Can you describe your last broken heart?

[RetroLounge]

the glass is full of a cool clear drink of ice water.

It is 100 degrees outside.

I am dying of thirst.

The water is all I can think about.

The water is beautiful and perfect to behold.

But I cannot reach the glass.

Those within reach won't hand it too me.

and the glass does not want me to drink it anyhow...

RL

[BlueIris]

1. No. It's indescrabable.

That's weird though, I was just thinking about it again this morning.

[knowbody0]

2. it hurt so bad the pain became exquisite

[RetroLounge]

4. the pain became exquisite

exactly...

RL

[hfojvt]

3. No, but Victor Hugo can

"We have already shown how Quasimodo was generally hated, for more than one good reason, it is true. There was hardly a spectator in that crowd but either had or thought he had some cause of complaint against the mischievous hunchback of Notre Dame. All had rejoiced when he made his appearance on the pillory; and the brutal punishment he had just suffered and the piteous condition in which it had left him, far from softening the hearts of the populace, had only made their hatred more malicious by furnishing it with a cause for merriment.
Accordingly, once the 'public vengeance' was satisfied, as it is still called in the legal jargon of the day, a thousand private revenges now had their turn. Here, as in the Great Hall, it was the women who were the most spiteful. They all had some grudge against him - some for his mischievousness, others for his ugliness. The last-mentioned were the most vehement."

[LaPera]

5. 24 years and the pain never quite goes away!

[RetroLounge]

9. 24 years.

yeah, I understand...

RL

[Wapsie B]

14. Yeah, I do too.

all too well...

[Chichiri]

6. It was brown and ugly.

I didn't want it anywhere near me.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

7. It's still WAY too near to reflect on that lucidly.

:cry:

[RetroLounge]

12. Yeah, it is hard to find words.

that don't sound insipid.

Not sure I can do it justice.

RL

[Sugar Smack]

8. It was a slow burn

that burned my face with embarrassment and disorientation and humiliation. It was wondering if I'd suddenly gone insane. It was looking around my nice apartment and all those objects I'd chosen to inhabit the space were mocking me. It was everyone suddenly speaking another language.

[RetroLounge]

10. "It was a slow burn"

mine is more like a ring of fire...

But my everyday life does mock me, yes.

RL

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

11. It was ripped out of me, stomped on, then shoved back in to heal itself

Took a LONG time, but it did eventually heal and is stronger than ever!

[RetroLounge]

13. Feels like surgury where they forgot to put something back

where it belongs. and the empty space feels permanent.

RL

[XemaSab]

15. Mine was was ripped out of me, stomped on, shoved back in,

and ripped out and stomped on some more by a crack smoking loser!

:cry:

[khashka]

16. A little too close to home

How could I love and hate so equally?

I searched the map of my heart to see where he had gotten lost.

When we died, I tried to bribe the undertaker, but he wouldn't accept it.

Can something so sweet taste so bitter?

Ratfuck bastard.

Khash.

[MissMillie]

17. No, but I can tell you

that I went from "heartbroken" to "pissed-off" very quickly

[RetroLounge]

20. Yeah, that is always there below the surface

but I do not want anger to show...

RL

[redqueen]

44. I never got pissed off...

To this day... all I feel is love...

:(

[NoSheep]

102. Now that is a pure love.

:hug:

[T Town Jake]

18. Never really had one till the day six years ago...

..my wife and I found ourselves sitting in a hospital lounge, with a doctor telling us that the patient in the next room was facing a real possibility of death.

I remember thinking about Wiley Coyote, with his ubiquitous ACME backpack, falling off a cartoonish cliff ten thousand feet up - and landing after a long, panicky, hysterical fall at the bottom of a lonely desert with nothing more than a little "pfffff!!!" of kicked up dust and powder. I'd probably read the metaphor somewhere (if so, I can't credit it), and it'd just occured to me at that moment.

But nevertheless: that's what it felt like. Every muscle jellied, every bone broken, lungs burst like water balloons on a hot patio deck, a stomach that seemed to have shriveled and puckered around a thousand-pound bowling ball, and this peculiar inability to focus on anything for more than a second or two - save what was going on in that other room.

The patient was our son.

Well, sorry to hijack your thread. You were talking about Romantic heartbreak, I understand. Shouldn't have weighed in with something that was palpably different.

But I saw it posted, and couldn't help myself: it was the truest moment of heartbreak I've ever experienced. And the memory of it still aches in ways that are impossible to express.

[RetroLounge]

19. Oh man, so sorry.

That is worse than anything romantic wise, that's for sure.

I felt that same thing almost 5 yrs ago when my 2 week old daughter spent 5 days in ICU with an unknown infection and sky-high fever and we were told she might not make it and they didn't know what was wrong.

So no problem with the hijack...

Was your son okay?

RL

[JimmyJazz]

21. I'm sorry.

I can't even begin to imagine. :(

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

25. bless you, T Town Jake. bless you.

[Ptah]

60. Mine also has to do with my son.

It's not life or death, but he's in prison, until Sept, 2009.

:cry: :cry:

[NoSheep]

104. My first heartbreak was also not a romantic one. And no romance ever

since could ever break my heart like the first. Heart break is not limited to romance.

[Shell Beau]

22. Being somewhere that is full of life but feeling

completely empty. That is how I felt when my brother died. There had never been more people at my house, yet I felt completely alone and empty.

[LSK]

27. alone and empty perfectly describes it

[bertha katzenengel]

23. It was a little death.

I left Southern California, never to return as a resident.

The death was leaving my family.

[no name no slogan]

24. Pearl Harbor

It was a sneak attack at dawn. I was unprepared and caught off guard. I recognized it right away for the treasonous act it was, and put up a good defense, even against overwhelming odds and firepower.

I was brought down for awhile, but soon came back better and stronger than before. Not only that, I know that I can survive a sneak attack and will endure, regardless of the outcome.

[RetroLounge]

26. Nice Metaphor...

RL

[no name no slogan]

67. Thanks-- it really is true to life

My ex-wife literally dropped the bomb on me at what was to be our first marriage counselling session. She basically said for her, the nine-year marriage was over, and she wanted out.

I was already an emotional mess, and this little tidbit sent me to the psych ward for a week. However, I got out, moved out of our house, and have been getting on with my life. I even had a dream about her last night-- which is very rare. In the dream, she told me it was over, and I was perfectly okay with that. No sadness, no resentment, nothing. We hugged, and wished each other well, and that was that.

Emotionally, I'm over it. Our lawyers are still fighting over the financial remains, but even that will be done soon enough. I've moved on, and am wiser because of it.

:)

[VelmaD]

28. It feels like there's a gaping hole in my chest...

where my heart used to be before someone scooped it out with a dull spoon.

It feels like there's a stone sitting on my chest and I can't draw a true, deep breath.

It still feels that way...I don't know that it'll ever go away.

[RetroLounge]

29. From experience, the pain dulls and recedes

but never really goes away.

Then again, right now it feels forever...

RL

[SaveElmer]

30. 1977...as the Minnesota Vikings

Ripped out the heart of every die hard fan...and choked for the 4th time...

[RetroLounge]

31. Ouch

that is harsh.

RL

[Xipe Totec]

32. Posted before in Poetry Forum

Compass of my life,

love that was never meant to be.

Dark beacon defined by absence,

lightning rod of powerless rage.

Guide of my life,

and focus of frustrated fury.

Absence that defines me,

background that marks,

a place I never was.

[Wetzelbill]

107. nicely written

[maveric]

33. My wife of 18 years up & left for an internet "soulmate".

We had, what I thought, was a great marriage. We hardly ever fought and were very close to one another. Then she had a painful knee problem/botched surgery and couldn't work for 2 years. She ended up spending 12 hours a day in Chat rooms where some asshole told her to run away from her responsibilities and come to him. She did, leaving me with 3 kids, a mortgage, and many bills.
While leaving she told me that she never really loved me. I was only in her life for procreation and financial support reasons. I was ugly, stupid and so physically repulsive that she never had an orgasm. The only reason she married me was because she felt sorry for me and she'd been waiting for years to find her soulmate and then leave me, and I should thank her for allowing me to be with her for so long.

She ran off to Canada, divorced me, married this guy, only to realize he was an abusive, drunken, wife beating, cheating asshole. She divorced him after 10 months of marital bliss.
Its been 9 years and it still hurts so damn bad!

[friesianrider]

75. Geez...

What a bitch! I'm sure it still hurts, but friend I think you're way better off for it. She sounds like a superficial flake.

I'm so sorry you wasted your good self on someone shitty like her :(

[WCGreen]

34. The Day George W. Bush was sworn in.....

[In_The_Wind]

35. I would rather not describe my last broken heart completely ...

It's taken years to stop crying every day.

So ... If I say "I loved him more deeply than I knew was possible." and "When we broke-up I wanted to stop living." would that give you an idea of the devastation that I felt?

[Sugar Smack]

37. Joani~

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

39. that does it

I'm just going to go cry ...

damn ... I should know better by now and stay out of these threads

[Sanity Claws]

36. Emptiness

I felt empty to the very pit of my stomach.
I felt used and wasted.
I hated myself and him.
Yuck!
Why do you want to discuss this?
It's awful. No more.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

38. I can't

:cry:

[KittyWampus]

40. My Intuition TOLD Me There'd Be Trouble

but I went ahead anyway
He was physically the healthiest looking guy I'd ever seen
Emotionally he was the most screwed up
And that's how we grow
He introduced me to Macrobiotics
I've come a long way since then

[Sugar Smack]

43. No. NO.

I am sorry. I am really, really sorry. :hug:

[skygazer]

41. Yes

But I'm not going to.

[RetroLounge]

88. Understood...

:hug:

RL

[redqueen]

42. It felt like a real home... a real place of comfort...

Something I'd never known before. Such happiness...

It was the most wonderful feeling ever... it felt soooo very good, so right... but I was pushed out of that place of comfort and joy.

I wanted it too much... and lost it too soon.

It still hurts to think about.

[RetroLounge]

45. Sorry for that Redqueen...

:hug:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

46. Milwaukee, sometime last spring.

You know the place.

You heartbreaker, you. :loveya:

[RetroLounge]

48. It was a night I will always cherish...

you've broken me and ruined me for all other women...

:loveya:

RL

[RevCheesehead]

50. "behold, the power of Cheese."

My little Gouda. :loveya:

[RetroLounge]

51. Thanks for a Cheddar Smile

:hug:

RL

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

68. Get a room, you two!!

;)

And... :hug:, RL.

[RetroLounge]

72. Hey Rev, meet you halfway at a roadside motel?

we can watch free HBO, maybe an Alec Baldwin Movie :D

RL

[RevCheesehead]

77. You're so vain -

wanting to watch yourself. Maybe we could find a place with mirrors on the ceiling? :o

[RetroLounge]

78. and 25 cent vibrating beds?

I'm all a-quiver...

Sweet dreams.

RL

[RevCheesehead]

80. g'nite, Alec.

:hug:

[RetroLounge]

86. Still awake. wondering why...

waiting for her to come home, or, well, just waiting...

RL

[RevCheesehead]

93. whatcha "doing?", Alec?

In some of my darkest moments, I kept music playing all night, and left the light on. It was comforting.

And if you can stand it, try some milk - slightly warmed in the microwave, to take the chill off.

And think of all the people here who love you. YOU! Yes, YOU! :hug:

[RetroLounge]

96. I'm gonna watch a DVD with my friend I think

The history of trains as told and sung by Johnny Cash.

Maybe have some warm milk and a cookie too.

Then stop feeling so pathetic and go to bed.

RL

[RetroLounge]

99. Thanks for the hug

and the Betty Page avatar. Hot!

RL

[bridgit]

47. sure, more than happy to = it sucked!!

so i shot the lying bastard with my crossbow after he'd come tripping back in upon his every debaucherous whim & leisure after a day & all night of amonitrate poppers, crack & sex with under aged boys x( yeah-yeah, my stomach was in a ball of ulcer riddled knots for months by that time, but the look on his face when i came so close as to pin the corner of his soiled boxers to MY wall was worth the price of admission

I've been looking at you looking me
Bet you're thinking that what you get
Is what you see
But underneath this cool exterior
A raging river flows
So before you get any nearer
I better let you know

I'm an emotional girl
I can't help myself
Sometimes I laugh
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I do both and I don't know why
I got a Passionate heart
And that's just the way things are
You and me could give it a whirl
But I'm warning you, boy
I'm an emotional girl

I like music that's loud and lights down low
I like driving my car too fast
And dancing slow
Some folks may say I'm too extreme
Cause I can't stop once I start
But I never could do anything
With half my heart

You and me could give it a whirl
But I'm warning you, boy
I'm an emotional girl

[RetroLounge]

49. Ouch, remind me never to do you wrong.

now back away slowly and place the crossbow on the floor...

RL

p.s. Damn, I love a woman with a telecaster...

