said

[Trigger Hippie]

that, in all seriousness, when she has a date over for dinner at her apartment, she gets take out food and pretends she cooks it, even going so far as to boil some water with spices to make her apartment smell like she just finished cooking. (She can't cook at all.) She does this because "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Now, this woman is 25, an attorney, and a very smart person. I can't believe she does this. How ridiculous. Just tell the guy you can't cook and it's take out. Any guy who would not date you because of that is not worth dating at all. Right?

:eyes:

:puke:

[ET Awful]

1. Well, considering that I'm a better cook than 90% of the women

I've ever dated, I'd have to agree with you :)

BUT, I feel that it's fair that if I cook, someone else should wash and put away the dishes . . . so as long as she's not opposed to that, we're cool :)

[GOPisEvil]

2. If you can't cook, own up to it. Maybe the guy CAN, and you can

cook together.

:think:

[ewagner]

3. The problem here

for her at least, is that some day there will be a reconciling of the lie.

I can't understand this, if she's a lawyer, she should be thinking far enough ahead to know that the lie is unsustainable....not to mention unethical.

[progmom]

5. exactly what i was thinking

:hi:

[WCGreen]

77. She can't have a lawyer all that long..

But it sounds like a Goldie Hawn movie or something...

You know, where the guy falls for the girl cause she makes delicious authentic Italian and it just so happens that his favorite great Aunt Sophie is in town from Florence and would just love to come over to switch recipes but Goldie hasn't a clue about how to boil Pasta let alone prepare a genuine Florentine dinner....

So she concocts this story to delay and wouldn't you know, Sophie is so impressed be her nephews good fortune to fall in love with a nice Italian Girl, she must come over and watch her cook...

Well, now Goldie is frantic, running all over Chicago, taking ten cooking classes a day and just when she is about to give up, she runs into Aunt Sophie who is in town to give cooking lessons at the very community center that Goldie has turned to as her last chance to really learn to cook....

Aunt Sophie finds out the stick and a happy ending ensues with knowing glances and a revelation on Aunt Sophie's part that she didn't know how to good Italian either when she met Great Uncle, bless his heart, Luigi and that she had to learn quick.....

Ahhhhhha.....

[WildClarySage]

4. What if he's the kind of guy who dislikes dishonesty and dumps her

not because she can't cook but because she wasn't up front about it?

[Trigger Hippie]

10. Yeah,

exactly. It seems like a pretty stupid lie to get dumped over.

[NewJeffCT]

6. I always thought the way to a man's heart

was an area beneath the stomach... but, I guess I'm naive.

It's too bad this woman thinks she has to impress a guy this way. What happens to her when he finds out the truth?

[Redstone]

8. Yep, that's why lazy people like me tend not to lie...

when you tell the truth, you never have to work to remember what you lied about, and to whom you told which lie.

So you can relax and go on with the important business of forgetting things.

Redstone

[Bill McBlueState]

68. hah! me too.

It's not so much that lying is unethical, it's just too damned hard.

[China_cat]

42. Actually the way to a man's heart

is through the sternum and a bit to the left.

[NewJeffCT]

45. lol - that works, too

I think that evil priest of Kali did that in "Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom" - not quite as subtle that way, though men often appreciate direct women.

[billyskank]

73. Except that every version of that film I've seen

has always had that scene cut so much it no longer makes any sense. :(

[benburch]

7. I married a woman who cannot cook...

...in the kitchen!

[WildClarySage]

76. You married her in the kitchen?

[Bridget Burke]

9. So why can't she just make a salad & grill a steak?

That would please more men than complex cuisine. Unless they're vegetarians--in which case food prep is usually taken more seriously.

Or she should be honest & take him out for dinner--sounds like she could afford a good restaurant. What if the relationship lasted beyond a week? She'd be found out.

[The Backlash Cometh]

11. Well, there's a little secret about lawyers:

Most everything they do is by template. All they really have to determine is the actual cause of action, then they find the correct legal forms to fill out.

Since it's all based on precedent, their research is all about finding out what others have researched before them.

So why not take credit for someone else's cooking?

[StopTheMorans]

17. are you sure you're on the right website?

[The Backlash Cometh]

18. Yep. I call it the way I see it.

If you think lawyers are 100% correct all the time, then you need to take the rose-colored glasses off. Lawyers can be saints & saviours, but there are also a good number of profiteers & sinners. And if you defend them in absolutes, then you'll be absolutely wrong.

