Chatty folks v. Quiet folks

[AngryAmish]

I am definitely on the quiet side. There are two types of people: those who are extroverts who get energy from being with and talking to other people and those who are introverts who find being with people and talking to them to be draining.

(There are also people who are neither or switch according to their moods. This is being ignored for now.)

Anyway, extroverts have NO idea how draining and painful they can be. They feel it is a personal insult when someone does not want to talk to them because they cannot conceive that the act of communication could be inflicting pain. It is similar to a fish not knowing that it is wet because that is all they know.

Folks, take it from a guy who probably does not want to talk to you in the bookshop or in a restaurant. If someone does not want to talk, please be quiet. It may pain you not to speak but if you continue to do so you are inflicting pain.

[Debi]

1. Do you mean acknowledgement of a person's presence

Or sitting down w/a cup of joe and chit-chatting?

[AngryAmish]

5. Well, that depends

I don't like the greeters at Wal Mart. However, in a small store I suppose I can say hello if asked. Anything more is not welcome.

[Debi]

6. I meant folks you know

At the coffee shop we go to in the AM we do more nodding than chatting...acknowledging our acquaintances. We do the 'how's the weather' talk with the barista and then settle in to have our coffee and read the paper.

I'm chatty, but when I'm taking my 5-10 minutes to start the day it bothers me to be talked to.

I wondered if a "Hello" bugged you as much as a chat.

[AngryAmish]

9. Depends on your crew

If you know all these people then I doubt you are causing much offense. Then again, they could all secretly loath you because you are a chatterbox. I don't know enough facts to make a judgment.

[Debi]

10. Maybe you just don't want to chat right now?

:P

[Modem Butterfly]

2. I am not a quiet person

But I work closely with someone who is a freaking chatterbox. I can't stand her, so I just let her run off at the mouth. She's always spouting some inane bullshit, like the dog she had five years ago that she had to give away because he kept peeing on her clothes or how much she enjoys chocolate ice cream and mint ice cream but not chocolate mint ice cream. I just ignore her until she's nothing but a series of hoots and clicks to me. And yes, it's painful as hell.

Anyway, the irony is that she thinks I'm just a quiet person. It's not that I'm quiet, it's just that I don't want to encourage her.

[Debi]

7. I can't believe you're talking about me when I'm right here

And I miss that damn dog :cry:

[youthere]

17. Those are the kind of people..

that if they were talking on an airplane within earshot of the cockpit, the pilots would crash the plane into a mountain just to get them to shut up.

[jonnyblitz]

3. yes, chatty people who can't sense "stay away" body language

are annoying.

[TK421]

4. Sometimes I find myself imagining there was an on-off switch on the

back of their head. People who have diarrhea of the mouth-these people drive me fucking insane.

[redqueen]

8. I think I switch back and forth.

I love to chitchat, but when one person drones on too long, I tune them out and daydream or plan my grocery list while politely pretending to listen.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

11. Ever smoke dope?

There's always that great moment when someone with you gets the oral runs and just talks and talks and talks and from somewhere deep inside your consciousness, you realize there's a noise out there, and you turn to the speaker and say that great, stoned "What?"

I wear sunglasses all the time and look extraordinarily unapproachable, so I rarely have to do more than glance in someone's direction before they back away. It helps to be Italian-American, too....................

[magnetism]

14. what about when you are the one

having the oral runs and about five minutes into your rant, you forget your point.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

18. Honey ...........

I have an old law school friend who's occasionally forgotten which side he represents - while doing his summation at trial ..................

[AngryAmish]

23. When that happens...

just exort the jury to "seek justice" and "search for the truth" and to "look past the rhetoric". Then sit down.

[enigmatic]

28. Me too!

For me it helps that I look like the guy you wouldn't want to sit next to on the bus, so it works out in the end:)

Although I'm fairly chatty w/ friends when I want to be, chattering by itself is annoying to me. Comfortable silence is much more palatable..

[LynneSin]

12. I'm one of those with a healthy balance of both

But I know that extroverted type activities will take alot out of me so I appreciate a healthy balance of time for myself.

Whoever said "Silence is Golden" is a diety in my book

[BarbaRosa]

13. Draining, I like that phrase

that's exactly what it is. I don't know what is is about us quiet people that seem to draw motormouths, but it does seem that many of my friends that are left --moved or what-- are not really interested in what I might have to say. I seem to present them with a opportunity to piss and moan about everything.

I have a drinking buddy who I have been friends with for 15-20 yrs. At first we had some pretty good discussions -we don't see eye to eye, but we use to talk, in the past several years, ever since we moved and he now has a straight shot to our house, all private back roads so no DWI threat, he has become ever more abusive in his ranting. At least once a weekend, many times more, there he is. The patterns the same, the first part of his visit is pure pissing and moaning about how bad his week was, how bad this and that is. Then he proceeds to run my life down, then it's pretty much drinking the rest of my weekend stash. He will bring 6 beers of different, and I must say rather good types, but then proceeds to stay put until my 18 or 30 weekend pack is gone or mostly gone. Generally I feel totally beat up the next morning. I don't want to tell him not to come around this weekend for fear he'll take it to mean for ever. I don't know what to do, but as you can tell this is a huge rant for me. I start getting anxious around Thursday knowing it's coming.

MamaRosa has a few friends like that also, one lady in particular just seems to be unaware of anyone else in the conversation. No matter where the conversation is going she's motor-mouthing about what on her mind and thats it. Nice person, just real draining.

Wow, this is one of my biggest rants. I think I feel better.:rant:

[imperialismispasse]

15. I'm pretty quiet I guess, but my GF is chatty.

And I like when she chats at me (can't say chats with me because I don't add too much to the conversation). I know it's weird but I like listening to her tell me all the details of her day. She asks for input when she wants it but otherwise she just wants to be heard. I go about my business but I am listening and paying attention.

[I Have A Dream]

16. I'm not a quiet person, but I don't like to be around people...

very much socially. I especially don't like social situations where there's not a set agenda. Parties are agony for me. Going out to dinner with my husband & another couple isn't nearly as bad because there are other things happening (ordering, eating, etc.) and it's for a limited period of time.

Most people, even people that I love, feel like energy vampires to me. I know that it's not anything that they do, but it feels this way to me. Bottom line: my "battery" needs more time to recharge than it takes to drain; therefore, I need to be alone more than I can be around people socially.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

19. Amen

There's something going on out there - the closeness, or the numbers, or just the complications of daily life - but I know exactly of what you speak. I'm holing up more and more in versions of my own Bat Cave wherever I am.

Part of it is, I think, that so many people just aren't terribly interesting or thoughtful, and that's tiring for me.

Just know that you're hardly the only one. From a fellow Keystone Stater.

[Ladyhawk]

24. I'm with you on this. I need a lot of time to recharge after being around

people, especially people with whom I don't see eye-to-eye on most issues, which is pretty much everybody I know IRL. I'm constantly on guard. I have to be ready to steer the conversation back to something neutral and usually very boring...sigh.

[Patiod]

25. I'm the opposite - okay at parties, death if there's a set agenda

I hate meetings, to the point where I won't help out with anything at my church which requires regular attendance at meetings. As it is, there is one that I have to go to, and I find it excruciating. The whole "consensus" thing that the Quakers do is fine on paper, but in reality, there are times I just want to literally cry out of boredom and frustration. Fortunately, my work requires very few meetings.

Parties, on the other hand, are fun. And if they're not fun, I can make them amusing. Nothing I can do can make a Quaker business meeting interesting, much less amusing.

[I Have A Dream]

29. .

[flaminbats]

20. what about chat killers?

They only say one word..then conversation is over. :o

[nickgutierrez]

21. I'm a pretty extreme introvert until I get to know people

Even then, I don't talk a whole lot, but it doesn't "hurt" quite so bad then.

[tigereye]

22. I'm a chatty person

I will pretty much talk to anyone, but I know how to be quiet, too. And I can usually get the signals when someone does not want to talk. I love communication, though, I rarely feel that people talking to me is painful, more likely to be energizing.

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. Fucking hate chatty people.

And usually the shit they're talking about is irrelevant and shitty to begin with.

I only want to talk to people who want to have an interesting conversation. I don't give a fuck about the weather, I don't give a fuck about what other people are doing or saying, I don't give a fuck about what you or your child does if you are a stranger to me.

If you're talking because you're too goddamned stupid to handle silence, then, I hate to say it, but shut the fuck up and leave me in silence.

Too much noise in the world already. Just learn to shut the fuck up and live in silence until communication becomes necessary. And then say what you have to say, succinctly and tersely, without apology, and shut the fuck up when you're done.

[NewJeffCT]

27. as a quiet person, I actually feel the opposite

I generally prefer to be around extroverted people, as I know they'll do most of the talking.

With my ex-wife, I like to joke now that we didn't speak for almost 6 months before we got married.... because I didn't think it was polite to interrupt her while she was talking!

My wife now is pretty outgoing as well.

And, the women I've dated that I've liked best have generally been outgoing & energetic.

But, even with work, the best bosses I've had have generally been outgoing, too, while the two I've had the most trouble with have had quieter personalities.

[I Have A Dream]

30. There is a book that you might find interesting.

It's "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. It really helped me to better understand some things about myself. I bought it at Borders for $13. I think that it was in the Self-Help section.

Dr. Aron also has a website. Its URL is http://www.hsperson.com. I haven't checked out the website myself; I'm going to do so now!