[bridgit]

128. eh, don't worry be happy, it's all about the goodness...

these days :kick:

[RetroLounge]

130. Oooh, is that your Strat?

I'm a Les Paul player myself...

RL

[bridgit]

131. that's hubby's current guitar he has owned them all...

at one time or another however :hi: keeps talking about his les paul 'black beauty', you probably know what he means though; i do know enough to know...there's no sound like a les paul :thumbsup:

[RetroLounge]

132. Oooh, hubby has great taste!

Tell him I said so. I have that exact guitar, 1979 LP Custom Black Beauty with silver hardware. Even have the headstock diamond symbol tatooed on my left arm :D

Best guitar I've ever played, and I've owned many since then.

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

52. mine broke today

but as the result of breaking someone else's....and i feel more than horrible...it's like a black, deep pit over here. :(

[RetroLounge]

55. Oh, that is sad. I'm sorry for the hurt.

Mine is also today. and yesterday. And the past couple of months.

Uneven triangle...

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

57. yeah, i'm feeling pretty evil tonight

but for you, :hug: :hug: :hug:

[RetroLounge]

61. Thank you.

and also for you...

:hug::hug:
:hug::hug:
:hug::hug:

RL

[bicentennial_baby]

64. thank you, really

i just wish he knew that it destroyed me as much as it did him..sigh.

oh wait, i have a sighing smilie now!

[RetroLounge]

69. Been doing a lot of sighing lately myself

I keep thinking I'm getting too old for this shit...



RL

[Dastard Stepchild]

53. It will be 10 years ago in February 2006...

She and I had the most horribly awful relationship. But for whatever reason, we were utterly enamored with one another and could not keep away. It was a tempestuous, adolescent love that ended very abruptly when she shot herself in the head.
It messed me up for quite a while, but I am a very happy person now.

[RetroLounge]

56. "when she shot herself in the head"

really? Damn, that's harsh. Sorry...

RL

[Dastard Stepchild]

59. yeah...

She committed suicide. No note, no answers. Left everyone pretty baffled. My initial hurt, though, has been replaced with a few nice memories, and I'm really at peace with it.

[RetroLounge]

63. "I'm really at peace with it"

Glad to hear that.

RL

[AVulgarianHue]

54. Cannot; these come close..

Without you I'm a child who sucks
the vacant thumb of emptiness left
crying when he has not had enough
At the mercy of an empty room,
sing verses to some faded wall
confused about a simple thing as love

John Hartford

and REM, "Losing My Religion"

Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

[RetroLounge]

136. "Consider this The slip that brought me To my knees"

always liked this line...

RL

[last_texas_dem]

58. Like a tire with a very small hole in it

Very gradually, very slowly the air drains out of it until it's finally completely empty. That corresponds with how the hopefulness that I was once filled with very slowly drained out of me and left me almost completely empty. It was a very, very gradual heartbreak, because I was looking at things unrealistically, and it got harder as the truth slowly set in.

[RetroLounge]

66. Truth set in quickly for me.

as in "not gonna happen" but can we be friends...

RL

[SarahB]

62. An odd exercise in...

emotional masochism. A good person, but our attraction was a complete mismatch.

[RetroLounge]

65. Hey SB, nice to hear from you

"emotional masochism" sums it up really nicely for me.

It's a no-win, not even possible, never gonna happen, untenable situation, but I'm in it and it still hurts.

This thread has helped somehow. I feel less alone.

:hug:

RL

[u4ic]

70. Amputation without anaesthetic

Hurt like hell at the time, but it was becoming gangrenous.

[RetroLounge]

71. ouch

indeed.

RL

[ghostsofgiants]

73. Not the kind of broken heart story you're looking for, but...

When I was leaving on Tuesday morning to drive to St. John's, I put my cd wallet on top of my dad's car, because i needed to put something in the back seat. This was at about 7:00 AM, so I wasn't at full awareness. I forgot about the cd wallet, and we drove off. We had been on the highway maybe a half hour when I realized what had happened, so I called my uncle to go check along the first little bit of the highway, to see if he could find it. He did. as he was pulling off to the side of the road to try and get them, a car came by and BAM, hits the fucking cd wallet. I haven't seen it myself yet (I'll be getting it tomorrow) but I've been told the situation is pretty grim.

24 of my favourite cds, in all likelihood gone. That is heartbreaking. This only a few weeks after losing my entire collection that I had on my hard drive.

The music gods hate me.

[iconoclastic cat]

74. Mine's been shredded every day for weeks.

[RetroLounge]

79. Yeah, that sounds about right...

The good days are worse, I think, because I know they won't last...

RL

[friesianrider]

76. A taste of perfection...

Then just when you think "this is AMAZINGLY good" it gets ripped away.

*sigh* Everything I wanted and then some for such a short time, then all of a sudden it was gone. :(

[RetroLounge]

81. I never had the chance for AMAZINGLY good

just outside my grasp. just a sip. a small taste would be nice.

but I thirst...

RL

[friesianrider]

95. I was told "it's better to have loved and lost...

...then never to have loved at all."

I say bullshit! It fucking sucked to have a taste of everything I've ever wanted and needed and dreamed of in my entire life then have it gone just as soon as I got it. I'd rather never have known that my perfect person was out there...I just couldn't have him.

:(

[RetroLounge]

115. God, I hate that saying.

"it's better to have loved and lost..."

No, it is not.

RL

[HEyHEY]

82. Well, it'd go like this....

At any second I wanted to puke. The minute it entered my mind I wanted to throw up.
All caused, of course, by some kind of foriegn object entering my skull and crawling down my spine for the sole purpose of turning my stomach.
I spent most of the time cursing myself for fucking it up... which I did. God, the site of her was too much to bear, when would I make amends? It turned out never.

Bad description.

[RetroLounge]

84. Puking. yup. that seems to go with the territory

that and not eating at all.

Side benefit: I've dropped almost 20 pounds in the past month.

RL

[HEyHEY]

89. Fuck not eating...yeah that too

Dude, hope you get better that blows. Ther heartbreak makes you remember why you aren't with someone

[RetroLounge]

94. It's bound to get better.

or not.

Either way, my old vintage clothes fit again, and that's something.

RL

[Wapsie B]

83. I'm standing on the moon looking at the stars and the vastness of space

as the last shuttle flight back to the earth has left me behind.......feeling alone.....wondering if I'll ever get home again...

[RetroLounge]

85. "wondering if I'll ever get home again"

or if my home will ever be the same...

RL

[Wapsie B]

91. You got it my friend.......

[Graf Orlok]

87. Happened to me two weeks ago--Stabbing Westward lyrics describe it

from the song "Sometimes it Hurts"

Six o'clock in the morning
My head is ready to explode
I can't believe I made it home alive
I don't remember where I went or
What I was drinking
I know it made me sick
And I'm not denying
That I get this way
When I try to get over you
I get this way
When I try to get over you

Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love

I tried so hard to hate you
But it only makes things worse
I only end up hating myself
And as my hatred grows
So do the lies
It's hard to face the truth sometimes
God I feel so useless
God I hate myself
When I try to get over you
I hate myself
Will I ever get over you?

Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love

And after all this time you'd think I'd understand the way you feel
But no
I only think about myself
And it's driving you away
I always knew it would one day

Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love
Sometimes it hurts so much
To lose the one you love

:(

[RetroLounge]

90. .

:(

RL

[OzarkDem]

92. 26 years ago, still can't bear it

When distance and career make you lose the one you were meant to grow old with.

Life is never the same after.

[RetroLounge]

97. sigh

:hug:

RL

[OzarkDem]

103. Thanks

:*

[Pale Blue Dot]

98. My last broken heart brought me here.

Without my broken heart, I wouldn't have done the self-examination that I needed to do to be at peace with myself. Without that peace, I would have blown my chance at the love of my life, I'm quite sure.

Every mistake, disappointment and heartbreak I've ever had lead me into the arms of the one I love. Hopefully, the same will happen to you. Good luck.

[RetroLounge]

100. Nice thoughts

Thanks.

RL

[NoSheep]

101. It was many years ago. I was about 12. I grew up. And away. More savvy

and smarter than my own parents, who were married at 14 and 15 in 1948.
I think they stopped relating to me and it broke my heart. Abandoned? I'm okay today, but only because of $$$$ in therapy and a medication regimen for over 15 yrs now. My creative edge is gone. i finally had to succumb to the idea that I don't have the back-up kind of history required for a truly healthy self esteem. I'm a fighter. Like the "Hulk" I can't always control my impulses. But I do love life. No lover could EVER break my heart like that. Or get as close. I'll never know what it is like to have great parents OR a connection with a lover that is totally trusting. I'm not all that different from most. We all have our disappointments.

[Porcupine]

105. On the few days I see my children an eagle comes and tears

a piece of my liver out about every half hour. Other days the eagle relents and gives me 2 maybe three hours before tearing in.

She fit perfectly in my arms. She was my martial arts bride, my playful lover, and the mother of our two home-birthed daughters. The absolute center of my life.....had an affair with a co-worker (her "mentor teacher") and started shredding our marriage.

I was mysteriously ill (houshold mold) and unable to work. She ejected me, got a restraining order and told my girls I had abandoned them.

She told our "friends" worse things.

She married the prick after breaking up his family.

Some days I hate all women. I live in a college town and work with students daily. There are days I feel like the Taliban. There are days I feel I must be worthy of disdain and rejection. If I miss enough sleep and work hard enough I forget the pain.

Three years now......and the eagle tears again and again.

[RetroLounge]

119. "If I miss enough sleep and work hard enough I forget the pain"

Yes I understand.

And in my case, 2 packs of camels a day seems to help...

RL

[Wetzelbill]

106. Kinda like this

All I can say is that my heart aches for her.

BITTER WORDS

There she was, only twenty, a little lady
with chestnut hair, sauntering past my eyes
and a row of desks, a big, black belt around
her hips, the briefest glance jolts my lightning
crashing; the monsoon drizzles her bitter words

A Navajo poet - or what I imagined was one-
once called her “the petite girl who always wore
the white dress,” a static, thunder-filled dress by
its own merit, but I sing Blackfeet warrior songs
in my urban, desert shower about that cinched belt

Those torrential words! Swarming ubiquitous while
I empathize her life, leafing through courage, finding
similarities which may join us at those hips, drunk on
minute memories we salvage together, intoxicated by
alcohol I will never taste, storming electrical sobriety

A German Pikuni, and an American Jew, I may love
her for that reason alone; So what would Hitler, White
Calf, TR and Ariel Sharon think? Surely,“ why the hell
not?” If only she’d be foolish enough to fall in love with
a man who would give her an oppressed drunk of a child

Then the desert blooms like Browning, Montana,
festive, ripe as Indian Days in summer time, Yet
I’m squalled over by bittersweet rain; longing to be
gripped like her belt. That I could definitely handle!
I would capture those words to a reservation home

We could ride around in my ugly green reservation car
except that the mechanic sold it, because I never paid to
get it from his shop, How embarrassing for her; a raging
tempest speechless! Blushing from white trash indigenous
shame. But, she is accustomed to disappointment anyway

Still, she is endearing: feminist yet fragile, opinionated and
reticent, her words contrasting strength and vulnerability;
this is when she is at her sexy, enthralling best, making me
forget I swore off of white girls, since my friend married
one for a month that did not last until death tore them apart

“You’re too much,” she says. This bad boy who is not one;
her brilliant, acrid words scorching smooth like Thunderbird
Now, I’ll leave where there are no monsoons, tightly cinched
black belts, and the big powwow is over, I’m finished. Bitter.
Raining. Remembering the days I made her bitter words laugh

[Wetzelbill]

108. maybe like this too

the way it is

ugly
beautiful

nights up late when
streets buzz with homeless

a guy once cut a pimp’s ear off
tossed it in an apartment complex laundry room
To rot like the hurt he brought on his whores

crying

aching

the smile of a child on a bus
coloring innocence in her face
and her mother cannot pay her bills

this old Hispanic man with a walker
who hobbles like someone’s dad

there are moments when even the youngest become old
and the happiest among us become wrought with grief
stung by tears so great the pain is ingrained in our bones

oblivious
conscious

the world is so indifferent
the world is so ignorant
the world is so full of hate

I want it to be better
I do not think it can be

at least not most of the time

some kids have a better chance
at prison then a high school diploma

there is the mobility myth that tells
us we have won the lottery by
being born in a certain country


nobody I know has cashed in

I fuck the same person every morning in my imagination

without touch
without feeling
without mercy

sometimes there is so much emptiness
that nothing you can do will ever fill it

alcohol
drugs
food

an addict sweating out meth beads
months after she has gone clean
sweeping them off her sheets every morning

incognizant
cognizant

women make more money then men
in the porn industry
which is about the only field they do

raging
calm

there is no way to measure the regret
that has built up over the years of our lives

no way to understand why it has

the clock ticks 3:33 am
and the diner is open

late night coffee
permeates the air

we are so indifferent
we are so ignorant
we are so full of hate

I wish that things were fair
nothing more or nothing less

Lincoln should have let the South secede

Washington should have admitted to
telling a lie just to get it over with so
we would not expect that fucking much

I am not sure what to do
or how anything will turn out

right or wrong
or nothing or neither

only this is more the beginning
than the end

[CaliforniaPeggy]

109. Both of your pieces are wonderful,

my dear Wetzelbill...

Thank you for them....I'm going to bookmark this thread so I can re-read your stuff...

And everyone else's too...

You are a most remarkable man...:loveya:

[Wetzelbill]

110. I have my moments

:)

You know I could just send you some of my stuff if you want. :)

You are a most remarkable woman.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

117. MY dear Wetzelbill....

And you are a most remarkable man...I'd love to have you send me some of your stuff...

PM me the details..and we'll do it. OK? Thanks...

I'll be back online in a little while...

[RetroLounge]

120. Nicely written, thanks...

RL

[redqueen]

137. Thanks

for sharing both of those...

:hug:

[AtomicKitten]

111. Holding my 16-year-old cat while she was euthanized.

End-stage renal failure. Although my vet tried to tell me it was the most loving thing I could do for her, it sure as hell didn't feel like it. Now six years later when I think of her I remember I'm never going to see her sweet face again, and my heart aches.

[RetroLounge]

113. I still feel the same way about my dog Nikita

She was 13, and we put her to sleep 3 years ago and it still hurts.

RL

[KitchenWitch]

112. Hmm

It was as if an icy blade entered my chest. The cold radiated from my heart, throughout my body. It was as if there were not enough blankets in the world to warm me back up, from the cold that dwelled in my heart.

[RetroLounge]

114. and eventually you forget what warmth feels like.

:hug:

RL

[KitchenWitch]

135. yes

exactly!

[Misunderestimator]

116. Someone else spit in my glass the last time.

[RetroLounge]

121. sounds about right...

RL

[miss_kitty]

118. yes

I've been abandoned by 'Hide Thread'. I had no idea how in love I was with 'Hide Thread' until Hurricane Katrina took 'Hide Thread' away.

Curse you Katrina! My heart is so broken!

[RetroLounge]

122. But at least our Avatars are back!

it's the small victories that add up...

RL

[NNadir]

123. The death of my father.

I knew it was coming for years - he'd been dying from Tobacco since I was a little boy. And still, when it came finally, I was in no way prepared.

It's been 12 years since then, and whenever I think of him, what a fine father he was, I cry. I am crying now in fact.

He is always with me though, in the sense that now I am a father myself, everything he did guides me.

[RetroLounge]

124. I have that to look forward to in my future...

They are getting up there in years.

"He is always with me though, in the sense that now I am a father myself, everything he did guides me"

That is a nice thought, as I try to be a good father myself.

RL

[PittPoliSci]

125. a persistent nauseous feeling.

it plagues me. last night, all of my friends were having fun, and I was left working. when i get off, nobody wants to do anything, or everyone's already drunk. i miss my girlfriend. my only solace was finding recordings of my old bands and trying to scan through them for decent takes to be released on an anthology, all the while i can't shake that sick feeling. it seems lately to me that everyone in college with me does nothing but have fun, except for me, because i have to work about 5 days a week, and when i'm not doing that, i'm doing school related stuff.

[RetroLounge]

134. "a persistent nauseous feeling"

with bouts of total panic...

RL

[Bobby_Miller]

126. Agony.

Well, it kind of felt like I would imagine having open heart surgery would feel. Except instead of scalpels the doctors were using shards of glass from broken beer bottles. And instead of anesthesia, they filled the mask with truck exhaust. And after they shoved rock salt into the wound, they sewed it up with barbed wire.

Hurt like a son of a bitch. But that was a few years ago, so it's just a scar now.

[RetroLounge]

127. "so it's just a scar now"

yes, the invisible scars seem to build up over the years...

RL

[Tikki]

129. Even when you do the absolute correct thing....

...even when it is crucial that the decision to do so be made quickly with no turning back...

....taking down someone and exposing the truth about them was a heartbreaking, wrenchingly painful experience.




Tikki

Advice I kept at heart...."Keep your eye on the prize"

[RetroLounge]

133. But the absolute correct thing does not always

reveal itself clearly...

RL