Legal reform requires microscopic surgery, not blunt triage. I can side with the Dems that the legal reforms, the way the Republicans have proposed it, is wrong. But I agree with the public that legal reform is needed. For one thing, we can make incredible inroads in fighting corruption in this country if we can make lawyers affordable to people for civil litigation. You'd be surprised how much white collar crime goes unchecked in the local areas. People know things about their crooked, elite neighbors, but don't have the money to do anything about it. So, the system you see at the Bush level, is something that some of us have to live with everyday, simply because the legal system is too expensive to resort to.

And don't kid yourselves, some of these crooked, elite neighbors, are lawyers themselves.

[StopTheMorans]

19. i would have agreed had you qualified your statement like that in the

first place, but you didn't. lawyers are like everyone other profession: some are good, some are bad, some are mediocre. i just get sick of seeing them scapegoated for all kinds of inane bullshit that goes on in the US...

[The Backlash Cometh]

28. Well, I can't get away from the feeling that if we had well-paid

lawyers to watch over the public good, and they were true public servants, we wouldn't be in the mess we find ourselves in today.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

20. With all due repsect

I work at a law firm and that is pretty much how it operates.

With very few exceptions, all of my cases are tracked and controlled by a computer program that spits out the appropriate forms when needed/requested.

[Trigger Hippie]

27. Yep, there's a

template for everything here too. :eyes:

[BiggJawn]

23. So does she use a "stand-in" for the "Spongeworthy" ones....

...because she doesn't know how to do THAT, either?

Guys aren't that dumb. I KNOW Moo-Shoo Pork is NOT in most people's kitchen repertoire....

[Trigger Hippie]

25. I would hope this guy isn't that dumb.

You never know though. Maybe he just wants to believe. :evilgrin:

[The Backlash Cometh]

31. Now you know why practicing law without a license is a crime.

Only a real dumb paralegal would overreach with a homocide case.

[Hugin]

12. She should find a guy who likes to cook for her!

There are many men out there who really like cooking.

[LaurenG]

13. My dad actually had to teach my mom to cook

Maybe your friend really bought in to the "roles" of women and men. Poor thing, what a thing to do to herself.:shrug:

[Trigger Hippie]

14. I'm so glad I never bought into

those gender role stereotypes. :scared:

[Coventina]

15. This is dumb on so many levels

Not the least of which is that usually commercially prepared food is just DIFFERENT, even if you put it on dinner plates, it's just not the same as homemade.

Plus, if she never cooks, she probably doesn't have the equipment to fake it. Boiling water with spices doesn't substitute for the dirty pots, pans, knives, cutting boards, measuring cups and spoons, etc. that result from preparing a meal, especially a "special" one.

[kick-ass-bob]

16. Is it just me, or can't you tell if something is takeout?

Can't other people tell when something was cooked in a professional kitchen versus a home one?

[edbermac]

21. "Honey I just cooked you a Big Mac and fries"

That's a definite red flag for me...

[zbdent]

22. Ask her how she would feel if she found out that he was lying about

something she likes about him . . . like the "fact" that he's only dating her . . .

[tanyev]

24. What does she do when a guy who knows how to cook

starts to ask her about the recipe, ingredients, technique, etc.?

[Trigger Hippie]

26. Starts smooching him?

:evilgrin:

:rofl:

[tanyev]

29. "Let me show you my technique, baby"

Yeah, most men would quickly forget about the food if they heard that.

:+

[Trigger Hippie]

33. hahahaha

:rofl:

[LeftyMom]

30. How do people get to adulthood without learning to cook?

Do they plan on never eating? Eating out all the time isn't a practical solution, both because it costs a fortune and it will fatten you up something fierce, so maybe she needs to crack some cookbooks and start learning (cookbooks for kids are good for beginners, they usually explain basic techniques and such) or take a class.

The first time I had to make a meal to really impress a guy I spent an hour on the phone with my mother tne night before taking notes. :) Somebody out there can help her so she doesn't need to lie anymore.

