There was a possum in my kitchen last night.

[Z_I_Peevey]

My teenage daughter was asleep on the couch, feeling a little under the weather. I couldn't sleep so I was at the computer. I heard pots and pans clanging in the kitchen, so I assumed the daughter unit had awakened and was making a snack. Time passed, the clanging continued. I got up to investigate.

Now there's a curtain hanging between the den and kitchen, and as I pulled it aside, what should I see but the biggest, ugliest possum EVER sitting contentedly atop the dirty dishes in my sink. Just staring at me. I was bumfuzzled, as this is a situation I had never faced before.

How in the hell did he get there, I thought. My razor-sharp powers of deduction activated, I figured Possum had come in through an open window that houses a box fan, and if I made sudden sharp movements, he would dart back out the window from whence he came. So I advanced, juked him a couple of times. He stared at me some more, then leisurely strolled over to a spot behind my toaster oven and sat his possum ass down.

Perhaps the fan scares him, I thought. So I went to the window, snatched the fan out as quickly as I could and waited for Possum to make his exit. I'm about two feet away, and I noted his claws and teeth. I decided to retreat. Possum continued to sit and stare at me. (Now, the only possums I have encountered have been outside, and they tended to dart about rather quickly. This one, not so much.)

I finally decided to take a more agressive approach. Grabbing a length of plastic pipe, I advanced toward the toaster oven. I started to to jab Possum in the butt. He resisted. I went to a two-handed baseball-bat-holding posture. We struggled. Possums have more muscle mass than you'd expect. I finally won the contest, sending Possum out the window and, I hoped, out of my life forever. But no!

As I craned to look out the window, what did I see but little possum paws a-clinging to the aluminum frame of the window. And still, his little possum eyes were just a-staring at me.

So I shut the window as fast as I could and went immediately to bed. Possum was gone this morning. I wonder how long he hung there.

I just thought you guys would want to know all this.

[hyphenate]

1. Possums are not dangerous

she might have been trying to feed her younguns. They try to look scary, but they won't strike back except to defend themselves. Their claws do look gnarly, but they're more bluff than brawn. It's part of the reason their main defense mechanism is to play dead.

Glad you got it out safely, though!

I had a bat in the house the first year I was here, back in October, 2003. The cats were fascinated by it as it kept circling around the kitchen light. Finally got it into the back bedroom and left the window open. He was gone in the morning. One expert said it likely was a youth who had temporarily lost its way, and that opening the window was the best strategy to have followed.

Wildlife is fun, isn't it? :D

[supernova]

2. Might have been old or ill

if he wasn't so spry or eager to leave.

They usually don't like to make contact with humans. Funny story though. :D

The only thing you have to worry about is if they're rabid. But from your description, this one doesn't sound so.

I live out in the country and if you leave your pet's dish out around here, possums usually come to share.

[Z_I_Peevey]

3. My daughter says now we have real redneck credentials.

I'm used to wildlife (I'm on the edge of cliff in heavy woods), but this was something new and different.

[RevCheesehead]

7. Not really...

If you were a REAL redneck, you'd have shot the possum, skinned it, and had it simmering for dinner today.

I once visited an elderly man during my summer church internship in NC. He proudly showed me his freshly killed and cleaned possum, sitting in the kitchen sink. He also asked me if I'd like to stay for dinner. :)

[dbt]

11. Modern Rednecks generally eat Possum as a last resort.

WAY much fat in them critters--and they need saltwater-soaking to lose the gamey taste.

Remember New Orleans

[Z_I_Peevey]

18. My maternal grandmother,

who looked at lot like Granny Clampett, told me how to cook a possum. It is a delicacy I have never tried.

[radwriter0555]

4. Awww next time just use a broom to guide her gently towards the window,

she was just checking the joing out, seeing if you'd made her a snacky.

Possums are completely harmless and really stupid. You could also have just as easily picked her up by her tail and gently set her on the ground outside the window.

With a cracker for her efforts.

Just love em, cute as can be.

[bliss_eternal]

16. They're so stupid, I feel badly for them...

I sometimes see their smashed bodies in the road here. I guess they run out into the street and the car lights either confuse them or blind them, either way--they get hit. Poor things.

I don't like looking at them, as animals they frighten me.They are scary looking creatures, to me. But I don't like to see animals die like that...

:cry:

[radwriter0555]

33. They are very stupid and slow, and not hostile creatures either. They're

creepy looking, and the only mammal in the US with a pre-hensil tail AND they're one of the few US critters with a direct lack of evolution; they're basically a pre-historic critter.

They are also marsupials, and I believe the only marsupials in the USA as well. The babies are very cute.

[bliss_eternal]

19. But wouldn't she, or couldn't she bite if you tried to pick her up?

:scared:

[radwriter0555]

32. Nah, they can barely see.. they're very nearsighted and can't reach their

butts when they're hanging upside-down, besides.

