Any good advice on getting over an ex?

[TufNeck]

Please share.

[salinen]

1. Ativan

it is a wonder for heartache.

[liss681]

2. Lots of beer

and rebound nookie

[GreyPilgrim]

3. Time

That doesn't help, does it? But, true.

[Floogeldy]

4. I don't know.

After my wife and I split, it hurt like hell for two or three weeks. It was not a long marriage. We didn't have any kids. I realized that I had probably dodged a bullet. Then, I was fine.

We started having the best sex of our lives with each other, after that.

But I digress.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

5. I remember you......

Just move on. Let go. I know it's hard and that's easier said that done, but you have to. Go out with friends... enjoy your alone time.

I like to listen to sad music. Oddly, it helps. Spend time with family...

and be nice.

Hang in there. :hug:

[shugah]

6. well, it depends

on how long an ex, the length and intensity of the relationship, how it ended, and what, to you, consitutes "getting over".

i've generally found rebound relationships help quite a bit - tho often end up hurting the rebound other.

[ScreamingMeemie]

7. Write it all down. The feelings, the hurt, the anger...and even the

good memories...and then put it away, and get back in there. :hug: Take care.

[leftofthedial]

8. lots of real nasty sex

(with all his/her friends and siblings)

[WindRavenX]

9. burn all the photos

Wash all your clothes
Get a haircut (this REALLY helped me)
Work out

And realize that it's their loss :hi:

[Floogeldy]

11. No, no, no. Not the photos.

}(

[shugah]

16. absolutely the photos!

unless there is one of you that is just too good to burn. then you take the scissors (well, okay, it was the scissors back when i used to get broken hearted. now, i guess it would be the photo editing software).

[Floogeldy]

18. Wait a minute.

Which photos?

[chaska]

Talk and lots of it. Annoy the hell out of everyone with your sob stories.

Seriously, it's the only thing that will get you through. Men are entitled to their emotions too. And the fuck with everybody that tries to tell you otherwise.

[madeline_con]

10. Use a sturdy vehicle....

you don't want to break down halfway across. :evilgrin:

[havocmom]

14. LOL! Ah-HA! You really have been there & done that!

yep, fantasy revenge games are good too

[TufNeck]

12. Heartache

sure is a bitch, isn't it?
Nausea, physical aches and pains, racing thoughts...feels, not too good. Feels like there's no way out. I should know better. Well, hey, thanks for the advice. If you have more to add, I'm all ears, or, make that eyes. I'm not ready to just hop into another relationship or even rebound sex or whatever it is. I can't even picture myself with anyone. Not even the ex. Thinking of sex almost hurts me even more. Images and thoughts I have kind of ruin the mood for me real quick. That's all for now.

[WindRavenX]

13. dude

For real, if you need to talk, send me a PM. I know what you're going thru, and it SUCKS. If you need an ear, don't be a stranger :hi:

[name not needed]

15. Use an SUV

The head may damage the bumper on a normal car.

[tjdee]

17. Remembering that life is a very long while--let yourself off the hook.

If you're meant to be together, you will be.

If not, you won't--and you will find someone better for you.

Don't try so hard to get over your ex, or to try to get him/her to come back. You don't have to *do* anything. Que sera, sera.

You will get over it in your own way and in your own time.
Good luck!

[havocmom]

19. Journaling is good, gets shit out and works to show you progress.

Take very good care of yourself: healthy diet, relaxing exercise, listen to music which makes your soul breathe. Be as good to yourself as you are to your good friends!

Make a list of five things you like to do.
Do them.

Next month, make it a list of ten things.
Do those too.

Try something new which has sort of interested you for a long time buy you never seemed to have time for.

Volunteer. You make the world better and it makes you feel better about yourself.

Take the time to appreciate small things. Mention to others what you appreciate about them. When you dwell on good stuff, seems more of it starts showing up in your life.

Take time to really learn to enjoy some solitary pursuits.

Balance a little 'crowd time' into your schedule too.

Join an interest group or sign up for an enrichment class which interests you. You will spend energy in a new area, meet new people, challange yourself and feel good about learning.

Spend time with nature. Really be there when you do.

Breathe. Seriously, we tend to breathe faster and more shallow when sad, stressed, depressed. Take time throughout the day to pay attention to your breathing. Bring it down and make it deep. O2 is your friend.

Do not let panic attacks send you into, well, a panic. They are too common when we are really down. Learn about them now and handle them if they show up.

Sleep is good, but don't hide there. Put a pen and notebook by the bed and jot things down that you recall from dreams. As part of a journaling project, paying attention to the evolution of your dreams can help you direct your own healing and also mark your progress.

Expect occassional setbacks. It happens. They will become less sever and their numbers will decrease.

Remember that how you feel today is NOT how forever feels. You will be better than you were. You will learn and grow. You will love again.

Trust da momma. She know. ;)

Let me know how you are doin from time to time if you want. I'll hold a lamp up at the end of the tunnel. Some kind people did that for me once. I promised to pass the light along.

