Why does God hate America?

[Bucky]

I'm in Houston. My car wasn't starting this morning. I normally take the bus to work, but then it occurred to me that this was probably God's doing. I was born in New Orleans, grew up in Houston. The only places I have to go to for refuge is either my ex-wife's home in west Texas or my grandmother's in Oklahoma City--yes, the choice is between hell on earth and tornado alley.

It's not even a remote possibility this is all a matter of chance. God's out to get me. Probably over that pizza I stole in college. What vengeful Republican He is. Let his own kid die, you know. Gave the female unicorn the wrong directions for getting to the Ark.

Well, I say "bring it on, Byotch!" I can take whatever You dish out. I've read Your book and I know Your strategy. I'm not impressed. You want a piece of this, Lord? Bring it on. Next time I'm at a communion I'm feeding You two knuckle sandwiches.

And one more thing, God...
...save this!

[Dave Reynolds]

1. Hmmm....

looks like I'll have company in Hell! :toast:

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. "In Heaven as it is on Earth." There, that'll fix 'em.

[miss_kitty]

3. God hates America because

with only 5% of the world's population, America demands and gets and uses 25% of the world's petroleum in most wasteful ways.

So God created Global Warming. But the Smart Assed Punks running the joint refused to believe it, and the People were to weak to get rid of the Punk Regime.

So God decided to smite America and sent a bunch of hurricanes to PROVE to the Smart Assed Punks that Global Warming is a direct Reaction to an Action.

P.S. You want God to save your Button Fly? Shit, if I was going to bother Him, I'd ask for a gigantic lottery win, not a piece of a pair of pants.

[Bucky]

4. That's a picture of a religious cermony for my button fly. Ummm...

It's called the laying on of hands.

[dolo amber]

5. ...

:rofl:

[Shell Beau]

6. Um... okay.

:shrug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

7. Because God helps those that help themselves.

And He doesn't mean extra helpings of useless crap... :)

[warrens]

8. God doesn't hate America, it hates Red states

You just happen to live amongst the already-damned that god is out to get.

[Heidi]

9. Assuming there is a god, I bet she has better things to do

than manipulate our lives as though we're dolls in a Barbie playhouse. :eyes: