So if happiness is a choice, how do you choose to be happy?

[Wapsie B]

Just wondering......
I know there are many people who've gone through some terrible circumstances and still seem to be able to put a smile on their face and bounce back. How do they overcome?

[skygazer]

1. Difficult question

I don't know if it's the happiness itself that is a choice but the way you view the world and your life IS a choice. I actually addressed this recently with my sister - admittedly she's had a lot of rough times in her life and it's left her as an extremely negative person.

However, I too have had a rough life - perhaps rougher although you can't really compare people's traumas. They are personal and unique.

At any rate, we have chosen to view our lives in very different ways. She has chosen to view herself as a victim always, to perceive the world as almost having a vendetta against her. She not only sees the glass as half empty, she suspects somebody purposely dumped it out just to fuck with her. She feels entitled to people's sympathy and help simply because she's suffered.

I, on the other hand, have chosen to look at my life as a series of lessons. From being beaten by my ex husband, I've learned compassion for battered women, from my struggles with drugs and alcohol, I've learned compassion for addicts, from poverty, I've learned how crippling that can be. Etc. I've chosen to accept that my life has been the way it has been and I can't change that - however, I can learn from it. Largely because of that, I think, I've been much happier than my sister.

So if I haven't exactly chosen to be happy, I have chosen to be optimistic which has made me happier. Does that make any sense at all?

[Wapsie B]

2. Yes it does.

"I, on the other hand, have chosen to look at my life as a series of lessons. From being beaten by my ex husband, I've learned compassion for battered women, from my struggles with drugs and alcohol, I've learned compassion for addicts, from poverty, I've learned how crippling that can be. Etc. I've chosen to accept that my life has been the way it has been and I can't change that - however, I can learn from it. Largely because of that, I think, I've been much happier than my sister."

I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I know there are people like you who've been through hell and survived. With me I have my goals but I end up focusing on what I don't want to the point I feel like I'm living the exact opposite of my desires. I need to find a way to focus on what I DO want.

[SocratesInSpirit]

3. That's a really cool way to look at things...

I've been doing some personal "housecleaning" and am slowly coming to the same conclusion, that life is a series of lessons to be learned from...I look back on some difficult times and realize that while it was horrible and awful to go through, it was for the greater good that it happened because it taught me something important.

The question I have is, why does learning these things have to be so painful, dammit? :)

[LynneSin]

4. Music has always brought me out of the sad times

When I'd sad I usually know the right song(s) to play and next thing you know I'll be smiling & dancing.

It's always helped me to deal!

[sendero]

5. Lincoln said....

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be".

Anyone paying attention will quickly note that a person's happiness level is totally unrelated to any objective evaluation of their life's condition :)

[nytemare]

6. They have to find joy in little things

A song, a smile, a sunset, a full moon, a phone call from a friend. If you cannot find joy in little things, I don't think it is possible to be happy.

I think, too, a lot of people who have had rough lives just know how to handle the stresses better than, shall we say, folks like *. If, from a young age, you are presented with challenges, I think it makes it easier to cope with them as an adult.

[GOPisEvil]

7. May I recommend a book?

"The Art Of Happiness" by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. :)