Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

[meegbear]

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

<snip>

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

<snip>

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

[zbdent]

1. Someone else said it before - Gravity is just a liberal conspiracy to

make us hate Jesus . . .

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

10. Actually it's a corporate conspiracy by the airline industry...

[Initech]

14. Peter Griffin was right - Christians dont believe in gravity!

[Junkdrawer]

2. I think the theory of "Intelligent Decline" must be taught...

on an equal footing as the "Theory of Gravity". :evilgrin:

[ladjf]

3. I presume that this is a joke. However, now days, it's impossible

to tell the difference.

[ClintonTyree]

4. If it's from the Onion..........

you can rest assured it's a joke. However, like you said, these days it's hard to tell. The fundies keep coming up with more ridiculous crap everyday.

[Bassic]

5. I don't know the Onion

But I assume it's a spoof kind of thing? (Hence this article being a joke)

[ihaveaquestion]

6. Yes, everything in The Onion is a spoof.

[Dr.Phool]

7. Check it out

www.theonion.com

Great parody site. New stuff every week.

[Bassic]

8. Yeah I've been reading it a bit. Great site.

[Mutley]

9. I wouldn't even be surprised if it was real.

:rofl:

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

11. I know...

It's the genius of great satire, and the shame of modern society.

[bridgit]

12. so, the republican wrong-wing fundamental nut-ball fringe...

is a function of god's law of physics check :thumbsup: :rofl:

[Initech]

13. Gotta love the Onion!