[TufNeck]

22. Breathing

As simple as that sounds, that is really true. It's like a weight on my chest that makes me take short, stomach-cramping breaths. I have a bad temper. I already wrecked my car in a fit of anger. I'm not eating much because I don't really have a good appetite and my stomach is in knots. I'm drinking a ton of water and losing a little weight too, which is, interesting. I have this attitude of I don't care and I don't want to talk about it. Yet, I do care. I care a little too much. So much that it is consuming my life right now. I know I will get over it but I almost have to think outside of myself to do that. I'm like a clenched fist, angry and bitterly sad. But I know I'll unwind and be myself again. I know because it sounds right. Honestly though, I feel like part of this will live with me in a big way. So, yeah...the exercise part sounds good. Even though I'm thinking more of letting myself go, not taking care of myself, punishing myself, hurting myself....I can imagine turning that energy into exercise, weight lifting, running. Maybe I should do the Forrest Gump thing where he just runs his ass off and grows a big burly beard. I'm down with that. I'll either increase my strength and stamina or croak after the first mile. Either way, I've got nothing to lose and something to gain.

[havocmom]

25. Grasshopper, you are on the road you need to walk

Take this time NOT to get over an ex but to really get to know yourself.

I resorted to 3x5 index cards around my flat, with little things I needed to remember to work on. It did help. There is a book called Beyond Negative Thinking which was a big help to me too.

Eventually you will get to a place where you understand you must love and care for yourself first or you are useless to anyone else. You are worth taking care of.

I still have 2 cartoons from 'the bad ol days'. Used to keep them on the bathroom mirror. One is Ziggy, going over his 'to do today' list:
Pick yourself up.
Dust yourself off.
Start all over again!

The other is of a salesman, speaking to a couple about the mobil home they are looking at:
and it can withstand hurricane force winds, until it lands

Breathe, my friend. The fast, shallow stuff is the ol 'fight or flight' thing kicking in. We are still hard wired to deal with all sorts of dangers in the physical world, but most trouble for us is emmotional. Not much to relieve the feeling of being threatened when it is not a tiger you need to get away from, but your own feelings and self-talk. So we stay in that 'fight or flight' mode WAY too long and it does damage to us. Exercise, relaxation, proper fuel are essential.

Learn about all the wierd shit that the body goes through in times of extreme stress. It is a whole body experience. Some of us go through all the symptoms of shock, only it hangs on for way too long. Taking care of the physical will help. Since you notice what you are doing right and wrong, you are off to a good start.

You will be better. It will take time. Someday, this will all seem like a gift to you. Really.

[JackDragna]

20. Don't date in the first place.

It's a waste of time and resources best spent on things and people who don't make you want to chew off your own head.

[last_texas_dem]

21. Don't stay friends

Believe me, 'cause I've tried to do that (I thought it was the stronger, more "mature" thing to do) and I'm still not over her.

Also if you don't have major social anxiety/shyness like me and dating comes easy for you, try to start dating again as soon as you feel up to it. Finding someone else is probably the best way to get over the one you lost.

Otherwise, time is the best remedy. Most strong feelings will at least fade with time, just because you start forgetting. But if you really loved the person you'll never truly, fully get over that feeling.

[Redstone]

23. 1) Pull your socks up;

2) Get up in the morning and go to work;

3) Run it off;

4) Let it go;

5) Go on to the next thing.

Trust me, it works.

Redstone

[TufNeck]

24. Good advice out there

I definately agree with not staying friends. Because kids are involved I'll try my best to be cordial at least in front of the kids. Maybe just in front of the kids. I've tried to focus my mind on my hobbies and things I enjoy that have nothing to do with the female species, but it doesn't always work and leads me to spending too much time and money on meaningless things. It's the racing thoughts I have of my ex with someone else that hurt me more than anything I've ever felt. Not just with someone else but what she is doing with someone else. It's just the way my mind works. When my mind clears I will be ok.

[MissMarple]

26. Grieve, cry, share. Find some fun activities.

And country music can be quite cathartic. Shopping is an activity. Hang out with your buds. Don't take it personally, especially if you are young or otherwise still growing up. These things happen. :)

[no name no slogan]

27. going thru a divorce right now, actually

i'm going through a divorce right now-- tomorrow would have been our 9th anniversary. first and foremost, take care of yourself. avoid your ex- if entirely possible. don't deal with him/her unless you ABSOLUTELY have to.

it's best to make it a clean break, if at all possible. spend time with your own friends as much as possible. keep busy, too-- that seems to help me out.

and for fsck's sake, DON'T DWELL ON WHAT WENT WRONG. if it was meant to be, it was meant to be-- if it wasn't, it won't be. don't try to relive the past. just put it behind you, chalk it up to experience, and move on.

you'll be much happier once you do so. best of luck to you!

[TufNeck]

28. Thank you everyone.