Barry Shirtsworth: I'm gonna pass on the forecast tonight!
Busy Martinez: < chuckles uncomfortably > I-I don't understand, Barry..
Barry Shirtsworth: Here's the plan - everyone at home can open their windows, stick their head out, and make their best guesses. 'Cause I, human punching bag Barry Shirtsworth, is taking the day off!
Darren Stark: Uh.. is there.. is there any reason for that, Barry?
Barry Shirtsworth: Oh, yeah, there is! And I will happily tell you that reason. The reason is: I'm not God! That's the reason! Here's how I know I'm not God - God doesn't have to come to work and listen to 200 messages every time he's off on the weather! Back to you, Bozos!
Darren Stark: That is a, uh.. pretty inappropriate choice of words, Barry.
Barry Shirtsworth: Wow. The guy's been here a whole week, and now he's the one who knows what's appropriate!
< Busy sighs >
Darren Stark: I know what's professional, Barry.
Barry Shirtsworth: Well, New Guy, try being the only one on the news team that has to predict the future! Wanna tell me if there's gonna be any murders tomorrow night? Any chemical spills coming up in the next week? You guys are jerks!
Busy Martinez: Well, let me make a prediction, Barry - this is probably your last night at Channel 13 News.
Barry Shirtsworth: This just in - I've been drinking. < holds up a bottle > In other news - you're the Devil!
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/04/04onews.phtmledit: link