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[HawkerHurricane]

Don't be silly. This is a case for METAPHORE MAN.

Faster than a sleeping pullet.
More sorrowful than a loco's motive.
Able to leap to tall conclusions in a single bound.

Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Metaphoreman!

Yes, it's Metaphoreman! - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Metaphoreman! - who can change the course of almighty logic, bend truth with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Can't, mild mannered distorter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never ending battle to distort Truth, Justice and the American Way