How long should you date someone before you decide to marry them?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Poll question: How long should you date someone before you decide to marry them?

just curious about what people thing is reasonable...not that getting married is anywhere in my near future unfortunately

[kick-ass-bob]

1. My wife and I dated for 3 months before we decided.

Of course, we were in college, so we spent more time together than you would if you were already in the work force...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. how long have you been married? are you happy?

[kick-ass-bob]

4. wow - it has been almost 12 years !!

and we are very happy. We got married while in college, too.

[Shell Beau]

3. I personally think it depends of the people.

I dated my husband FOREVER before we married, but that is just b/c we were high school sweethearts. Everyone is different though. I say long enough to really get to know one another.

[LynneSin]

5. I'm guessing you're not going to be asking Rene Zellwiger this question

:shrug:

Just saying!

[eyesroll]

6. My ex and I were together for three years before getting engaged,

and then another two before getting married. The marriage lasted six years.

My parents knew each other for six weeks -- met on a blind date, even -- and got engaged; they were married less than a year later. They've been married for 33 years.

[sendero]

37. Exactly..

.... I've been married 3 (count 'em) times. Personally, I don't think it takes that long to get to know a person. The shortest marriage lasted four years (the first) and we'd been living together a year beforehand.

Really, I think a lot of folks think that time spent before a marriage will magically make a marriage work. No, it won't. Because you can get to know people all you want, but people change. People have epiphanies, folks wake up one day and decide they are not happy.

You can date someone for 40 years, you cannot prevent that.

[Coventina]

7. Dating isn't enough. You have to live together.

I guess that makes people think I'm a godless heathen, but I stand by my statement.

You have to live together and know each other sexually before you can make that decision.

[Shell Beau]

8. My hubby and I lived together beforehand.

I think it helps, but I don't think it is a requirement.

[StopTheMorans]

9. I DEFINITELY think you should cohabit before you take the plunge

you find out so much about a person that you wouldn't see otherwise, and much of it is information that could alter your opinion of the person.

[kick-ass-bob]

11. we lived together after we were engaged.

A definite plus, IMO.

[SarahB]

14. It's hard to imagine NOT doing this.

To me the idea of committing to someone for the rest of your life without knowing what it's like to live with the person is, well, illogical to a degree.

[Left Is Write]

17. Not necessarily.

I lived with a man for a few years when I was young and that relationship ended disastrously.

I did not live with my husband before marrying him, and we just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary.

[lockdown]

33. Absolutely.

Godless heathen? Shit, not that bad is it? :)

Carry on...

[RagingInMiami]

10. As long as you can before she starts nagging you about marriage

[Redstone]

12. In my case with Mrs R, it was seven days. Maybe eight.

Fifteen years later, here we are, still.

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

18. You sound like Mr. LiW and me.

It was very, very fast.

[Redstone]

30. Sometimes you just know when it's right, yes?

One of the few time in my life that it's hasn't taken someone whapping me on the thead with a two-by-four to get me to see the obvious...there is something to that idea of destiny, isn't there?

Redstone

[Left Is Write]

45. Yes!

After all those years of meeting and dating the Mr. Wrongs, I knew Mr. Right when I saw him.

[SarahB]

13. It really depends.

My ex husband and I were together 9 months before we got engaged and an unplanned pregnancy pushed the wedding ahead to a month later when it otherwise would have likely been a 1-2 year engagement. I was only 19 and it was way too soon for everything (not as much for him as he was 28 and ready to settle down).

For me now, I don't want to get married until I'm done with the RN program I'm in (which is Spring 2007). I need to focus on that. In terms of living with someone, I'm ready in the near future. I'm not the type to live with someone unless I felt as though marriage would be the eventual outcome of the cohabitation. When I split with my ex, I promised myself certain things as to having time living on my own for awhile. I also knew I had no intention of "settling" on the depth of character (not to mention compatibility) of anyone I'd be serious about.

I think the older you are, often the more you know yourself and perhaps that makes sooner not so bad. Then again, when you're older, you often have more experiences and a more battered heart and that can take time to process in terms of a lifelong commitment. For me, I wanted to do it right the first time and I think in terms of my actions (until some lousy coping mechanisms I did in the last year of my former marriage because I wanted to get out of it so much), I was a darned good spouse.

If I get married again, I want it to be for the rest of my life and I want the person to know everything about me body, mind, and soul especially the negative stuff (and vice versa) and to be able to communicate and love one another through that as well. I guess I'd say to anyone, when you know you're ready for that, it's time. The good stuff is always good. It's how you deal with the challenges together that are the real test. For everyone, that knowledge is different.

