Buddy: The Male Slave
Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (herogreenlantern@hotmail.com)
Cast:
Scott- Buddy Cole
Kevin- Buddy's slave
Mark- Announcer
Dave- Dr. Robert English
Mark V.O.: Today's the big day! The delivery you've been waiting for has finally arrived! It's the magic of catalogue living in the fifties!
Mark V.O.: Hello Mr. Buddy Cole! Don't you look swell?
Mark V.O.: Bring it right in, boys. Easy... easy.... there. Uh-oh. There's a COD charge. Not much though. Just seven cents. You'll just have to work an extra hour at the salon tomorrow. Bye, fellas. You've done a good job. Chalk up another one for the working man.
Mark V.O.: Meet your new Male Slave.
Mark V.O.: First, you'll need to brand him. Yeow! That smarts!
Mark V.O.: Then he'll need a few days to aquaintize himself to his surroundings. After all, he's just be separated from an international cartel of white slavers and so he'll miss the other slaves back at the harem. So be firm.
Mark V.O.: But remember, your slave needs lots of love and attention these first few weeks.
Mark V.O.: Oh... it looks like someone thinks that life can go on just the way it was before. That's when trouble happens... Uh-oh...
Mark V.O.: He won't do that again.
Mark V.O.: The next thing you'll want to do is train your slave. Every slave needs to know where to do his duty. Of course, there can be accidents.
Mark V.O.: That's were discipline comes in.
Mark V.O.: A well balanced diet is essential to a slave's well being.
Mark V.O.: But take care not to overfeed your slave, or else this might happen.
Mark V.O.: In order to keep your slave's muscles firm and functioning and to keep his coat glossy, make sure you give him at least two walks a day. You can use this time as an excuse to get out and enjoy some fresh air.
Mark V.O.: There's Mrs. Kessler with her new baby. Say hello, Mr. Cole.
Mark V.O.: These two obviously have a lot to catch up on. Let's leave them for a moment and talk about something a little more serious now. Here's Dr. Robert English to tell us more.
Dave: People who own slaves have been proven to live longer, have lower cholesterol and an overall sense of well-being. Research has shown that seniors can add years to their lives with a loyal slave.
Mark V.O.: Well, goodbye Doctor. Let's see what's happening with our friends back on Elm Street.
Mark V.O.: Oh, Mr. Cole! You've been so busy gossiping that you didn't even notice your slave slipping away. Bad 1950's homosexual stereotype!
Mark V.O.: Luckily for you slaves have a built-in homing instinct. Maybe if you spent more time playing with your slave and less time playing with yourself, he wouldn't feel compelled to act out in such an anti-social manner. An unhappy slave is a potential killer.
Mark V.O.: So, take the time each day to play with your slave. Remember; a slave treated with love and respect can live up to 73 years.
Scott: What?!?! I was told they only live six months, you know, like sea monkeys? Well, this one's going right back to the store.