How rude or crass was I?

[Floogeldy]

On a scale of 1 to 10?

I went to a convenience store and the guy behind the counter, about in his mid to late 50's, had a real high sounding voice. I mean REAL HIGH, as in possibly higher that Mickey Mouse, or as a woman with a real high voice. Of course, I noticed this because he was talking to customers, saying things like, "Anything else? That'll be $4.50. The ice is right outside."

As he was waiting on me, I said "What's the deal with your voice?" He replied, "I have a paralyzed vocal chord." I then said, "Well, bless your heart." Then I said, "Well, you're not in any pain, are you?" He shook his head and said "No." I said "Thank god." I told him to take care and left.

:shrug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

1. If I were him, I'd appreciate your honesty.

Answering a simple question is much easier than dealing with people that snicker or make fun of you without giving you a chance to respond.

I bet he hears a lot of comments and can't respond due to his job. However, you gave the benefit of your honest attention. I think that's worth something.

:thumbsup:

[Crazy Guggenheim]

2. You crass fucker ...........

J/K you know I am. I thought it was fine what you said!

[Floogeldy]

9. You grabasstic piece of . . .

:P

[Crazy Guggenheim]

10. Go over to this thread. IChing has declared martial law. Let's

kick some ass. :popcorn:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3955354&mesg_id=3955354


:popcorn: :popcorn:

[friesianrider]

3. I think it was pretty rude, to be perfectly honest.

:shrug:

I don't know why you felt the need to say anything. (?) If someone had a huge scar on their face, or was missing an eye, or had a deformed ear, or was handicapped...would you have asked "hey what's the deal with your scar/missing eye/deformed ear/wheelchair"?

I think it was pretty rude, personally, so I'd give it an 8 on your scale. It was nice you were polite and all, but it shouldn't have been commented on at all, IMHO. It probably took that poor guy years to get up the nerve to work somewhere he had to talk a lot to people.

[philosophie_en_rose]

4. It's pretty forward, but was it really that bad?

I guess I would feel better knowing that someone walked out of the store understanding my situation, instead of silently judging me. :shrug:

To Floogeldy: Did the guy seem offended to you?

[friesianrider]

6. No it wasn't "that bad" but it certainly wasn't real polite, IMHO.

It's just my opinion. I just don't understand why anyone would even make a point to ask. :shrug: I mean, it isn't like the guy is a doctor or something and wants to offer him some medical help for his problem.

I just think it's rude to even say anything, same as it would be rude to silently judge. I personally wouldn't judge at all, I'd just think "Huh...he has a pretty high pitched voice for a man" and not spend another second thinking about it. JMHO, of course :)

[Floogeldy]

8. I do not think your opinion is unreasonable

However, believe me, you would not have just thought "he has a pretty high pitched voice for a man." His voice is much more unusual than that.

:shrug:

[Floogeldy]

7. He did not seem offended.

He acted like he was shrugging it off, as if it doesn't bother him and he really doesn't care about it.

:shrug:

[blondeatlast]

13. See my post below for my sitch. It's easier to "shrug it off" than

to endlessly offer lessons in manners or bitch and whine--regardless of how much I want to.

I say nothing, but inside I'm hurt and damn tired of having to explain to those who ought to know better.

Edit: if you were someone I knew fairly well; coworker, friend, etc.--things would be different. But a stranger--no way should you ask.

[blonndee]

11. I have to agree, sorry. I know you probably didn't mean

it that way, but it was insensitive.

[friesianrider]

18. I agree with you.

I'm sure the OP meant nothing by it, honestly. Sometimes we just say things without thinking that come out pretty insensitive and/or rude/crass/whatever.

[blondeatlast]

12. I AM missing an eye, for the most part, although most don't notice

thanks to my hairstyle.

I'm DAMN offended by adults who stare and more so when they ask questions.

If it's your business, you'd know why I look like this..

I'm in 100% agreement here--it was terribly crass. And he's probably as sick of being asked about his affliction as I am about mine.

Thanks for respecting social protocols; there's a reason they exist.

:toast:

[Floogeldy]

14. Yea but . . .

. . . I wouldn't ask someone why they are missing an eye.

I'm not sure why, except to say that there are lots of ways for people to lose an eye. That I understand.

But this guy's voice is so notably unusual and unique, I just had to ask.

[blondeatlast]

15. Well, sorry, I can't excuse it. He's probably heard it a zillion times.

It's probably an emotional drain on him just as it is for me.

Minor drain, yes, but it builds up. Try to understand.

[Floogeldy]

16. I do understand how you feel.

Maybe moreso, now.

[philosophie_en_rose]

17. I didn't think of that.

You're probably right.

[friesianrider]

19. You're welcome...and hey, we've all got weird stuff about us.

Some of us have weird laughs, nasty scars, crossed eyes, strange teeth, strange noses...whatever. We've all got quirks, different skin colors, and handicaps and other things that are unique to each of us. I'd be lying if I said I never noticed these differences in others but that's about where it ends. I've always been one of those people that feels like if someone wants to explain something (that could potentially be a sensitive subject) to me, they will. Often it's a sensitive subject for the person, particularly if it is because of an illness (like losing one's hair after chemo) or a traumatic injury (like losing an eye or a hand).

I just think it's insensitive to put people on the spot for physical things that they clearly cannot help. I've no doubt the OP meant no offense at all, but this is JMHO :) It sounds like they're a good person who just said something innocent and thought twice about it later. We've ALL been there too! (I know I have!)

[Usrename]

5. I read a beutiful poem

But a story first. I get smokes at the little store around the corner. We call it the baggie-baggie store because the owners are persian I think. The other day I noticed a large scar on the guys neck. I immediately thought of O.J. and the columbian necktie. It was very old, so I had never noticed before. I just had to find out how he got that scar so I asked him. I had an operation he told me.