Should I take on more work hours even if it means less time with my kid?

[tjdee]

This would have been a poll if we weren't in Level 3...

Anyway, there is a possibility that I may be able take on more hours at work--to the tune of about $400 - $800 bucks (pretax) more a month.

But as most of y'all know, I'm a single parent. My immediate family (or, the people I'd feel most comfortable with watching my kid) is not in the area. I'd have to put my kiddo in daycare in the afternoon for 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours a day. Right now, we have the exact same schedule. When she gets off school, I'm home.

One of the things I was adamant about when I got pregnant was that I didn't want to be like so many single parents whose kids spend more time with daycare and teachers than with them. :( But $400 - $800 more bucks a month?? That's clothes, that's toys, that's bills, a buffer in case my crappy car breaks down... Am I being stupid for even thinking of not doing it?

on edit: I don't think I'll be able to cut down later. The hours maybe increasing because someone quit and they need someone to take on their work (very compressed story). I need the money, the money wouldn't just be a bonus, buying luxury items kind of thing.

I'm trying not to think about it because there's a possibility that this opportunity may not arise. Thoughts?

[JI7]

1. if it makes life overall easier

if you feel you are struggling financially right now i say take on the extra hours.

but if you are mostly comfortable just leave it as it is.

if you do take on the extra hours, do you have the option of cutting back later on without losing the job or anything like that ?

it's easy to say "money is not everything" especially if you have money. but it help in some cases, especially when you don't have much to begin with.

[tjdee]

3. I know. I just feel bad for the kid.

She's an only child, and the idea of her sitting around in the dark (in the winter it gets dark at 4:30 for a while) at daycare waiting for her mom to show up...

:cry:

It wouldn't be bad, though, is what you're saying? Not bad parent time?

[philosophie_en_rose]

9. It's not forever.

You feel bad enough. Don't feel guilty for giving yourself and your child security. You can always reduce hours or change jobs later, if you choose to increase your hours now.

1-2 hours per day is not so bad. Depending on her age, you could send her to an activity or a tutor or a playgroup with part of the money that you earn.

It sounds like it's going to be rough for you, but the bright side is that she can enjoy herself and she'll have wonderful things to talk about with you.

[JI7]

22. have you talked to her about it ?

i think it would be good to talk to your daughter about it even if she is young. how does she get along with other kids in school ? it might be more important for certain type of kids to have their parents there than others.

also someone else mentioned that if the extra money goes towards daycare then it wouldn't be worth it.

i guess you will just have to see what the future will be like if you did take on the extra hours. the gains and the losses and then decide if you think it's worth it.

but whatever you do it wouldn't be "bad parenting" since some people really do need the money.

[Droopy]

2. Well

If I were in that situation I would ask myself if I was doing ok now. You know, bills paid on time, little or no credit card debt, not really lacking anything. Do you have what you need? If the answer is yes I would continue on my current path. If no, then I would take on the extra work just long enough to where I'd be in a good situation considering your child. That's just me, though.

[tjdee]

4. Yeah--it seems kind of stupid to go thanks, but I'd rather keep worrying

about how much money I have.

Too bad I can't just conjure up a husband (that looks like Shah Rukh and Bono!). :silly:

[Droopy]

5. I'll marry you

But I'm afraid I don't measure up to Bono. I'm working on it, though. I hit the gym every day. One good thing is that I'm into clean living. I think that should help compensate for my oversized waist line. ;)

We could make it a marriage of convenience. Are you willing to move to Ohio?

[tjdee]

6. Possibly, LOL, but do you feel about Christians?

Very, very liberal ones who aren't irritating in the slightest?

Ohio is probably really cold though, hmm. We live near the beach! The beach is nice, huh? Huh?

:silly:

[Droopy]

10. Holy crap! I'm moving to where you are!

And I'm alright with Christians as long as they don't try to save me.

[tjdee]

11. But, it's the beach in NJ.

So there's that!

[Droopy]

13. Oh, hell

Yeah you're going to have to move to Ohio. New Jersey is just as cold as Ohio and the cost of living is about twice as high.

[xmas74]

7. If you need the money, do it.

Plan small things to do together when you get home (throw a blanket on the floor and have an indoor picnic for dinner, movie night, etc).
It's not the quantity, it's the quality.
From one single mom to another.

[flordehinojos]

8. the most important thing, i think, is you kid, the time that you put into

him and the quality time that you give him (or her).

It is a hard decision to make. I hope you'll make the one that will best for the two of you in the long run.

[hatredisnotavalue]

12. It's the quality of the time with your kids not the quantity

I have always held an at home job, newspaper reporter and then web designer, but even though I worked at home, I had to get the kids out of the house to get some work done.
If they spent the day at daycare, we would go out for dinner or we would spend time making dinner at home. I was there until they went to bed.
It is so important though for children to learn socialization skills early, day care and pre-school is actually good for kids as long as you give them your full attention when you get home.
If you are stressed out about finances, your kid will pick up on it in a minute. I would take on the extra hours.
My kids, are now 16 and 17, and are gone most days from dawn to dusk because of school and sports. Ironically any down time is spent at home hanging with their Mom.

[Darth_Kitten]

14. You have to do what you have to do.....

Don't feel guilty about doing what's best for you and your child.

Single parents have it rough, they have to balance so much, and still get too so much crap levelled at them by other people.

If you really need the money, then do it. :)

[leftofthedial]

15. NO!

NO! Don't do it.

It's never a good trade.

[Karenina]

16. Just a word from a mom

who spent 9 years a continent and ocean away from her boys, THERE'S NO RESET BUTTON. I hung in there when they were young and despite our separation, what I was able to do THEN has produced 2 very FINE men.

[jmm]

17. $400 - $800 isn't just clothes, toys and bills it's day care.

I understand parents have to make hard decisions sometimes but this doesn't seem worth. Most of that extra money will go to paying for day care and toys may be nice but your child needs you more. Unless your child is at the age where he or she would usually be spending the few hours a day after school at a friends house or some school activity like a sport I don't think you should.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

23. I agree...

Quality daycare is a huge expense...and of course you want quality care.

Consider this, too: After working extra hours, how likely are you to feel excited about playing with your child?

If you need extra money, maybe you could do something from home...something you could even involve your child with in some way that makes her feel important.

[NewJeffCT]

18. In the long run, the extra money may be a huge help

While you may not think so now if your bills are being paid on time, and you have little debt, but there are so many families - and not just single parent families - that are a lot closer to down times than they think.

If you can save some of that extra $400 to $800 a month now, it may pay huge dividends down the road - maybe one of your kids can afford State U instead of the local community college? Maybe you bring the kids to Disney World in 5 years instead of to a local amusement park?
Maybe you can buy a better car when the old car you have finally dies?

[bliss_eternal]

19. I don't have an answer or advice...

Just wanted to offer you a hug of support...(((tjdee)))

I think the fact that you are asking this question is a testament to the kind of mom you must be. It's wonderful that you are concerned about the quality and amount of time you spend with your son...

:hug:

You will make the decision that is best for both of you--let your heart and your head guide you...

Sorry I don't have concrete advice. I just think it would be inappropriate for me, with no children to tell you, with a child what even sounds like the right thing to do. Ultimately, I don't.

:pals:

[no name no slogan]

20. Just remember: nobody, on their deathbed, has EVER said

"I wish I would have spent more time at work".

If it will impact your relationship with your kid, don't do it.

[I Have A Dream]

21. What a difficult decision that you may have to make.

Someone else had a good point. How much of the money that you'll be making will have to go to pay for Day Care?

After that, my biggest question is would you still have weekends with your child? if it's "just" 1-1/2 to 2-1/2 hours an evening, you'd still have time together. Wanting to be there the entire time that she's home would be ideal, but I think that you also need to think of the needs of your child in reference to having some of the things in life that cost money, such as going on trips in school and having some spending money on the trip, etc. I speak from experience.

If taking this job would take you away from her more than the time that you mention, then I'd suggest that you not do it. However, what you're describing does not seem excessive and will greatly improve your material quality of life.

My final question is how you think that your daughter would feel about it. Does she often ask you for things that you can't give her because you don't have any extra money for even small treats? Would she be upset to be in the Day Care?

Good luck, tjdee. You remind me of my mother, who is a wonderful person. :hug: