american jokes

[sniffa]

in the future (i'd say 3 years from now) poLish peopLe wiLL entertain each other by teLLing "off-coLor american jokes" - but onLy after checking over each shouLder, to make sure no americans are within ear shot.

--------------------

q: how does an american absoLve himseLf of debt?


a: death.

---------------------

q: did you hear about the american who Lost his keys?


a: he invaded iraq to Look for them.

-----------------------

q: did you hear about the american who died in a house fire?


a: he couLdn't fit his big screen tv through the door.

-----------------------

q: how many americans does it take to screw in a Light buLb?


a: 1. he hoLds the buLb and aLL worLd events revoLve around him.

------------------------

q: how many armericans does it take to fix an eLection?


a: {REDACTED - CLASSIFIED}

-----------------------

[WCGreen]

1. funnnyyy

[Chovexani]

2. Way to bring the gallows humor dude

Hilarious, but depressing at the same time. Kinda like America these days.

[sniffa]

6. oh, i know

:scared:

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

3. thanks for the smile

:loveya:

[sniffa]

4. mwah

:loveya:

gLad you smiLed.

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

5. the past two days have been awful

:hug:

[sniffa]

9. very much so

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Kire]

7. why do you hate our freedoms?

and what should I say the capital L's mean when the people to whom I forward this reply and ask? (I forgot)

[sniffa]

10. because i am an eviL-DUer

[bicentennial_baby]

8. heehee

" he hoLds the buLb and aLL worLd events revoLve around him."

:rofl:

:loveya:

[sniffa]

11. ..

:loveya:

[bridgit]

12. _Actual writings from patient hospital charts:_

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. She is numb from her toes down.
12. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
13. The skin was moist and dry.
14. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
15. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
16. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
17. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
18. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
19. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
21. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
22. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

:rofl: hey wait a minute :scared:

[Clintmax]

13. LOL!

Those are classic!

"16. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid."
THAT procedure must have hurt!
:rofl:

[GOPBasher]

14. That shit is brilliant, Sniffa, but too damn true to laugh!

But :thumbsup: on making those up! They're excellent! :applause:

[sniffa]

15. thank you basher

Laugh then cry, then Laugh some more.

maybe i'LL put them in pamphLet form to seLL at the front of barnes & nobLe.

[sniffa]

16. sigh

what a gLoomy day.

[Trigger Hippie]

17. Today sucks.

I'm so depressed about New Orleans and about 20 different other things. Gloom, gloom and doom.....

Thanks for the jokes. :hug:

[sniffa]

18. i know

is your famiLy ok?

gLad you Liked the jokes. :)

:hug:

[Trigger Hippie]

19. Yes, they're fine.

Most of my family live about 100 miles west of NO. They were fine. A few extended family members in NO got out early. But, I'm still waiting to hear from a friend of a friend to make sure she is OK. I hope she is. :(

Edit: Thank you for your concern. :)

[bicentennial_baby]

20. awwwww

:hug:

[Hugin]

21. I've heard already the word "American"... Causes boisterous laughter and

eyerolling in some quarters.

:shrug: