Is staying together for the kids a good idea? nt

[kid a]

[SarahB]

1. no

Been there, done that.

My kids are happier with two parents under separate roofs who love them apart from each other, than they were with two parents under the same roof who drive each other crazy.

[Skittles]

2. no, and it's not usually a reason, it's an excuse not to act

yes indeed

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. no

when my parents were unhappy together...my brother and i were far more neglected than when they split and were happier

[Southpaw Bookworm]

4. No

It teaches your children that misery is normal in a relationship and that they shouldn't expect or don't deserve happiness. It will probably make them feel guilty, if they're the sole reason two unhappy people are remaining together. Not to mention the long-term physical and emotional effects of walking on eggshells all the time, never seeing a disagreement worked out in a productive manner, and do on.

SB, who used to pray that her daddy would just go away

[GirlinContempt]

5. No.

[hyphenate]

6. It depends

Mostly, no. Regardless of how old the kids are, no one should have to stay in a relationship that is strained beyond repair.

If, however, there is a chance at reconciliation, a separation instead of a divorce or permanent break is better to start with, to see if there is something else to keep a couple together. On the other hand, if there is any kind of abuse in the relationship, the quickest way out is the safest way out.

[matcom]

7. only if you beat them

[tonkatoy57]

8. It depends

Is there strife, anger and tension in the house? If so, I could see how that would have a negative effect on children. Nobody likes to see their parents fight and there is no good reason to put a child through the emotional roller coaster caused by having to witness the two people they love most in the world go at it like cats and dogs.

If, on the other hand, the parents have simply grown apart and are not openly hostile I don't see the problem. If the parents can maintain an air of civility, take care of the everyday tasks of running a household and looking out for the well being of their children, then I think it would be best for the family to remain intact.

I say this because I hear friends who are divorcing say things like, "I'm just not happy anymore. We don't do the things we used to do anymore. I need to do what's best for me". My feeling is that whether you are happy or not is beside the point. You're not the most important person in this equation. Your children are. Whether or not you are happy or fulfilled is meaningless as long as your unhappiness does not spill over into your relationship with your children. And lets face it, we're all pretty good at compartmentalizing our lives.

[SOteric]

9. Depends on what you want to teach your children by example.

Do you want them to grow into adults who sacrifice their own chance at happiness for an obligation?

Or do you want them to be independent thinkers who evaluate their lives and seek happiness for themselves and those they love?

And yes, how parents separate is just as much a lesson to their children as how they stay together.

[pitohui]

10. yes probably

i didn't appreciate when my folks did it, but i see other ppl who did divorce while the kids were small & those kids are usu. pretty fucked up

we witnessed a lot of fights & a lot of cheating but we had financial security & a future, supporting two households means the kids still have the fights & emotional insecurity plus the financial insecurity as the cherry on top of the cake

so i'd say sticking together & sneaking around where you need a break is the way to go if you can stand it, my parents got us all thru college, as an adult i can appreciate their choice was difficult & they did the best they could

[Taverner]

11. depends....

there is not enough information to make a qualified statement.