Has anyone here seen The Aristocrats?

[OrlandoGator]

So, this guy, fresh off the streets of New Orleans, walks into a news producers office, the stink of shit and piss and dead bodies still stuck to his clothes, which he hasn't changed for about a week, and the producer sits him down, and says "Okay, so, tell me your story. Tell me why I should put you on the news."

And the guy goes "Okay, so, check this out. There's this government, right? They run one of the richest countries in the world, they have money, they have missiles, they have Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they have Survivor and they have Ryan Seacrest, Ryan FUCKING Seacrest, goddamnit, they have everything. And there's this city that has the world's biggest parade of titties and alcohol and nastiness, where every March it's like everyone gets naked and fucks in the streets and gets blind drunk all for these plastic beads and this jazz music and gumbo, right? and one day, a really big hurricane comes, and wipes this city completely off the fucking map, right? I mean, buries it, under water, under oil, under shit and piss and corpses, because this city is below sea level, so all the dead are interred in these like, filing cabinets for corpses and such, right?

"So this government, it knows this shit is all going to happen, but the people in charge, they'd rather watch Monty Python, they'd rather hang out with some Country Music guys, they'd rather play golf, and in the 2 or 3 days after this big hurricane buries this city, people run out of food, they start breaking into stores and such, they hide out on their roofs, and in their attics, and they basically wait for their government to come and fish them out of this watery hell.

"And by day 5 or 6, people are going batshit insane. Sporting arenas are filling up with piss and shit, and at some point, people started raping other people, people started shooting other people, people started stabbing other people, and then this government started locking people into these sporting arenas and convention centers while bodies floated down the streets, like in Frogger, right, when the frog would hop across the street on these logs, these were logs but like, human logs, in streets flooded with water, piss, and shit, and now dead bodies, and rotting meat, and fuckin alligators, of all things, Gators like on the Crocodile Hunter, and sea snakes, and babies were loading their diapers and crying and contracting diseases and looking like those kids in the Sally Struthers informercials, and old people were croaking in their wheelchairs, Just keeling over like "What has two wheels and flies," right? and people are drowning in their attics, and Wal Mart is trying to bring these people help, the Coast Guard is trying to bring these people help, Countries and governments all over the world are trying to bring these people help, and This government, right? It's telling people no. It's saying "Fuck you, Wal-Mart, why don't you bounce that smiley-face on down here and rollback some of these hurricane prices, why don't you rollback that oil cost, huh?" and they're telling the Coast Guard "the best you've ever done is that movie with the horseface bitch from Sex and the City and Bruce Willis, fuck the Coast Guard, where's your Top Gun, your Crimson Tide," They're locking this city up and making them wallow in the shit and the piss and the puke and the effluence and the oil and the chemicals and the dead bodies and the raping and such, and then finally, after 6 days, the government finally starts bringing trucks and buses in, and after 7 days, this government finally gets everyone the fuck out of this degenerate hellhole that makes you retch in your own mouth just to smell it, and then they blame the people stuck there for not being smart enough and rich enough to figure a way out on their own."

"Wow," The news producer says. "That's an amazing story. What the hell would you CALL this government?"

The guy smiles, snaps his fingers and says "The Aristocrats!"




- Props to Fatboy Roberts

[buczak]

1. kick

brilliant

[jbm]

2. great illustration!..n/t

.

[OrlandoGator]

3. Kick.

n/t

[OrlandoGator]

4. Kick.

[LTR]

5. Brilliant!

I like it!