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Actually, you'll never read it.
It's called "Qualifying and Estimating Chain-Link Fencing Systems." Eight pages, black and white, and intended for use by our associates.
I wrote it to teach my folks how to write chain-link fencing orders because they didn't know how and it's hard to catch up with them all. There are 16 people in the lumber, building materials and millwork departments, so I made 18 copies of it--one for everyone, one to stash at home and one to stash at the store in case we lose all the others.
As I was collating and stapling this tome, our training captain asked what it was. I gave her one.
Then the contractor desk heard about it. I gave them two.
The training captain said she was going to give one to the district manager the next time he comes in, so maybe all the other stores in the district will get one.
Then the divisional contractor sales manager came in yesterday on a tour of our store. This man, who is one step below our divisional vice president, was shown the book. He faxed a copy of it to his boss (the Southeastern Division VP)...who read it and faxed a copy to her boss (president of The Home Depot)...who read it and faxed a copy to his boss (CEO of Homer TLC, the conglomerate that owns The Home Depot). I have no idea what his boss will think, but if all these other people liked it, maybe he will too. I cringe to think about what a document set in Caslon and run out on a laser printer looks like after being faxed all the way up the executive chain of command.
And yes, my name's in the thing so they know who did it.
'Course, it's going to need some editing before it's fit for nationwide consumption; the phrase "which they don't make and we ain't got" appears a couple of times in the text. I was referring to Tri-Corner Post Kits (used to make multiple-dog kennels and to fence two yards at the same time) and lawn-mower gates, which they don't make and we ain't got. But I mean, fuck it, man, I never expected this thing to land in the CEO's in-box.
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