Funny shit your Mom says, you know, her trademark phrase

[HEyHEY]

My Mother always says, "Jesus Murphy!" in gruff voice. I had assumed it was some kinda Irish expression(Her folks were Irish), but I'm not sure if it is now.
When I was a kid I always wondered who the hell Murphy was, and what relation he had to Jesus, who we had pictures of in a big white book downstairs.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

1. The Devil is standing behind you!

[HEyHEY]

2. Jesus H. Christ, I'm in a cabin in the middle of the woods, don't do that

Again :hide:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

5. Don't worry the clowns will get him ...............

[HEyHEY]

14. Ruh roh!

:hide:

[Tallison]

80. Self-delete

[Kali]

3. Fiddlesticks

instead of godammit or crap or oh shit or....

[HEyHEY]

What is a fiddlestick anyway?

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. I don't know but

My stepdad had my children convinced that there were giant fish sticks roaming the oceans, running from their arch nemesis - french fries. (They were three and five at the time)

[Kali]

12. Good question

a bow? -- that thing you scrape against the strings of a violin?

[Dervill Crow]

30. That's what I always thought a fiddlestick was. n/t

[achtung_circus]

51. Fiddlesticks

are sticks rsembling very thi drumsticks, used to play the strings of a violin (fiddle) in a percussive manner.

Kinda like variable cowbell.

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. As a mother, I've noticed that I've revived some of the ones I heard

Life isn't fair. (I always really hated that one!)


My kids, without a doubt, will ask me what I'm cooking like they can't see it. So, I tell them we're having snot with a side of boogers, or fried butt. There was a time when they thought this was funny. Now, they just roll their eyes and say "Mooooom, what are we REALLY eating?"

[The_Casual_Observer]

6. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

Just about covered the whole thing.

[HEyHEY]

9. Pretty well The Big three

[yewberry]

7. "Jeannie Christmas!"

Yup, that's a swear to Mom. She once said it on television, but they'd cut the mike by that time (it was the end of the program) and so it *looked* like she said "shit."

Mom was not pleased.

[HEyHEY]

11. Now that is maternially cute

[Dervill Crow]

33. My sister-in-law says "Jeeeeminy Christmas." n/t

[Kathleen04]

10. Prettineer

where she's from they say that..aka "pretty near" or "almost". But, she thought it was a real word and only realized it wasn't when she was writing a paper and tried to look up how to spell it. :rofl:

My mom has a plethora of momisms but I can't think of them all right now.

[Not_Giving_Up]

13. My grandparents say pertnear

Oh, and my mother still warshes her clothes and dishes, even though they moved from Mississippi when she was a child.

[Dervill Crow]

29. My grandparents said purt-near, too.

Okay, this was driving me crazy so I Googled and found the answer. Alan Young (Mr. Ed's friend Wilbur) and Dinah Shore did a movie together, "Aaron Slick from Punkin Crick," and Dinah Shore sang a song entitled "Purt Nigh But Not Plumb."

I've had that ear worm off and on for about a week since a transcriptionist in my department was stuck on the term "plumb bob."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

73. I first heard it in southern Wisconsin from a childhood friend

whose parents had her when they were quite old. She was the only 9-year-old I knew whose parents had gray hair.

[Kali]

16. opposite of yonder?

[Kathleen04]

20. hmm..no it's more like..

Are you out of money? "Yeah, prettineer.."

Basically, she says that instead of saying almost and now I find myself saying it too!

[Kathleen04]

26. Let's see I thought of some..

"Drink your waterrrr"--any problem that you're having can be solved by drinking more water. Even if you're not having any problems, drink your water.

"Yikes that is precariously perched"

"Hi-ya" instead of hey or hi.

And alot more..

[u4ic]

38. Pridnear is what we heard

[evlbstrd]

15. My entire name when she was pissed.

[Kali]

19. oh yeah

or calling you for dinner. (omg anybody old enough to have run loose in the 'hood? Nowadays it's all organized soccer and such)


KAAAALLLLLIIII AAAAAANNNNNN TIME FOR DIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEERRRR

[NoQuarter]

27. My folks trained the neighborhood

to flick porch lights to call the kids in. (they thought all that yelling was unseemly or something) But if you weren't keeping an eye out and missed the signal, you were humiliated in front of your friends with the stentorian utterance of you FULL name.

[Dervill Crow]

31. Oh, man, I'd forgotten that porch light thing!

I remember more than one occasion standing on the porch saying goodnight to my boyfriend, and my mom would flick the light. Truly embarrassing.

[evlbstrd]

41. Yes, we were feral children, weren't we?

And no bicycle helmets, either.

[NoQuarter]

21. Oh, yes. The name thing

When you heard your first and middle called out, you were in BIG trouble.

[u4ic]

39. Since I had 4 siblings in front of me

Most left home before I was 9...when I started to hear the run through of names - I knew I was last, and hence had time to escape. :bounce:

My mom used to pronounce things amusingly: energy was ENreGEE, Hawaii was HIGHwhyEE. Margarine, from her lips, was mar-geen.

She did, however, pronounce "nuclear" correctly.

I was rarely in trouble with my mom anyway. She'd come after us with the wooden spoon, we'd deke her out and end up with it ourselves. Then we'd have a playmatch. :D

[Heidi]

17. "Were you raised by _wolves_?" (TM) nt

[skygazer]

69. My mom's was similar - "were you brought up in a barn?"

That was when we didn't shut the door. If it was winter, she'd tell us she "wasn't heating the Great Outdoors", one which I've found myself saying to my kids. ~sigh~

[NoQuarter]

18. "Give me strength"

This was the signal that she had just about had it and extra chores were about to be assigned.

[Parrcrow]

22. my mom was always calling upon Jesus Murphy too

must be a useful guy.

when she wanted to be critical in a fun way, she would call me a 'stunned banana'.

[HEyHEY]

24. Hey, you're from Southern Ontario right?

My mom lived in Scarborough for 13 years...maybe that's where she got it.

[Parrcrow]

25. My mom was from North Bay

Murphys could be a big clan but Jesus is their head honcho.

[leftofthedial]

23. goddam little bastard

you're standing on my oxygen hose again!

worthless little shit!

[leftofthedial]

28. *just kidding!*

My mom is a sweet little old lady who loves me and hardly ever calls me a little bastard.

[Kire]

32. "I'm the Meanest mommy in the world!"

it's not really funny, but she's right

[RoyGBiv]

34. Shee Shee Boom Boom ...

I was about 12 when I realized this meant, basically, "shit, shit, damnit, damnit" but she still uses it anyway. Still makes me laugh too. :-)

[Suich]

35. "Oh fer cryin' out loud in a bucket"

:shrug:

[Kali]

42. Oh yeah

mine just did "oh for crying out loud" forgot that one.

[Dervill Crow]

36. OPP! or AAAHHP!

That was her all-purpose word. Depending upon whether the emphasis was more on the vowel or consonant portion of the word it would be made clear whether it meant, "Ohmigod you better stop what you're doing or something bad is going to happen to you!!!" or "You better stop what you're doing RIGHT THIS MINUTE or I'm going to make something bad happen to you."

I've found myself using this word when speaking to children, dogs, cats, and people I'm training on the computer system at work. It seems to be universally understood.

[SKKY]

37. No shit, my mother used to say this all the time....

.."I love my period. It's the one time in the month I can really be myself."

[last_texas_dem]

40. "Golly Moses!"

Well we always thought it was funny at least.

Also, "All-right now!" (you might have to hear it in her slight Southern drawl for it to be funny; she says it when she thinks someone is getting too carried away about something.)

[graywarrior]

43. "Go piss up a rope"

"I didn't know they piled shit that high" as a side shot to people she thought were bullshitting her.

"Mother of Christ."

[billyskank]

44. You make a better door than a window!

When I was standing in the way of the telly. I haven't heard this in a long time.

[JohnLocke]

63. My mom always said "you're not made of glass!" (nt)

[DawgHouse]

75. Oh my goodness, DH says this ALL the time

I don't know where it comes from, regionally I mean. I'm from the south and thought I'd heard it all. He's from Philly originally. Yep, "make a better door than a window!" :)

[FuzzySlippers]

45. My mother had this expression "They say......."

followed by some pronouncement. We could never argue with what "they" said, because we had no idea who "they" were. "They" were just the ultimate authority on everything and totally tyrannized our childhood.

[miss_kitty]

46. "I am so angrivated!"

"Shithouse mouse!"
"Has anyone seen my sunglasses?" "They're on your head, mom"
"Where are my keys?" "In your hand, mom."

[nytemare]

47. "Look what I got from Home Shopping"

Since some schmuck in Tampa first came up with the idea of selling crap on a special channel, my mother has been addicted to it. I think it started in about 86 or so.

Now, she TIVO's Home Shopping. That's right, my mother TIVO's Home Shopping.

[Akoto]

56. My grandmother is like that.

She's always bought all kinds of junk she didn't need off the Home Shopping channel. I got a blender last Christmas. LOL.

[nytemare]

60. My mom is bad at buying stuff she doesn't need!

She will buy 2 of something, and try to sell it at her work for a profit.

She is a trip.

[terrya]

48. She's always saying "Zombu Coffee tastest like shit!"

And I laugh and laugh.