[Trigger Hippie]

32. I can't cook at all.

:(

Every time I do I burn myself horribly. Last time, I burnt all the tips of my fingers on one hand. Now, I've developed a stove/oven phobia. I live on TV dinners, sandwiches and stuff like that. It's not practical for me to cook as a single woman. I haven't figured out how to do the portions yet so I won't get sick of leftovers and nothing will spoil. People have tried to help me, but they end up getting burned too. I think I'm cursed. :)

[Xithras]

44. LOL! Tried potholders?

Seriously, how do you burn yourself?

[Trigger Hippie]

47. OK, you'll all think I'm the biggest idiot ever.

But I got suckered into buying that pancake contraption as seen on TV. Since both sides get hot, I accidentally brushed my fingers on one side and burnt all my fingertips on that hand. It made it very hard to type at work that's for sure! :silly:

:)

[Rich Hunt]

34. yeesh

Why are so many women still brainwashed like this!

I can't believe how many women think they'll never get a man unless they do A, B, or C. They change their entire personalities just so they can land a man! But then what do they do when they have no personality of their own?

[Trigger Hippie]

37. Fake a personality and hope he never finds out

until she's got him at the altar. :puke:

[eyepaddle]

35. As a guy who loves to cook (and no, I don't mind washing dishes either)

I've gotta say I'm impressed with her creativity if nothing else! And her willingness to take the charade to the next level--very Costanza like.

Also images of Seymour Skinner trying to pass off Krusty Burgers as steamed clams, err, steamed hams go dancing merrily through my head!

[Trigger Hippie]

39. Yeah, I thought

she went a bit overboard with the ruse myself. I couldn't do it. One, it's stupid; two, it's wrong; and three, I'm a terrible liar so I would get caught in two seconds. :)

[eyepaddle]

41. Awwww, c'mon--the comedic potential is GOLDEN!

Pretty uneccasary I'd think, but funny nonetheless!

Now that I think about it (not that I've had that many relationships) I'd say I've been the better cook two or three to one. The one time was really more of a tie--just different styles. She really loved bitter salads and chinese restaurant type eating implements. Now that I don't date her I NEVER use chopsticks! :D

[gollygee]

36. It was a boyfriend who taught me how to cook

I can't imagine lying about that, especially as if the relationship continues for long he WILL find out.

[Cathyclysmic]

38. I invited Mr Beastman over for dinner for our second date

I ordered pizza..he said he knew then he was going to marry me.

[Trigger Hippie]

40. That's awesome!

:thumbsup:

I hope my next boyfriend is that cool! :)

[Cathyclysmic]

71. Mr Beastman is a great cook...

I'm not too shabby either when I feel like it.

[Xithras]

43. I don't agree with either of you.

Any guy who would not date you because of that is not worth dating at all. Right?

Wrong. Before I married, I broke up with several women because they couldn't cook and had no interest in learning. Cooking is both an art and an essential skill IMO, and I had no interest in dating people who's opinion of a quiet dinner at home required takeout. I'm a talented cook myself, and it was a requirement that my mate be as well. There's nothing wrong with that.

But what your co-worker is doing is both dishonest and dumb. If she's trying to get "into his heart", she must be interested in something more serious than a casual fling. Surely she doesn't expect to keep up the charade forever, so how does she think he'll react when he finds out she's been lying? If she'll go through so much effort to cover up such a trivial thing, what else is she covering up and how far would she go to do it? The whole situation would inject so much suspicion into the relationship that it would be effectively over at that point. How could you trust them again?

[Trigger Hippie]

46. Yeah, I agree with you about my coworker.

But speaking for myself, I do want to learn to cook. If I can get over my nervousness about learning. (Fire is scary! :silly:) I just think a guy shouldn't expect every woman to know how to cook since she was 10 and dump her because she doesn't know. My mom didn't cook and my dad wasn't around to teach me. So I never learned. But if it's a requirement with you and your relationships, that's fine too. People do have different expectations for potential mates, and I understand that. I just don't happen to agree with this expectation. :hi:

:)

[MrScorpio]

48. If she really believes the way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Well that's one thing. For some guys, it could be true. It was for me.

I consider myself a nice guy, and for nice guys that would be a good thing. It the guy is an asshole, she'd have a serious problem.

But the real problem here is that she's living a lie.

What that hell is she going to do if she ever catches one?

I see a big problem here, is so many ways.

