Does anyone have anyone in their family who is a control freak?

[Liberalynn]

and how do you deal with them.

My sister was supposed to take off work tomorrow and help me with some important papers and then I and my Mom were supposed to go to my sister's house to help her with some home spruce up projects.

Well tonight she calls and says her "plan" is to come down later than she said before because she didn't get as much done as she wanted to at work and that then we will go straight to her house. She's an A type workaholic personality by the way.

She never mentioned the papers that I needed help on, so I asked innocently "Will we still have time to get copies of my paper work and get it to the post office on time?" because they are very important and I really need to get them out on time.

She let out a huff and said fine I will just come down and do that for you and then I will go straight back home and you don't have to come to my house.

UMMMMMM Where did I say I didn't want to help her? I am more than willing because she does a lot for me. It will probably only take about 15 minutes to a half an hour tops to proof read what I wrote, copy, and then mail my stuff, which she promised to help me with last week. It's not like it will take that much time away from us doing the things at her house.

I hate to critcize because I love her and she is a very generous person in many ways especially to me, but man if you suggest even the most minor of deviations from one of her "plans?" she bites your head off.

It's really starting to upset and hurt my feelings, but I hate to say anything because I don't want to hurt her or act ungrateful.

I don't know how to talk to her anymore. :shrug:

[RevCheesehead]

1. I think if you can tell her what you just wrote, it'd work.

Remain calm, and restate your request. Tell her you don't see it as an either/or situation. Ask for her imput, and look for a compromise.

I worked with a control freak - several times. You have my sympathy.

[Liberalynn]

2. Thank you

that's a good idea and maybe she's just in an extra bad mood tonight and will see things differently in the morning too.

I hope so. It's hard because I am very close to her and love her a lot. I don't want to do anything to endanger our closeness. I have normally been able to just laugh it off before but she seems to be escalting lately in her need to control.

[RevCheesehead]

3. She just might be frustrated over time-management stuff.

Maybe things are piling up for her, at home or at work... all kinds of things can make someone edgy. Just keep telling her that you love her, and appreciate her doing what she can. Let her know how important your relationship with her is to you.

Good luck - I hope all turns out OK for you.

[Liberalynn]

7. Her work is definitely

stressfull. She's in management and is one of the hands on type. She even gets involved in helping other department that aren't even remotely related to her own.

I think I have to take my share of the blame too because as the youngest sister, I came to depend on her probably more than I should, especially after I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. But then she was always volunteering to help before I even asked and tends to be somewhat critical of the results when I do things on my own.

I have to start learning to stand on my own two feet more I guess, and be as understanding and as loving with her as I can.

Thanks again.

[LynneSin]

4. I'm a control freak - I admit it

It's a challenging life and I really do try to be less of one but at time it's overwhelming me.

[bettyellen]

5. i stopped talking to them.

unless absolutely neccesary and then i give them the info and bolt, saying no thanks, no time, don't care what you think.

[LynneSin]

6. That's probably the best advice

I'm not always a control freak but I can get like that. The silent treatment is the best wake up call.

I'm trying to recognize it more in myself thinking if I know I'm being controlling then maybe I won't do it as much

[bettyellen]

8. lynne i wasn't talking about you, search my old posts and

keyword "letter" or "my aunt"
prepare to be horrified.
after 3 years without her, i'm so fucking calmer. i grew the toughest spine, so there was a lesson for me in there, but still, fuck her!

[LynneSin]

12. I know you weren't, I was just chiming in as someone who can be...

...a bit of a control freak.

I almost have to confess to being one in order to be less of one.

[Liberalynn]

9. I can understand the need to control

it's like not wanting to fly as a passenger in a plane because you can't be the pilot, and keep your "destiny" in your hands.

Also before I had to go out on disabilty I also took over a lot of projects from others, because I was afraid they wouldn't get done right, and figured it would just be faster to do it myself. I ended up burning out in a very major way and literally broke down. Now I don't trust my own judgement on virtually anything any more.

It's funny because at home it has always been completely different. I have always been the submissive one to my Mom and my sister because their too strongly in control to argue with most of the time. My Mom's favorite saying is "that's not how I would do it," and my sister's is "I'm always right."

[danniB]

10. Im an "Out of Controll Freak"

I have had the most awfull day. Everyone and everything around me is out of controll today. My husband has been screaming at me, my kids wont listen to me, my dog got off her chain and ran off and wont come back when I call her. The neighbor boy came up to me while I was outside and kicked me. I went to wash the van and the hose at the carwash got away from me and soaked me. Can I please barrow your sister? I need someone to put me back in controll.:hide:

[Liberalynn]

11. Sure and you can have a hug too.

:hug: You really did have a rough day. It's time to take a deep breath, have a nice soothing bath, and a cup of herb tea, then get a good night's sleep. Tell yourself just before your about to fall asleep that you will have nice comforting dreams. Someone suggested the latter to me and surprisingly sometimes it does work.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

[graywarrior]

13. Who here doesn't think they are a control freak?

I know I am...which is why my stomach is in knots 24/7.