My daughter's father keeps calling my house.

[xmas74]

He hangs up as someone answers. The number shows up on the caller id. I wonder why he is calling?
Not a good sign.

[cally]

1. That's weird

I assume your daughter is with you. Can you call him and ask what's up?

[xmas74]

4. Not while she's awake.

He has refused to have contact w/ her since birth so something is up.

[yewberry]

2. Can you call him back

and just say, "Hey, thought you should know: we have caller ID?"

[xmas74]

5. He probably knows.

He's not supposed to have the phone number (court order and all).

[yewberry]

10. Cripes.

You have his number, though--can you block it?

[xmas74]

16. Yes but I never had to before.

[raptor_rider]

3. Scary!!

How long has it been? I know I would totally freak if my daughter's father called, being that he hasn't seen her since she was 8 months old, and she just turned 8. He was a abusive freak and the last time he saw her was a "supervised" visit with his mother being the "supervisor" and when we got her back she was covered with red welts, nail gouges, and scratches. She did not trust men for over 2 years after that. He hasn't seen her since and has never tried. Not knowing your story and not knowing how long it has been, giving my experience, that would totally freak me out!

[xmas74]

7. he has refused contact w/ her since she was born.

He's seen her twice and both times by accident (just in passing. I was once at the same gas station as him and the other time being I was at a restaurant that he walked into. He turned around and left.)

She's five now.

[raptor_rider]

11. Oh, I am so sorry

to hear that. From what I have read (have been a lurker for a long time) it seems that she is much better off. To me, I would be frightened by his calling and hanging up. If this continues and you feel frightened, I would consider a restraining order to be put into affect. Beings that caller-id is a source of proof that he is calling.

[xmas74]

18. There is one.

And I'm staying w/ my parents so I don't think he'll do too much.

I think he finally feels guilty about how he's treated her. That or someone showed him a pic of her.

[raptor_rider]

42. That is good

that you are staying with your parents and you are not by yourself in this. Now what you need to question, in your heart, with all that has happened, his non-involvement with your daughter; Do you feel that it is wise for a meeting between the two? With my situation, I would never subject my daughter to that. However, your situation is different and maybe, just maybe, that it would do her some good? Or do you think that it would just cause more hurt? Before I met my husband, (wonderful man that he is, will be adopting her once the state will let us. have to be married 2 years before that can happen.) my daughter's father figures were her Papa (my dad, total papa's girl! :) ) and her uncles. She never lacked in the "father model" area. How would you feel about her meeting her father, and how do you feel how it will affect her? Hope you do not get me wrong, I am not flaming here. I just want to know your feelings on this. Since you have been the one that has been raising her and know her and the situation best.

[xmas74]

43. No meeting until she is much older.

She's not ready, even though she asks about him often.
I can't trust him around her.

[raptor_rider]

45. Ok

that is great. You are great mother. Just follow your gut instincts and it will lead you in the correct direction. :hug: for the troubles you are having right now, however, you are doing what is best for your daughter. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will have the best child, and she will be the best, leading from example, her mother.

[xmas74]

46. thank you.

[raptor_rider]

47. You are very welcome

need someone to talk to or have any questions, just feel free to pm me or anything. :pals:

[xmas74]

48. thanks.

as you can see, I'm a regular on this board. My inbox is always open.

And welcome to DU. I don't know if I've welcomed you before or not.

[raptor_rider]

50. No problem

sweetie, no problem. I am here if you need me. :pals:

[DS1]

6. Drunk?

[xmas74]

8. Probably stoned.

Or trippin' on acid.
That was his previous M.O. He used to like acid alot.

Maybe he feels guilty?

[skygazer]

9. Report it to the police

They will set you up so that every time he calls, you can alert them. After three calls, he can be cited. At least, that's how it works in Vermont. If you've got a court order against him and if he's making hang up calls, no good can come of it. For your daughter's sake, I would report it. It can do no harm and may do some good. :hug:

[xmas74]

15. I'm calling a friend after she is asleep (police officer)

[tjdee]

20. Good idea.

If he's not supposed to have the #, he's not supposed to have the number.

Of course, then I'd go nuts wondering where he got it from, and whether he had to put forth any effort at all into getting it, and whether he felt bad or not.

But then I'd conclude he's a punk. :silly:

[xmas74]

32. check your pm's in a minute.

[FuzzyThinker]

12. Maybe he decided he wants to see his daughter ,

he feels guilty , and gets scared everytime he tries to call so cuts it short and hangs up.

it's a possibility.

[tjdee]

17. That's what I think, but what kind of man is that?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Meanwhile, he keeps hanging up. So who cares what he's thinking?

:shrug:

But, LOL, I do agree though.

[xmas74]

21. I still think it's child support related.

he's an ass.

[tjdee]

25. Did you recently fill out some paperwork?

Or is it more of a 'he got drunk and probably decided he doesn't like paying child support' thing'?

[xmas74]

28. I lost my job last week and filed for state aid.

Food stamps, stuff like that. He probably got a letter in the mail-maybe they are raising the amount now.

Of course, the wifey now doesn't like the money leaving her pockets. she likes to take alot of trips.

[DawgHouse]

49. Maybe it's not him that's calling

Maybe it's her.

[xmas74]

19. That or he doesn't want to pay child support.

I'd go for the second option first.

[tjdee]

13. Oh, I see your daughter's father is as cool as mine is!

But you know what mine does, he visits the website I made for her.

He's too much of a punk to call the house and actually *talk* to her.
I think that in these cases, it's that they feel bad, and sometimes they feel like hey, they have a kid! So they attempt some sort of weird contact but chicken out because they're punks. Plus, they're too stupid to know we have caller ID and site counters/trackers?? Duh!


At least mine isn't calling and being annoying though.

[xmas74]

23. I think it's child support.

He's married now. Wife has been bitching for a year or so about support (I know people who know him). Probably wants to be completely off the hook.

Not gonna happen until I get a good job.

[tjdee]

29. That chaps my ass....

You know, the wife should keep her mouth shut. She is not involved AT ALL. This is the hugest pet peeve of mine ever, wives who get involved with child support issues. All the time on talk shows there are these two women going at it about this, and the man is sitting there drooling and going duhhhhhh..... She should really have nothing to say about it.

And he should be paying child support. It is his child, after all, duh! (Umm, even though mine isn't paying any, but I digress. :blush: )

[xmas74]

31. He pays when the state makes him.

He might have gotten a raise at work recently or something. They would increase his support since I applied for aid last week if he got a raise.

I really suspect it has something to do w/ that.

[tjdee]

34. I think you're right.

Especially since you're said you filled out some stuff...man, screw him.

If the wife is so pissed off, if he is sooooo pissed off, they need to talk to their congressman or something, LOL!! Maybe you can answer the phone and give him the number!

[xmas74]

39. We have the same congressman.

And the congressman likes me (since he's a Dem I've met him because I've worked on his reelection campaign. Small area but he knows many of the Dems around here who have done campaign work).
I'll give him the DC number but won't do him much good. I don't know if the congressman is even back at work right now(wife recently passed away).

[FuzzyThinker]

37. Can't you keep his raise for him! after all he has his wife....

to support !

[xmas74]

40. Or his wife supports him.

Everything of value is in her name-house, car, etc so that the state can't touch it.

[BamaGirl]

14. Weird

I'd report it too, like skygazer suggested. :hug:

[xmas74]

24. Will later tonight.

[proud patriot]

22. maybe he's in AA and making the amends calls or something

:shrug:

[xmas74]

26. Not to my kid.

She doesn't even know him. He'd scare her if he spoke to her.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

27. Keep track of these calls and document everything

I used to negotiate protection from abuse orders, and we always counseled our clients to document, document, document. Write down the date and time of each call. Be vigilant - it may be harmless, but you need to keep an eye on things (not trying to scare you!) If he starts e-mailing you or anything, keep those, as well.

[xmas74]

30. He doesn't know my email addy.

I wrote down the date and time of the call.
I've heard that he lurks these boards sometimes since a friend has mentioned that I post on here. Maybe he's reading the posts?

I don't really care if he does read them.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

33. Just keep an eye out, okay?

Again, not trying to scare you, but I know how insane people can get. What does your restraining order say - what's your recourse for any violations?

[xmas74]

36. I am supposed to report all actions to the police.

Been awhile since I looked at it. It dealt more w/ him making physical contact (he was not a nice person before). I do know that around here they would have to catch him in the act for the most part (at least that's what they used to say).
I think someone gave him the number since he's not known for calling(he used to drive up and spy instead).

[BlueIris]

35. I was just going to post this, but I see the rest of DU has beat me to it.

Document away, xmas74!

[xmas74]

44. thank you.

[Mick Knox]

38. um, u might need a restraining order, that is strange!

[xmas74]

41. I'll see what happens.

I've got one but I really kind of want to hear what he wants (just to prove a point).

[OldLeftieLawyer]

51. Let him explain what he wants ..........

..... in court, since he's violating a court order just by calling you.

Here's some free legal advice - take it for what it's worth:

1. Don't call your friend, the cop. Call the cops right now and start the record. This is very important.

2. Call the phone company and find out exactly how they treat harassing calls. It varies from state to state, but in most states, there is a procedure: you dial a certain code after each of his calls, and this is recorded at the phone company headquarters. That's the official records of his actions.

3. Regardless of how curious you are, do not talk to him. You would be making a huge mistake. You have no points to prove, and you'll only make the situation worse. Trust me on this one.

4. Keep your wits about you at all times, because if he knows where you are, it's possible he'll also be watching you.

5. Get on it right away.

6. Good luck.