[Taverner]

49. A lot of guys find it sexy when a woman can't cook

That means she looks for other ways to a man's heart :evilgrin:

[Trigger Hippie]

51. Hahaha

There's hope for me yet. :evilgrin:

:rofl:

[skygazer]

50. People can be such idiots

And they do it all the time, with a lot of different things - pretending to be something they're not so the person they're dating will "like" them. And then what's going to happen? Are you going to marry them and have to pretend for the rest of your life to be something you're not? How utterly absurd.

I'm the exact opposite - I'm dead honest. On my first date with my SO, I told him outright that I don't really like to cook, I'm not the world's best housekeeper and I'll never get married again.

That was 4 1/2 years ago. :)

[eyepaddle]

52. If she's boiling water with spices in--she's making soup!

I can't believe I had to eat soup for lunch to realize that! It's watery soup that'll leave you hungry but it's soup nonethelss. If the spices smell good, they'll probabaly taste good. Tell her to throw in egg noodles, baby carrots (you get those in a bag cleaned and ready to go) maybe some frozen mixed vegetables (again, zero preparation required) and something like chicken (any parts really--she could even go with the cut up stir fry stuff if she TOTALLY does not want to bust out a knife and chop things herself). She can already boil the water, by her own admission, so just boil it with more stuff in it.

If it boils over the pan--turn the little knob a bit to the left. Voila, home-made, made-from-scratch soup! It really is that easy. I'm sure she can find a good bakery for some high quality distinctive bread.

Seriously, tell her she CAN cook, she just doesn't know it yet. Have her do that by herself first--then she can try it out for her guy. If she is taking the trouble to fake cooking doing this once or twice will be no big deal. Later she can try throwing in other stuff--like rice (any kind) or tofu and start mixing up the spices and see what happens. Once she does this a couple of times and gets some confidence who knows where she'll stop? She might even realize cooking is fun--even if you're only cooking yourself dinner.

PM me if you want more ideas.

[Dora]

59. dupe

dupe

[Dora]

60. People just don't trust themselves enough.

She's cooking and doesn't know it.

You may have already visited us, but if not, you might enjoy visitng the Cooking and Baking Group. It's full of dangerous people who are into things like knives, ovens, and stand mixers.

[eyepaddle]

61. I have visited, it has been awhile though

At the moment I am in grad school and my living arrangement does not let me cook all that often. I was torturing myself reading those threads and not being able to do ANY of it.

When I visit friends sometimes we get to go for it (most of them were cooks in past jobs as well) Just recently we had an impromptu steak, grilled corn on the cob fresh (form the garden) raspberries with ice cream, whipped cream and shortcake feast. It was drunken speculation turned into a feast at the drop of a hat. I'm still proud of moments like that.

One time in college we roasted duck and had lobster tails at 2:00 am! Nothing like skipping classes to sleep off a feast. :D

I will pop in to the cooking and baking group a little more often from now on--thanks for the invite! :)

[Trigger Hippie]

62. Oh,

I didn't know there was a cooking Group. I'll have to drop in. Maybe I can lose my cooking phobia. :hi:

And you're right, as for me, I don't trust myself enough to cook either. I'm also always terrified I'll undercook something and make myself sick. :crazy:

[eyepaddle]

64. That's why you should start with soup

all that water won't let it dry out, so simmer it for (almost) as long as you want. Just turn the heat down so it doesn't boil-over or scorch the pan. That way you KNOW it isn't underdone--but it won't be shoe leather either. B-)

[Dora]

66. Somebody's been messing with your mind.

The likelihood of you poisoning yourself is very slim, as long as you follow rules of basic sanitation and food storage.

I've never gotten sick off of my own food, unless it was leftovers that were left over a little too long.

Go ahead, cook something!

[Trigger Hippie]

69. Hahaha. I think I'm messing with my own mind.

But you're helping me to get some courage about cooking. I'll see you in the Cooking Group...:)

:bounce:

:toast:

[WeRQ4U]

53. It'll be quite the shock when they get married....

And he finds out that she actually couldn't hard boil an egg and that he'll be spending all his money on take out food for the next 30 years.

[Dora]

54. Isn't Home Ec offered in junior high any more?

Sheesh. That's where they teach you how to make cream of tomato soup, brownies, popcorn balls, and cinnamon swirl bread. It's a complete menu, for chrissake.

Cooking is a dying art. If you cook and have children or know children, TEACH THEM HOW TO COOK, PLEASE. Buy them cookbooks for kids. Show them how to read a recipe. Explain that boiling water is hot, and that microwaves aren't just for popcorn anymore. We don't have to be sous chefs in our own home. But it's empowering to know that the dinner on your table was brought by your own hands, and not General Mills.

And for people here who THINK they can't cook. All it takes is practice. The more I cook, the better I cook.

Please cook for yourself and for others: share the love.

[eyepaddle]

56. Testify!

See my post no. 52!

I love to cook. :hi:

[Bridget Burke]

65. My schedule didn't allow for Home Ec.

But my Mom taught me how to scramble eggs long before Junior High. "Betty Crocker's Cookbook for Girls & Boys" was fun & it's back in print.

I made biscuits with my Grandmother standing over me. Don't know if I could replicate them--but my cornbread is pretty good.

[Finder]

55. A funny story to tell their grandchildren some day.lol

Just another seduction game in the quest for a mate.lol I think most men would feel flattered a woman went to that length rather than be offended by it.

[ernstbass]

57. I knew a woman who did that too

But she baked an onion in the oven to give her home that "home baked" aroma - placed all the food in her dishes and even put pots and pans in soapy water (this was 20 yrs ago)

[Trigger Hippie]

58. Boy, now that's really

going above and beyond. :rofl:

[pitohui]

63. they'll laugh about it later

Any guy who would not date you because of that is not worth dating at all. Right?

this not technically true, a man concerned w. planning for the future & wise use of finance will best be served by not getting involved w. a woman who relies on take out and eating out

however, i suspect she'll date within her own kind, a man content to spend on take out and eating out as well

you know he's only pretending to believe she cooked the food, take out is pretty obvious

they'll laugh about it later, it will become one of their funny stories

not my type of person, i like to cook & also be cautious abt spending too much money, but no reason this can't work out perfectly well

[Bassic]

67. I am a better cook than all my ex-girlfriends

So I agree with you :)

The only that equals, and possibly bests me, is my current girlfriend, and soon-to-be fiancée.

[caty]

70. If you can read--

you can cook. Tell her to by a cookbook.

[leftofthedial]

72. wait a minute!

a couple of weks ago here on DU, the way to aman's heart was through his ribcage.

is this proof of evolution?

[sakabatou]

74. Very very creepy...

I'd run like the wind if I were her date.

[Trigger Hippie]

75. Thank you.

It's very creepy. :scared:

[no name no slogan]

78. The guy is either: A) Ward Cleaver, or B) extremely gullible

...if he actually BELIEVES her. :eyes:

i mean, i'm a guy, and i burn boiling water, but even I'M not that damn stoopid. sheesh.

your coworker may be intelligent, but she sure isn't smart. :crazy:

[redqueen]

79. Way to go continuing gender stereotypes.

Hurray!

:grr:

[truebrit71]

80. That's fine, but what does she look like naked?

...I don't care how good a cook you are, if you look like a shrivelled prune when you drop your togs, you won't see him for dust...

[Trigger Hippie]

82. She's got a great figure.

FYI. :)

[truebrit71]

85. Super, invite her to my place and she can pretend to cook for me...

..and I'll pretend not to be married! :evilgrin:

[Trigger Hippie]

86. For shame!

J/K

:rofl:

[Burma Jones]

81. Nope - the way to a WOMAN's heart is through her stomach

In my experience, my ability to cook has put me in good stead......

[Trigger Hippie]

84. In my case, that's true.

If I found a guy who could and would cook for me all the time, I'd be his. Don't worry, I'd do plenty of other stuff for him. ;)

[Burma Jones]

87. It was the second thing that attracted my wife to me

The first was my sense of humor....I am not a hot guy so I have to be smart, funny, a skilled cook, a consciencious father and humble

[lildreamer316]

83. If she's that worried about it;

a good compromise is to bake for him. It is usually easy and even if it came out of a box there is some effort involved and so it seems like you "cooked" when you didn't really.
I'm NOT saying she should try to learn to cook for a man; but if she's THAT hung up about it this is an easy way to assuage her conscience.

[Nikia]

88. She could try the supper bake meals

They involve buying chicken (there might some with other meats too). For greatest ease, she can buy them fresh and boneless skinless in the amount requested on the box. They include everything else one needs and have easy instructions. For a more balanced meal, she could also have salads using the bagged salad mixes.

[GreenPartyVoter]

89. She's read too much Chick Lit