Today would have been my 9th wedding anniversary

[no name no slogan]

It was nine years ago today that I said "I do" to the woman I thought i'd spend the rest of my life with. But, as you can probably guess from the subject line, we're no longer together, as of last May, for a variety of reasons.

But do you know what? Her leaving me is probably the best thing that's ever happened.

You see, she was emotionally abusive, domineering, and made me feel like dirt-- and also made me think that was how I was SUPPOSED to feel. All our problems in the marriage were because of ME, because I was the sick one, and I caused everything.

Since then, I've done a lot of growing. I've learned a lot more about myself. I spent a week in the depression ward at the hospital. I've learned how to manage my depression successfully, and I've even dated around a bit and made a lot of new friends.

For the first time in my entire life, I actually like myself. I'm intelligent, fairly witty, passionate, caring, and have a lot to offer the rest of the world. And I'm noticing that a lot of other people like me too, in many different ways.

I've even met someone new. She's wonderful. We have a lot in common and spend hours just talking about anything and everything. We haven't even met in person yet (thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the internets!), but we have a connection. I truly feel I can love again, and that I can be loved again. It's amazing to feel that way again. after so many years of feeling nothing but pain and self-loathing.

So tonight, I will NOT mourn the passing of my marriage.
I will celebrate the BEGINNING of my new life.

:party: :toast: :bounce:

[Guaranteed]

1. Congratulations!

Your perspective is so healthy. Very strong.

I'm glad for you. :)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Good for you!

My husband was married/divorced before we met. I appreciate him and he appreciates me. It was love at first sight, and the love just keeps growing-we've been together for 16 years. Hope the same happens to you.

[jody]

3. Glad things are looking up for you.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you:
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

:toast:

[benddem]

4. wow

thanks for sharing and growing. Glad you got out before you couldn't undo the beliefs. Good luck!:) :bounce: :party:

[Guaranteed]

7. That's what I said.

"Wow."

It's a testament to humanity that people can go through such things and come out so beautifully.

It gives me hope.

[no name no slogan]

12. hope is all we have

and believe it or not, Kucinich's '04 presidential campaign helped me realize that! :D

oh, and you can't forget love. screw gravity, it's really love that makes the world go round!

[hfojvt]

16. you need to goto this thread

and say that

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3871589&mesg_id=3871589

[no name no slogan]

17. Done (nt)

[sakabatou]

5. Plus you have us friends at DU who support you!

Like me! :hug:

[politicaholic]

6. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

Good luck with the new gal, but take it slow, by the sound of it you're not even close to being healed. How do I know? Because you posted that. No healed person would do that.

[maveric]

8. Two days ago would have been my 25th. But eight years ago the divorce

was finalized.
It still hurts after all these years. Especially since she left me for a green-toothed, abusive drunk, who she ended up divorcing.

I hope that your new love works out for ya buddy!

[Hugin]

9. I like stories like this.

:)

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

10. Now start celebrating the divorce anniversary. You deserve it.

It's your re-birth of sorts. I celebrate mine annually now. Like you, I was in an abusive, controlling marriage for 9 years and I made the mistake of jumping right into another bad relationship immediately. I have just, over the past year, started to get MYSELF together.

Congrats! :toast: :woohoo: :bounce:

[no name no slogan]

11. I celebrate the day I left the hospital (May 19) as my "second birthday"

I mark that as the day when my new life began. I've had my share of ups and downs since then, but for the most part it's been a steady upward climb.

Truthfully, I have not felt this good in my life, EVER. I'm finally getting my depression treated correctly, I've taken care of the physical causes of my disease, and have spent a lot of time soul-searching and living a healthier lifestyle. In fact, the only constant thing in my life (besides my cats) has been my job. :)

thanks for the warm wishes and good thoughts-- i appreciate it!

[NewJeffCT]

22. I did that for like 3 years

Each year on June 29, I'd go to a strip joint & celebrate with a bunch of lap dances! It's very therapeutic.

[JohnnyBoots]

13. Good luck Bro!

[Shoeempress]

14. Congratulations on you new attitude, new love and glad to hear

your kitties are doing well.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. Yay!!!

:party::yourock::party:
Congrats on your new life! :hug:

[no name no slogan]

18. Thank you everybody for the kind thoughts!

you've all be very very good to me, and i truly appreciate it! :toast:

[NewJeffCT]

19. congratulations & good luck... your ex sounds like mine

I know what you mean - what would have been my 7th anniversary with my now ex-wife is coming up in like 2 weeks. I'm lucky our marriage ended quickly (less than a year and no kids!), as she seems to be similar in personality to your ex-wife. To top it off, she loved to spend money and did no housework despite only have a part-time job. After she filed for divorce, she asked me if I was going to sue her for mental abuse!

But, as I got some perspective (and also dated like Wilt Chamberlin for about 18 months!) over time, I realized that I was the one that put my all into the marriage, while she usually did not. At least I tried, while she basically gave up when we had a few things go wrong in the beginning, other than spending more money trying to make herself happy.

Luckily, about 4 1/2 years ago, I found another woman that had a good head on her shoulders, knew the value of saving money, and appreciated me for treating her nicely and respecting her intelligence.

[Trigger Hippie]

20. Screw the past nine years,

You're on the right track for something amazing. I'm so happy for you. :loveya:

:toast:

:bounce:

[Shell Beau]

21. Good for you! I am proud!

[faithnotgreed]

23. its great to hear from you

and of course your strength in this right now is wonderful to hear also

please take special care and it really is true - if someone cant treat you with love and respect then they sure as heck dont deserve you

heres to your celebration of life and all that IS possible