I am an ex lesbian who was cured by going to a camp in Alabama

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

Nevermind...I think I am a lesbian again...

[SOteric]

1. Congratulations on your ReLesbianation!

Do you get another toaster...?

[jonnyblitz]

2. the makeup tips didn't cure ya eh?

awwwwww...:(

[Canadian Socialist]

53. They give make-up tips at those spots?

'Cause Merle Norman done me wrong. Everytime I go for their free makeup session, I end up looking like an over-aged hooker. This Alabama place can't be any worse. Except for the Alabama part.

[jonnyblitz]

54. yep...and they force the guys to play sports...nt

[Iris]

78. and lemm guess - they force the girls NOT to play sports.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

92. not if they are competitive and want to win

:evilgrin:

[Iris]

95. well,I've heard letting girls play sports only increases teenage pregnancy

Not quite sure how, but somehow the fundies have made that connection!

[bridgit]

3. all right...

[Misunderestimator]

4. Honey?

[Bat Boy]

9. Honey cured lesbian?

Sounds fabulous. Just the thing for a Christmas dinner.

[Misunderestimator]

16. Yum. That does sound good!

[WCGreen]

18. Hell it sounds good to me and I'm straight

[bertha katzenengel]

68. *blink*

:rofl:

[long_green]

93. That reminds me of a sticker I saw on a biker's helmet...

"Roll Me In Honey And Throw Me To The Lesbians"

[southlandshari]

72. ROFL!

:rofl:

[brack]

5. Cured??

So you were cured for what?? About 5 minutes?? I'm sure the camp would love for you to write a testimonial about how well the program worked for ya.

:D

[JimmyJazz]

7. Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[bridgit]

10. welcome to du, brack...

:hi: hope you stick around for a time or two :kick:

[jonnyblitz]

13. that is exactly what they do and they RARELY do follow-ups

to see if anybody has "lapsed". their success rate numbers are FLAWED for this very reason.

welcome to DU by the way...:hi:

[LynneSin]

19. I swear that Alabama camp is just like "But I'm a Cheerleader"

That has to be the funniest movie with RuPaul playing it 'straight' drooling over Eddie Cibiran while he tries to convert everyone back to being straight.

[jonnyblitz]

21. lol..yup. that movie was a hoot! i agree..

:hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

62. Hilarious movie...

I couldn't believe camps like that actually existed when I heard about them.

On a related note: Natasha Lyonne is in really bad condition these days apparently. That sucks.

[southlandshari]

74. I love that movie!

But shhhhhhh...don't tell. I'm from Alabama!

:hi:

[brack]

20. Thanks.

Thank you for the kind welcome. :D Nice to be around like minded people. A vast contrast from the Conservative hell I live in.

[jonnyblitz]

27. i am fortunate, I live in the very liberal northeast

between Boston and NYC so I rarely have to deal with rightwingers unless I am around my father(:eyes:). I have great empathy for those of you who are "surrounded". I know it must suck.

[brack]

29. Not quite the south

Where I live is sort of mixed really, but the right-wingers are WAY more vocal. Like they have some mandate on being outspoken. I'm not one to walk away from an argument, so I get into it with them quite a bit.

I'm not alone here, there are others, I live in Traverse City, Michigan. The city itself is fairly liberal, but surrounded by a bunch of little redneck towns. Most of the folks in the smaller towns are convinced that the Democrats are going to raise their taxes on their crappy 8$ an hour job and come and take their guns away.

In a nutshell, the soridid political landscape of my area. Nice to meet you all once again.

[Kipepeo]

55. They are "way more vocal" everywhere

I'm from the south where they are thick as flies on horseshit but they're still the loudest, as if afriad their opinion won't be heard.

I live in the bluest of the blue now and the few I've encountered here are just as loud and rude.

They are the loudass martyrs everywhere, even though they control the press, congress, the house & the whitehouse. Go figure.

[JimmyJazz]

6. I am an ex hetero who was cured by going to camp in California!

so, the numbers are still the same. :)

[FreepFryer]

8. Flannel addiction is a terrible thing. (n/t)

[neuvocat]

11. I don't believe you.

I think you're pretending to be a lesbian because straight women have boring lives in comparison.

[charlie]

12. I went to Alabama

and they turned me into a lesbian with dangly bits. Now I can only get dates with heterosexual women. I'm so confused...

[merh]

14. I am sure that MissU is relieved that the cure didn't stick.

[matcom]

15. I WIN!!!!

eerrrr. i didn't x(

[LynneSin]

17. Damnit, I had a brand new juicer for you too

We breeders give out juicers to anyone we can convert to our breeding world



It was a nice juicer too - think of how much healthier you would have been if you juiced instead of eating all that toast

:D

:sarcasm:

[bertha katzenengel]

69. mmm... toast...

"I love toast." Movie quote - name that film.

[Doctor_J]

22. Will you go out with me now?

or maybe the next time you think you're cured?

[johnnie]

23. Yeah well...

Just being here at DU around all of you "gays", I turned gay on Tues.

[johnnie]

33. Sorry

I just bumped my head on a wall, I like chicks again.
Damn sexuality....

[southlandshari]

75. ROFL!

This is quite possibly the funniest post on the funniest thread I've read in a long time!

C'mere, honey, you need another one of these! Let's see what happens then!

:hug:

[CornField]

24. Do you know a straight woman who went to prison...

... and came out a lesbian?

That was an actual "if so, we want to hear from you" line on a daytime talk show.

[Tsiyu]

25. Ala - damn - bama !!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!

(Did they bring in studly men who smashed beer cans on their heads to try to woo you?)

Below is photo of studly moral conservative men arriving at the Boaz, Alabama "Let Jeebus Love The Lezzbeean Out of You" Re-ejumication Kamp.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

36. Well I guess they are succeeding in butching it up a bit, no?

[Tsiyu]

58. tee hee

I couldn't resist ;)

(But Alabama isn't all bad, just so's nobody thinks I don't know that)

[delete_bush]

46. that's enough to make one consider

being asexual.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

26. Booster Shots...

You gotta remember your booster shots.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

37. No booster shots

but we're gonna go do beer bongs...does that count?

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

65. What the hell...Close Enough!

nt

[progmom]

28. phew

Your subject line had me all confused. :hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

30. Hey there, NSMA....I know at least one person who

would be MOST upset if you were to *um* convert (yeah right)!

We just want you to be true to yourself! OK?

That's how we love you best....:loveya: :grouphug:

[KamaAina]

31. Gunfunnit!

For 2.2 seconds I was gonna get ready to high-tail it to Alabama... before it was too late...

[KitchenWitch]

32. Well dip me in honey and throw me to the Lesbians.

[RetroLounge]

89. Sounds like a party I went to once...

:rofl:

RL

[AntiCoup2K4]

34. So did they give you another toaster oven when you re-enlisted?

Or whatever the term is.....

[DemoTex]

35. Ain't nothing in Alerbamer that's gonna cure you of a thang, my friend.

Alerbamer is why I am so fucked-up today! I am an Alerbamer native. L.A., lower Alerbamer. Mobile.

"Straight-laced" boot camp in Alerbamer? I believe it, actually!

Mac


DemoTex

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

39. Hey..Mobile is where Trof took us

for the best oyster po'boys on the planet's..>Ed's out on the causeway...and that's a cute pic, Mac...I wanna rub that belly for good luck :D

[DemoTex]

51. But did he take you to the Florabama Lounge?

If not, ask him why.

[Skittles]

61. HEY!!!! WHO IS THAT REDNECK!!!!!!!!

AND WHAT DID HE DO TO MY BELOVED MAC????? :D

[complain jane]

94. I've got just the thing for ya...

Make sure you 'mouse-over' the little heads:

http://www.bettybowers.com/bash.html

[swag]

38. I told Bridgit that sending you to camp was a dumb birthday present idea.

[swag]

42. I suggested we buy you some Lysol. Cheap and effective.

[bettyellen]

64. no greasy aftereffect? bummer!

[swag]

82. I know, can't win 'em all.

Perhaps Monsanto will develop something for us with "greasy aftereffect."

[Misunderestimator]

76. Ouch

[southlandshari]

79. Help!

I know I can ask you this and get a straight ( :rofl: ) answer....

Why is no one replying to my funny posts in this thread? Would it help if I became a lesbian? You know living in Alabama will do that to a girl.

I trust you to tell me the truth, darlin'!

;)

[Misunderestimator]

80. HA! Well... given that the OP and I...

seem to be the only lesbians replying on the thread at all... I'd say that throws that theory out of the water. :) (Except, I forgot Bertha, so maybe you do have something there :D.)

You could try becoming a lesbian though... Let me know, and I'll hook you up with some friends... oh wait.. you're in Alabama... forget it. :)

:hi:

[southlandshari]

83. Oh my! I think I AM a lesbian!!!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

85. YEAH BABY!!!!! I WON!!!!

maybe I should start my OWN camp in Alabama!!! How should I advertise???

[southlandshari]

86. Well, I think

my t-shirts are good start, yes?

Uh oh. I'm in trouble downthread....