[Saphire]

15. dated six weeks, married for 15 years....I guess it all depends.

[Left Is Write]

16. You don't want to know how fast my husband and I decided.

We decided so fast that we actually GOT married three months to the day after we met.

We met May 23, 1997; we were married on August 23.

[BikeWriter]

19. Thirty-five years.

[no name no slogan]

20. Difficult to tell, really

I dated my ex-wife for three months, was engaged (and lived together) for another 16 months, and was married for almost nine years before we split.

My best friend dated his wife for three months, was engaged for a year, and just celebrated eleven years last week. And they're stronger than ever today.

I don't think there's one right answer for everybody.

[rockymountaindem]

21. My grandparents only had 5 dates before they got married.

And they stayed married until the day my grandpa died. Of course, being shipped out for WWII probably put things on fast forward :)

[dajoki]

22. my wife and i...

dated for almost two years and are now happily married for 27 years, with two beautiful grown daughters.:)

[Taverner]

23. As long as a string

Which is, as long as necessary, and not a day more or less...

[ContraBass Black]

24. Until you're sure and ready.

[RetroLounge]

25. I knew within a few minutes of meeting Mrs Retro

that I would marry her. Never had a doubt.

I bought her a ring about 90 days later.

We lived together for a year.

Been married 9 years!

RL

[skygazer]

26. I don't think there's any definitive time period

Some people date only briefly and have a very happy, long term marriage. Some co-habit or date for years but their marriage doesn't work out. Others do that and it does.

I think it just depends on the individuals. Though I will say, I don't really see what the rush is. I don't understand why people feel the need to marry within months of meeting - why not wait and see? But for some it works - who am I to say? I have two failed marriages under my belt so obviously I'm no expert!

[Patiod]

27. 13 years

and we still haven't set a date.

Although we may be driven to it by the need to get him covered under my insurance policy....how romantic.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

28. At least a day

[jmowreader]

36. A day's not long enough.

See my post downthread.

A day and a half is exactly the right amount.

[dhinojosa]

29. Never...why get married?

I could think of better things to do.

[NaturalHigh]

31. My wife and I dated for two years.

We've been married for three happy years.

[mvd]

32. I'd say give it a year

And that's living together.

[Guaranteed]

34. If you're still saying that you're "dating" the person, it's WAY TOO SOON

to marry them.

[jmowreader]

35. A day and a half

Trust me on this one. A day and a half is all you need to know if she's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. (Or he, if you're a she.)

[Maestro]

38. My wife and I lived in sin for three

years before marrying. ;)

[WCGreen]

39. If they say yes, ten minutes after the deed is done.....

then the recriminations and uh oh can come the next day,,,,,

[tjdee]

40. TIME IS NOT A FACTOR.

I'm all about shouting, I just saw the last INXS show.

But anyway, time doesn't dictate whether someone is right for you. This is the biggest load of horsecrap foisted on people about relationships, and I'd venture to say that it's one of the reasons there's so much divorce in this country.

If someone's right for you, it doesn't matter if you get married the day you meet them or after 50 years of intense dating.

Instead of trying to find the right person for you, some people go gee, I've been with him for three years, I'm not going to find someone I know as well, pretty comfortable....let's get married!

Ridiculous.

[LynzM]

46. I agree

It's not about time. Some people need to be together for 2 days to know, some people several years. Briarius and I got married after about 8 months together. So far, so good! :)

I do know people who got married because they felt like they'd been together long enough, it was the 'right' thing to do... that makes me sad. Why get married if it's not something you want?

[chaska]

41. Well, if you think of marriage as a disposable commodity, then...

less than two years is fine.

[Skittles]

42. I don't think you should marry them

that's must my opinion

[Speck Tater]

43. Longer. As in FOREVER.

Men and women are not constitutionally suited to live together under the same roof. Try as we might, we both end up miserable.

Better to stay single, free and happy.

[chaska]

44. Like Kate Hepburn said of her relationship with Spencer Tracy...

"Separate houses and visit often."

[Beware the Beast Man]

47. As long as it feels right.

Cathyclysmic and I pretty much knew around month three that we wanted to marry. I finally proposed about a week shy of the first anniversary of our courtship.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. thanks...should i ever get married..i will remember all this

:P

[iconoclastic cat]

49. Mrs. Icon. cat and I "dated" for 6.5 years. We lived together for four.

And now we've been married about four and a half. IconBaby is due in about 14 days.

I think that nobody should be allowed to marry without living together for at least a year.

[Mr. McD]

50. It was about 30 days when me and mine started living together,

We have been together 21 years this month.