"The ice-cream truck in my neighborhood plays 'Helter Skelter.'"

[Bossy Monkey]

What's your favorite Steven Wright line?

[TK421]

1. If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

That, or "I had a quicksand box when I was little,now I'm an only child"

[dr.strangelove]

2. There's a fine line

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

[dr.strangelove]

3. too many to list

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven_wright.html

[jus_the_facts]

4. I was walking down the street wearing glasses when....

....the prescription ran out. :7

[underpants]

5. I had a light switch in my apartment that didn't turn anything on or off

I would just stand there and flick it up and down. Finally the phone rang, it was a lady in Madagascar she said "CUT IT OUT!"

[underpants]

6. Everything is within walking distance if you have the time

[jus_the_facts]

7. "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

:D

[arwalden]

8. But Seriously...Our Neighborhood Ice Cream Truck Plays CHRISTMAS CAROLS!!

Ack! Every single day... the same fucking song... a plunky, plinky, over-amplified, out of tune "music box" style version of "Jingle Bells".

[Bossy Monkey]

19. Heeeeey! Isn't this what you said the last time I started this thread?

We're starting to repeat ourselves, Allen. So sad. (Edit: I can't find any evidence of this via Advanced Search, so maybe my memory's playing tricks on me. I'm not going to do a line-by-line search of DU1, though.:))

Think of it this way; it could be "Tubular Bells."

[arwalden]

22. Perhaps... I Don't Remember. It's Very Likely...

... this not-remembering thing seems to be happening more and more these days. My memory often plays tricks too. Hmmm.

:hi:

[johnnie]

9. Mine is

A Friend and I were talking... oh wait, that wasn't me.

[AllegroRondo]

10. I have a map of the United States thats actual size

it takes me forever to fold it.

[jus_the_facts]

11. "I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."

:D

[tjwash]

12. Today I...........No, that wasn't me.

[DelawareValleyDem]

13. The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven

I almost went back in time

[kwassa]

14. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

[KyndCulture]

15. I wanted to make some instant water, but I didn't know what to add.

[gizmonic]

16. "..Breakfast any time...So I ordered French Toast from the Renaissance..."

:rofl:

[gizmo1979]

17. bought a cordless extension cord.

[HawkerHurricane]

18. My neighbor has a circular driveway.

He can't get out.

[Draill]

20. I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. n/t

[RedCloud]

21. You can't tell I was Cesarean born. But I use the window when I leave.