[SiouxJ]

49. "Fun, fun, fun"

she says it when she can't think of anything else to say. She doesn't like it when no one is talking so she'll just blurt that out whenever there's a gap in the conversation; not loudly, just sorta matter of fact-ly.

btw, I'm lmao reading this thread :rofl:

[Tari]

50. "It's all fun until somebody gets hurt!"

Well, yeah. She uses that one on my kids now.

[RubyDuby in GA]

52. "Well people in Hell want ice water and you don't see them getting it"

in response to my requests beginning with "I want..."

[mockmonkey]

53. Bull Roar instead of

Bull Shit.

She used to say to me a lot, "Why do you talk so stupid?" That actually makes me feel better to know that I irritated her with my own personal "wit".

I tell my SO that my Mom used to say to me, "You'd lose your own head... if it wasn't already up your ass." But she never said it.

[Obamarama]

54. "Go ahead, just dance on my grave. Bring some friends, have a party."

She used this line whenever we went against her wishes. Jewish to the core, God bless her.

[DawgHouse]

77. Okay, I like this one

I think I'm going to start using it on my own kids ;)

[Lars39]

55. "Well, shit a monkey"

and,"Not worth a fart in a whirlwind" were two of my favorites.
Mom had a wicked sense of humor. :)

[Rising Phoenix]

57. -------- looked at me like I had fourteen heads.

[Kali]

58. Thought of another - ans kind of appropriate for current times

bushwa - I have no idea how to spell it but it might need to be revived. Means "I don't belive you/that" (bullshit!)

[Misunderestimator]

59. "Go to BLAZES!"

[MrSlayer]

61. "Go pound sand"

I guess it's a cleaner version of "Fuck Off".

[TheCentepedeShoes]

62. "Wouldn' they think better of you....."

I swear, she said this to me last week. And I'm 56 years old. We had taken a co-worker to lunch for her birthday - company policy is to take a "long lunch" for the occasion - and she said, since I'm new on the job, "wouldn't they think better of you'd if you'd stayed on the job and done their work while they were out having their fun." :shrug:

[libnnc]

64. "Well Whut-ever!"

:eyes:

[AlCzervik]

65. My Ma had 2, "JesusMaryandJoseph" i used to think that was one person

and "Your room is a mess, it looks like the hell hole of Calcutta!"

[malta blue]

66. "I will bury you in catshit before I let you..."

the infamous words I heard all through those teenage try to express yourself years. Hence, no more than one hole in each ear, wouldn't even dream of body art nor hair dye.

[BamaGirl]

67. "does a chicken have lips?"

which is basically her answer for yes lol. My sil says "fine as frog's hair" all the time. We're weird ppl, what can I say? Lol

[skygazer]

68. My mom would say "Cripes Almighty!"

which I guess was her way of cursing without really using the lord's name in vain. I always thought it was funny, even when I was a little kid.

She also used to make the comment that she wouldn't know someone from a bale of hay, as in "At the time, I didn't know her from a bale of hay". Strange expression - i used to get a mental image of a person standing next to a bale of hay and my mother failing to tell the difference between them. Rather Monty Pythonesque.

[likesmountains 52]

70. "She's gonna have cast iron kittens over this!" About other women..

Also the ever popular"Jesus H. Christ"

[Neshanic]

71. "The whole kittenkaboodle" WTF is a kittenkaboodle?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

74. It's "kit and kaboodle"

actually.

[Neshanic]

79. Really? OMG...thanks.

[gardenista]

72. "Blow it out your barracks bag!"

I have no idea where she got this one, but she says it with great conviction any time somebody honks their horn at her. Um, she gets to say it a lot.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

76. "See you in the funnies" and "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the

bedbugs bite."

She always says "see you in the funnies" instead of "see you later." I think it may have been some 1920s or 1930s catch phrase.

[DawgHouse]

78. The rest of the bedbug rhyme

as I learned it is "and if they do, get a shoe, and beat them til they're black and blue."

See you in the funnies, I like that one.

[Tallison]

81. "God damn shit to fucking Christ"

Swear to God. Just never at the dinner table. :shrug:

[youthere]

82. "...since Hector was a pup"

I don't know who Hector was. But apparently NOTHING has ever been done since he was a pup.
"I haven't washed that window since Hector was a pup"
"That stain has been there since Hector was a pup"
"Oh I've known them since Hector was a pup."
You get the idea.

[Clintmax]

83. There are many...

"I swan!"
"You damned little devils"
"If you don't be good, I kill ya and tell god ya died!"

Just to name a few.
:rofl:

[Left Is Write]

84. I don't think she has one.

Not that I can think of, anyway.

[kiraboo]

85. "I don't give a damn about your soakin' eye!"

This in response to, "So, can I?"