:hide:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3924471&mesg_id=3926489

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

91. naaah...she shares :)

[khashka]

40. At the risk of getting this thread shut down - I offer you Dan Savage:

Oh, and apropos of nothing: Shaunti Feldhahn , "a conservative Christian author and speaker," recently wrote an op-ed touting conversion therapy for homosexuals. I speak for all gay people everywhere when I say that I'm sick to fucking death of listening to straight fundies yapping about how easy it is for other people to change their sexual orientations. Think it's easy, Shaunti? Prove it, bitch, by putting your twat where your mouth is. After you convert your skanky ass from hetero to homo, I will convert my skanky ass from homo to hetero. Give me a call when you're a carpet-munchin', vag-fistin' bulldyke—and bring the video, because I'm going to want proof—and I will give up ass-munchin', butt-fucking faggotry. Until then, shut your stupid fucking mouth.


I have to say I agree with the boy. And his words filled my heart with happiness.


Khash.

[tjwmason]

41. I wouldn't use quite the same vocabulary

but the sentiments are exactly the same.

How the f*** do they know that being gay is a choice?

[khashka]

43. But you are a nice reserved British boy

and I am an uncouth American. And Dan's mouth is even nastier than mine (imagine!)

But where does choice come into it? I always ask people who talk about choosing.... "Do you remember the day you made the choice to be heterosexual? What factors played into it? What were the arguments you thought about, considered, and believed that made you choose which gender to fuck? Would other, better arguments change your mind now?"

Idiots. I could forgive it as just idiocy if they didn't torture children.

(In case any one is mistaken - I'm not dissing nothingshocksmeanymore.... It was a barbed joke and well appreciated but recent events have made it pretty damn serious.)

(And by the way, tj, you can write the word fuck without serious consequences. The mods aren't that tight-assed. In fact most of them go overboard trying to be fair and reasonable)

Khash

[tjwmason]

44. Oh utterly reserved, and quiet and pure and innocent

as you well know.

Speaking of which - check you P.M.

Now I really must to bed, or I'll be very tired and crotchety tomorrow (which is today).

[khashka]

48. 'Night, babe

I did check my PM. I don't respond to you quickly all the time because I want to think about what I say before I say it. I don't want to fob you off with an off the cuff easy answer.

Patience is a virtue.


Khash.

[ulysses]

45. I thought you were a space alien.

:shrug:

;-)

[nickgutierrez]

47. Do you get a toaster for the second time? n/t

[henslee]

49. Did I mention my nickname is the lesbian-curer?

[Fleshdancer]

50. umm...I'm confused

does this mean you get a new toaster? Or does the original toaster get taken away from you and then given back to you? :shrug: Does anyone here have a copy of the bylaws?

[brack]

52. Toaster???

Is there any way a straight guy can score a toaster?? I need one, I'd even become a lesbian, or a former lesbian for it. Please advise. :D

[AuntieM1957]

56. looks like you caught a little of the old flip flop disease, too

OMG, you might even be, dare I say it..

are you, might you be, that dreaded L word?


A LIBERAL?????

[salin]

57. you know it was the

car hoods that prevented the solidification of the indoctrination of the far right to "make you straight."

Dobson is making threats against car hoods, as we speak.

:loveya:

[NMMNG]

59. Was it the Pat Robertson broadcast they forced you to watch?

He could turn any woman gay. ;-)

[Skittles]

60. STOP IT TEENA

:rofl:

[Heidi]

63. Cured of what? Believing in fundamentalist money-grubbing schemes?

That must be it, because homosexuality isn't an illness. :thumbsup: to nothingshocksmeanymore!

[peekaloo]

66. a lapsed Lesbian?

Backslider!

[YDogg]

67. Roll Tide!

War Damn Eagle!

[Wetzelbill]

70. oh that is too funny

:)

[ScreamingMeemie]

71. I would have really hated to put away my okra pot.

:hi:

[southlandshari]

73. I TOLD you not to tell anyone

what I did for a living, damn you!

Forget it folks - the waiting list for the camp is way too long to even think about getting in.

Sorry - you are doomed to a life of happy homosexuality. Glad to be of service!

;)

[Misunderestimator]

81. LOL!

:rofl:

;) Now stay away from my girlfriend! :P

[southlandshari]

84. I can't promise you that.

Look, darlin', I'm afraid I may have crossed over.....

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3924471&mesg_id=3926542

Lesbians - hide your women! I'm from Alabama, so I've got a LOT of lost time to make up for!!!

:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

87. Oh dear...

:scared:

[southlandshari]

88. ROFL!

:rofl:

Don't worry, darlin'! I was just kidding.

Well, about stealing YOUR girlfriend. Wouldn't do it to a friend. The rest of you...look out!

;)

[Dastard Stepchild]

77. soooo... I totally read the title as "sex lesbian"

And I had to come in to see what kind of camp actually exists to address that concern. Then I remembered I was in the Lounge, where things are never as they seem.
:crazy:

[philosophie_en_rose]

90. It reminds me of that episode of Will and Grace.

Where a bunch of gay men and lesbians go to a "ex-gay" support group to find dates.

:)