If you move calmly and swiftly, they just lay there and hang out.

It's pretty funny.


All they can do is bare their teeth, they don't attack or try to bite. Their teeth are tiny and delicate, very fine, for crunching up yummy snails and mashing worms and slugs.

[crispini]

5. Possums are cool...

but when they do that hissy thing, it's pretty scary!

[giant_robot]

6. LOL! I think you have a possum stalker!

Be on your guard! Every time you leave the house there'll be a pair of beady little eyes peering at you from behind a bush waiting, just waiting. And, when the time is right - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday - the possum will make his move! Possums who cling to the window after being unceremoniously tossed out are tenacious bastards!

[SIU_Blue]

8. I would like to commend you

on your writing ability. Hilarious.

:rofl:

[I Have A Dream]

9. I agree! I loved the 'possom ass' part!

:rofl:

[SIU_Blue]

13. yes,

that was my favorite part as well, have you looked into, or are you, a writer Z_I_Peevey?

[Z_I_Peevey]

20. Thank you kindly.

Yes, I have collected a paycheck for writing, but that was long, long ago.

[bliss_eternal]

17. Welcome to DU, SIU_Blue!

:hi:

[SIU_Blue]

26. Thanks,

I'd been lurking for too long, so i figured i should join up!

:hi:

[bliss_eternal]

30. Glad you did...!

:D

[hfojvt]

10. there's a rat in the kitchen

what I'm a gonna do? There's a rat in the kitchen ...

Okay, so it only looks like a large rat. I am not sure where you are, but if I had a box fan in my window without a screen I would have 10,000 maniac mosquitos to try to turn into angels. I think I would much rather deal with a possum. I could just turn the dogs on it.

I once had three baby possums in my house. Momma and half their siblings were roadkill, so I took them home and nurtured them for a couple of days. That was before I had dogs.

[Z_I_Peevey]

23. It was the tail that creeped me out the most.

Exactly like a giant rat (shudder).

[El Fuego]

12. Ha ha! He thought he found a nice new home.

[sakabatou]

14. My dog weas bit in the butt by a possum

[Z_I_Peevey]

21. My dogs were apparently off somewhere not doing their jobs

last night.

[bliss_eternal]

25. Oh, so you have dogs? Strange that the possum

came in at all--I thought they tended to avoid premises with dogs and other animals...

[bliss_eternal]

28. I hope your dog was ok.

Dh and his (former) roommate, captured a possum one night. It got in their yard. He/she seemed rather mean (possibly rabid), as it was hissing at their dog.

So they captured it in a trash can, so animal control could pick it up.

[dbt]

15. WELL Spoken, Okie Sister!!! Go ON WIth Your Bad Self!!!

Props to you from Arkie Land! ITEM 1: I would LOVE to see more of your writing, as you surely have the gift! (ITEM 1.1: sounds like you may have read White Trash Cooking.)

ITEM 2: Possums cannot ABIDE to be abused, humiliated and ridiculed. When your visitor becomes entirely too much to put up with, consider this course of action, but bear in mind that it is only to be used as a LAST RESORT, because you could get possum-bit, something I would only wish upon Republicans. Here's how it works:

Grasp the possum by its tail and hoist it into the air, preferably at arm's length with its aforementioned Possum Ass facing you and its teeth pointed in the other direction. (This will serve to initiate the Humliation Process.)

IF you are of sufficient size and girth, shake the possum rapidly and rebuke it sternly (in the LOUDEST voice you can muster)in something akin to the following manner:

"You stupid bastard! If you don't get out of my house and NEVER come back, I will sic every goddam dog in the NEIGHBORHOOD on your sorry ass to kill you and scatter what parts of your miserable carcass that pride prevents them from consuming, which is precious damn little! Go home to your babies while you still have four legs that ain't been chewed straight OFF and NEVER EVER darken my kitchen AGAIN, you Worthless Pimple On A Hemorrhoid In The Asshole Of Common Sense, YOU!"

(You may want to create you own Invocation, but I can assure that this one works pretty good.)

After you have belittled the possum in such a manner, fling it roughly to the ground and watch it slink away like George W. bu$h in the presence of African Americans.

Your New Fan,
dbt

:hi:

Remember New Orleans

[bliss_eternal]

22. omg--lmao...

:rofl:

[Z_I_Peevey]

29. Well, I'll be damned.

Change a few words here and there, and that's exactly what I said to my ex-husband when I found out he had a girlfriend.

[Xipe Totec]

24. Possum? Them's good eating!

You just wasted a good dinner!

:9

[RayOfHope]

27. Did you know some spinners spin possum hair into yarn?

It's true, I learned it yesterday at a fiber arts fair. Evidently possum hairs are hollow, so mot only does it keep your feet warm (of you knit socks from possum yarn) but wicks the moisture away. The spinner said possum hair is really pricey.

Go figure.

[WCGreen]

31. What if it was your great aunt come back to see you.....