By Biff Scuzzy
Aug 19, 2005, 10:33
"The only safe sex is phone sex," said the president.
CRAWFORD, Texas - President George W.Bush has agreed to interrupt his vacation in order to meet with Guy Terrell, the forty-year-old president of Virgin Vanguard, an evangelical society dedicated to promoting virginity pledges among high school and college students. Terrell, who manages a Blockbuster video outlet in Memphis, Tennessee, requested Bush's help in "combating the flood of outrageous rumors that virginity pledges lead to sexually transmitted disease, sodomy, and oral sex."
The president is expected to meet with Terrell at Prairie Chapel ranch sometime this afternoon, following a rigorous bicycle ride with Lance Armstrong. In announcing the meeting, the president declared, "Jesus was a virgin all his life, and so were his mother and his father. Did they tell lies? Did they commit sodomy? Did they have warts on their pee-pees?"
Like Terrell, the president is concerned about "so-called studies" that were reported recently in the Journal of Adolescent Health. According to these studies, which questioned the effectiveness of the True Love Waits (TLW) virginity pledge, persons between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four who had pledged not to have sex until marriage were just as likely to contract a venereal disease as people who hadn't made that promise. In addition, virginity pledgers were more likely to engage in oral sex, sodomy, or large-group masturbation to "preserve" their virginity.
http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/08192005_virgin.shtml